I need some solid opinions. Boyfriend issue.

[sentrastace]

Hey all. I am completely frustrated at the moment and need some advice/opinions.so...

a little background on my situation.

i got together with my current bf in a not so awesome way. please dont be judgemental. I cheated on my ex and so did he, and then when we were rid of our significant others we got together. when i left my significant other, i was pretty much ready to be with him. but in the two period week after he broke up with his, he had some fling/f-buddy/whatever, we will call her "Jane".

so he bangs this chick for two weeks and thinks i wont find out....but of course I did. i was upset because he told me best friend (who then relayed to me) that he would wait as long as it took for me to break up with my bf because he wanted to do things right, and blah blah blah. once he was done with "Jane" he told me he wanted to be with me and he was going to do things "right" this time, hes 27 and hes done messing around...blah blah...I believed him and thats why we are together now. I have since moved in with him and things like that.

so.

my current problem.

in december he went on a vacation overseas....right before he goes i catch him IM'ing a chick telling her that he'll have his cell over there so they'll "still be able to talk everyday!" wtf is that. i dont say anything and continue about my business.

last night i find him IM'ing the same person. saying how he misses her and stuff. I break down and ask him nicely who it is. he tells me, "mary". the "mary" he is referring to does not seem to match the screenname. so this morning I search it and find out that its been 'jane" the whole time.

So i confront him this morning and his side of the story is that he didnt want me to freak out and they are jsut casual friends now and nothing si going on. he lied because he knows i dont like him talking to her and there is nothing more.

for some reason i dont believe that one bit.

What to do, guys?

is he lying about there being nothing with this chick?give him once more chance, put my walls up and if I find him lying again call it off? or call it off before I seriously get hurt?

damn why you guys gotta be like this. got a perfect girl right f***ing in front of you and you want to throw it all away for the two-week sorority f*** girl who has no substance to her whatsoever.

[Koshin]

sleep with me, thatll really piss him off

[numbnuts240]

stace, you're a nice girl, from what i know of you. unfortunately, i have to tell you that the tool bag is still fooling around with "jane". kick his sorry a** to the curb and find somebody more worthwhile.

[Koshin]

damn why you guys gotta be like this. got a perfect girl right f***ing in front of you and you want to throw it all away for the two-week sorority f*** girl who has no substance to her whatsoever.

modest I see...

...on the real, youre a hot chick and could prolly get a lot of guys. Break up with him before you really get hurt worse than you already are. Unless youre a glutton for punishment, then stay with him. Many women are.

[RobPaulson]

guys cant be just friends with attractive girls. hes lying.

like tito says, u seem like a nice girl, shouldnt be hard to move on

[sentrastace]

modest I see...

...on the real, youre a hot chick and could prolly get a lot of guys. Break up with him before you really get hurt worse than you already are. Unless youre a glutton for punishment, then stay with him. Many women are.

i dont mean to come off as bigheaded or anything like that, i am very modest from day to day but i gotta give myself credit here----i do a LOT for this guy (and most of my boyfriends i go above and beyond to satisfy them) for example, for his bday, i just bought him 10 laps in a NASCAR @ Dover. he gets to DRIVE the car. thats expensive and thoughtful because he loves NASCAR. and its not just material things either. he gets everything he wants materially, emotionally, physically, etc etc. but someone just brought up a good point to me. and they put it in a weird sort of way. "you gave him all of the milk, so why would he stay with the cow?"

i understand your 'glutton for punishment' remark. I once stayed in a relationship way too long and i never understood why, even though i was constantly unhappy and angry and he hurt me emotionally and then unfortunately physically. thank god i got out of that and i think those glutton for punishment days are over. why do the good girls always want the bad boys/the ones that treat them like s***?

[nissangirl74]

If you can live without him, he's not the one.

You're young, single, beautiful, employed and independent. You don't need him. Time to move on.

Good luck.

[krash]

Well, judging by the track record, I wouldn't believe him. Plus, you don't really tell a "casual friend" that you miss them so much, and that you'll talk to them everyday. For me, I have a zero tolerance thing with cheating. If my girl cheats on me, its as good as done.

However, if you think you can salvage something out of your relationship and give him a second chance, then I'd suggest to at least assume that its over in your head. That way if it turns out that he is lying, you've mentally readied yourself for it and you can just move on with breaking up with him. I think you should do this and just wait for some harder evidence if you really think it can be salvaged. I still don't understand why people cheat on their significant other rather than just breaking up with them.....

