How Often Do You Poop?
Re: (tenkawa_akito)
As for myself, I'm like clockwork. You'd think my bowels were made by Rolex. Same time every day. 4:30 pm.
My girlfriend hasn't taken a dump since Monday night and it's Sunday afternoon now. I think it's because she eats 2 salads every day and eats those damn Wheaties. I think she's all stopped up. I guess I need to take the plunger to her...... or maybe I should take the "plunger" to her.
- Chris
My girlfriend hasn't taken a dump since Monday night and it's Sunday afternoon now. I think it's because she eats 2 salads every day and eats those damn Wheaties. I think she's all stopped up. I guess I need to take the plunger to her...... or maybe I should take the "plunger" to her.
- Chris
Re: (vicki)
What’s the deal men’s obsession with anal sex? My friend asked the question, and at the time I hadn’t a good answer. However, a couple months have passed and I have had time to muse on this peculiar facet of male fixation. Let me preface this by saying that not all men (or even most men) are aroused by the thought of making their way into a girl’s Rusty Sheriff's Badge, and that not all women are against having their badge sundered (these women are known as ‘****ing awesome’ in most circles).vicki wrote:I thought pleasure glands in the anus is only present in males? Maybe that's why most guys I know get more of a kick out of it than girls. Lol.
So, what’s up with the butt? That’s where poop comes from, first and foremost and we all know that poop is nasty. In fact, feces contain all sorts of dangerous bacteria, including the totally cool, flesh eating, E Coli which will totally **** you up. And imagine your embarrassment when you have to tell your parents that you are dying from something you found in a hooker’s *******. Also, AIDS is primarily spread through anal sex, and imagine your embarrassment when you have to tell your parents that you’re dying from something you found in your friend Bobby’s *******.
Also, supposedly the more of a ‘workout’ the butthole gets, the looser it becomes. The Sphincter is a muscle and the more it’s stretched out, the looser it becomes. This leads, hilariously and uncomfortably enough, to poop leakage and eventually to diapers. Imagine your embarrassment when you have to tell your parents the reason you spilled poo all over your bed was because your anal sphincter has been so tremendously abused that it no longer has the ability to keep your feces from dribbling down your thigh. Luckily, this can only happen if you are one of those rare individuals who found out that soccer or math wasn’t your thing, so you decided to go for daily anal gangbangs instead. Even then, the limits of your *******’s ability to stretch is pretty impressive. Anyone who has ever seen the notorious ‘Gostse’ picture (and if you haven’t, don’t) can attest to that. I actually read an interview with the gostse guy himself, who described in vivid detail the strenuous lengths he went to be able to do what he does. And that’s something that is stuck in my mind forever.
In my research I learned some fascinating things about the anus and why it’s such a hotspot for men. All these are just theories, and I’m not about to get into any sort of deep, Freudian themes about the incestuous, mother ****ing (two words) subconscious of the mail psyche and how that relates to butt buggery. Anyway, here’s a short list of why (some) men like butt sex so much.
1. The Prostate is Up There, Somewhere
The prostate in men is like the engineering section of the pen15. This is where Scotty works, making sure the power levels are smooth and going to warm drive when necessary. This thing controls erections and orgasms and if stimulated directly (i.e. if you put a drum stick up your ***) it can cause some serious pleasure....that’s just great. This is why gay people have the anal sex. Supposedly the pleasure is so great, it compensates for the whole **** in the poop shoot thing.
Since the prostate is the pleasure center, perhaps men unconsciously infer their desire for such stimulus in an extroverted fashion upon women, even though chicks don’t have a prostate or anything like up there. I don’t know what the hell they have instead. Probably a uterus or something
2. Ironically, the Anus Has a Huge Amount of Nerve Endings
This is another strange design flaw in the human body. Supposedly, the anus is almost as sensitive as the tips of your fingers. What the **** do we need all those nerve endings down there for. Are they just left over from the work bench and God didn’t know where to put them so he figured he’d hide them in the most discrete place possible? Well God, we found them...with a vengeance.
You know that awesome feeling you get when you take a good dump? That’s the nerve endings telling you that you did a good job. I guess after dropping a particularly satisfying duce, a guy thought, ‘hey, what if I did this to a woman, but backwards. I bet she’d love it!” And thus, anal sex was born.
3. Maybe the Vagina Just Isn’t Cutting it Anymore
Lets be honest ladies, if you treat your ***** like the best party in town that everyone’s invited to, sooner or later it’s gonna get worn out. And when those lips flap like the last two flags standing blowing battered and torn on battle weary plains that is your labia, you can’t blame a guy for seeking something a little more accommodating and less, well scorched. And lookie, here it’s only 2 inches away.
4. That Whole Taboo Thing
I said I wasn’t gonna get Freudian, but the fact that anal sex is so widely regarded as disgusting and amoral might be one of the reasons us men dig it so much. I mean, plowing *** is pretty high on the ‘**** you just shouldn’t do’ list, one below ****ing your dog and one above ****ing your sister. Throughout history screwing with the anus has been morally and hygeniclly frowned upon and basic common sense will tell you that it was designed as an exit. The only way this door swings both ways is if you break the hinges.
Therefore, being that men are incurable explorers, experimenters, and....hinge-breakers it’s only natural that we go for this metaphorical (but literally inverse) sexual Everest. What I’m saying is...that same thing that made Magellan want to sail around the world or lead Einstein to discover scientific perfection in the physical universe, makes the cable guy want to stick it to you in all the wrong ways.
5. Ain’t No Babies Coming out of Your ***
This one is pretty self-explanatory.
6. It’s Degrading
Us men love to see our women degraded. It’s a common theme throughout history. Women have always been only one step above black people in terms of being considered actual human beings. It must piss men in some way that in this day and age where women are now considered equal. I mean, thousands of years of oppression, domination, humiliation, and subjugation has gone down the ****ing drain in the last 50 years. Men are now being bossed around by women, which is the ultimate metaphorical *******. Perhaps returning this ******* in a literal sense helps men cope with the fact that we have become bishez.
So, there is a brief list of the reasons for the obsession men seem to have for anal sex. Perhaps it’s none reasons, perhaps it’s all of them combined. The preponderance of this fixation among men will probably forever be studied by our most mediocre philosophers, because the good ones are too busy hypothesizing about something important.
For myself, fantasizing about anal sex is simply the natural next step. Since my fantasies always involve me with an attractive, goiter-less woman, they have already reached a level of such abstract ridiculousness that my adding anal sex, or midgets, or unicorns or anything is a inconsequential progression of the fantasy. Since none of it is gonna happen, I might as well go ****ing crazy. I suppose that I look at anal sex in the same way a cosmologist looks at a planet orbiting a distant star. Sure you can study it and jerk off to it all you want, and it’s so far away that you can make outrageous assumptions about what it’s like, because you’ll never even get close enough to it to get a good sniff, let alone land a rocket on the mother****er.
Modified by Sopdadope at 2:26 AM 10/11/2004
Re: (Sopdadope)
That was the funniest things that I can recall reading in a LONG time!! And it was strangely educational at the same time. Thank you so much! You just made my day!!
BTW, anal sex has actually been discreetly promoted by many African cultures for thousands of years. It's customary for the man to take his bride's virginity the night of marraige, but come on, even thousands of years ago guys still got horny. So what could they do to satisfy those sexual desires? Nothing that a cruise down Hershey highway couldn't fix. So it's hasn't always been considered a bad thing.
Oh, Sopdadop, your signature made me laugh to tears just as I was recovering from my first laughing fit after reading your post.
- Chris