Anyway, I hope it works out for you wether you leave him or not Stace. Keep your head up, this ordeal isn't going to affect that much in your life. A few months down the road, it'll be cake. A few years down the road, you wont even remember.

[sentrastace]

i like that my quote is in your sig. that made me smile for the first time today. thanks krash.

[krash]

haha, no problemo

[Koshin]

i dont mean to come off as bigheaded or anything like that, i am very modest from day to day but i gotta give myself credit here----i do a LOT for this guy (and most of my boyfriends i go above and beyond to satisfy them) for example, for his bday, i just bought him 10 laps in a NASCAR @ Dover. he gets to DRIVE the car. thats expensive and thoughtful because he loves NASCAR. and its not just material things either. he gets everything he wants materially, emotionally, physically, etc etc. but someone just brought up a good point to me. and they put it in a weird sort of way. "you gave him all of the milk, so why would he stay with the cow?"

i understand your 'glutton for punishment' remark. I once stayed in a relationship way too long and i never understood why, even though i was constantly unhappy and angry and he hurt me emotionally and then unfortunately physically. thank god i got out of that and i think those glutton for punishment days are over. why do the good girls always want the bad boys/the ones that treat them like s***?

there are bad boys out there that wont treat you like s***. You need to find one of those if you crave the bad boy thing. I have bad guy tendancies, but would never treat my girl badly.

dont be a glutton for punishment in a relationship. Youre a hotty, and you seen pretty cool on here. And youre a hotty, and your hot

you can have your choice of guys y0, for reals

dont cut yourself sticking with some cat that doesnt appreciate what you do for him. There are a lot of guys out there that would LOVE to have you at there side Im sure. Plus, youre hot.

Did I mention you are hot?

break up with that tool. F him. He doesnt deserve you.

Yeah

If you can live without him, he's not the one.

You're young, single, beautiful, employed and independent. You don't need him. Time to move on.

Good luck.

this

[DrifterXRPS13]

damn why you guys gotta be like this. got a perfect girl right f***ing in front of you and you want to throw it all away for the two-week sorority f*** girl who has no substance to her whatsoever.

to this i say

Hey all.

i got together with my current bf in a not so awesome way. please dont be judgemental. I cheated on my ex and so did he, and then when we were rid of our significant others we got together.

Not to be a d!ck or be judgemental like you asked but (you did ask for our opinions) you both deserve what you get because your both cheaters.

i see everyone else being nice about it but you know what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater...he's gonna continue to cheat.

Is this your first time cheating on a significant other or have you done this sort of thing before?

Again, nothing personal, i'm not judging you but it is what it is...everyone else here seems to be sugarcoating it.

[raremotive]

modest I see...

...on the real, youre a hot chick and could prolly get a lot of guys. Break up with him before you really get hurt worse than you already are. Unless youre a glutton for punishment, then stay with him. Many women are.

History repeats itself. Girl falls for tool. Tools say many nonlegit things that suspecting girl believes. Girl finds out tool is a lying douche and breaks it. Girl falls for another tool. Repeat pattern.

[sentrastace]

there are bad boys out there that wont treat you like s***. You need to find one of those if you crave the bad boy thing. I have bad guy tendancies, but would never treat my girl badly.

dont be a glutton for punishment in a relationship. Youre a hotty, and you seen pretty cool on here. And youre a hotty, and your hot

you can have your choice of guys y0, for reals

dont cut yourself sticking with some cat that doesnt appreciate what you do for him. There are a lot of guys out there that would LOVE to have you at there side Im sure. Plus, youre hot.

Did I mention you are hot?

break up with that tool. F him. He doesnt deserve you.

Yeah

this

lol. love your response. second smile of the day, I'm feeling accomplished. Thanks Koshin.

I don't really dig the bad boy thing. I was first attracted to him because of his SRT and the fact that he loves cars like me. only later did i find out about his...man-whoring.

[Koshin]

History repeats itself. Girl falls for tool. Tools say many nonlegit things that suspecting girl believes. Girl finds out tool is a lying douche and breaks it. Girl falls for another tool. Repeat pattern.

I see someone here understands the way of the world. Its actually a viscious cycle, really

[sentrastace]

to this i say

Not to be a d!ck or be judgemental like you asked but (you did ask for our opinions) you both deserve what you get because your both cheaters.

i see everyone else being nice about it but you know what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater...he's gonna continue to cheat.

Is this your first time cheating on a significant other or have you done this sort of thing before?

Again, nothing personal, i'm not judging you but it is what it is...everyone else here seems to be sugarcoating it.

i'm gonna try not to be so sensitive for once and say thanks for the opinion. yeah im not proud of what we did to be with one another but i learned a lesson from it and im trying not to believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater"...i haven't done this sort of thing before and i do believe people can change. but for some reason the consensus is against that and maybe im just trying to find some sort of small inkling that my guy is different.

[LugNut18]

10 laps at Dover

That would be the best b-day present ever. Anyways I say dump him. He doesn't seem all that grateful for who you are and everything you do for him.

A few months down the road, it'll be cake. A few years down the road, you wont even remember.

X2

[sentrastace]

History repeats itself. Girl falls for tool. Tools say many nonlegit things that suspecting girl believes. Girl finds out tool is a lying douche and breaks it. Girl falls for another tool. Repeat pattern.

scary but true, i wont deny.

[Koshin]

lol. love your response. second smile of the day, I'm feeling accomplished. Thanks Koshin.

I don't really dig the bad boy thing. I was first attracted to him because of his SRT and the fact that he loves cars like me. only later did i find out about his...man-whoring.

sooooooo, you guys both have bad taste in cars? Is that what youre going for? there are a bunch of those cats around

[nissangirl74]

Stace,

I stayed with my ex for fifteen years, giving him chance after chance after chance. The time didn't make him realize anything. All it did was give him a chance to have his cake and eat it too. From a physical health standpoint, get the hell out before he gives you something you can't get rid of. From a mental health standpoint, get out before he makes you depressed. From a financial standpoint, get the hell out before he bleeds you dry. Money buys things and stuff. You can't buy love. I could go on and on but I'll leave you with this. Those fifteen years, I can't get those back and I can't erase what happened. Live your life as if you've always got just one day left. Don't waste it.

[sentrastace]

Stace,

I stayed with my ex for fifteen years, giving him chance after chance after chance. The time didn't make him realize anything. All it did was give him a chance to have his cake and eat it too. From a physical health standpoint, get the hell out before he gives you something you can't get rid of. From a mental health standpoint, get out before he makes you depressed. From a financial standpoint, get the hell out before he bleeds you dry. Money buys things and stuff. You can't buy love. I could go on and on but I'll leave you with this. Those fifteen years, I can't get those back and I can't erase what happened. Live your life as if you've always got just one day left. Don't waste it.

excellent advice. i appreciate this.

[breadbox]

Guy sounds like he is infatuated with other chick.

This guys seems to be placating you as to not lose face totally and getting what he wants from Jane.

[Koshin]

I think its funny how people cheat on one another to get back at each other for something. What happend to breaking up with someone and moving on when youre not happy? I think a lot of people in relationships try to fool themselves into thinking stuff is there when clearly it is not. People are funny.

Id rather believe the ill truth than bludgeon myself intot hinking something that just isnt.

Im full of the awesome

[sentrastace]

Id rather believe the ill truth than bludgeon myself into thinking something that just isnt.

i like this a lot.

[Bubba1]

If you can live without him, he's not the one.

You're young, single, beautiful, employed and independent. You don't need him. Time to move on.

Good luck.

I was thinking the exact same thing. He might have been Mr. "Right now" for a brief time, but it doesn't sound like he's the Mr. Right. Trust is a major key to a successful relationship, and it must go both ways. IMHO you can do and deserve better than him.

[nissangirl74]

What happend to breaking up with someone and moving on when youre not happy?

This

[krash]

What happend to breaking up with someone and moving on when youre not happy? I think a lot of people in relationships try to fool themselves into thinking stuff is there when clearly it is not.

YES.

[breadbox]

I was first attracted to him because of his SRT.

Hmmm problem 1.

[raremotive]

Hmmm problem 1.

Yeah, all for SHOW and no MEAT behind it.

[Koshin]

Becky, you should change my title to "NICO's Relationship Guru"

...God, what has the world come to when people are listening to me about relationships....

...just be brutally honest with him and call it quits. I dont have the "issue" of the concern of hurting peoples feelings as well, thats why I may be ahead of the game

Hmmm problem 1.

this