zombie apocalypse (starting?)

[naladude911]

Just saw this lol

http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/europe/05 ... ?hpt=hp_t2
Deadly E. coli outbreak spreads in Germany

Berlin (CNN) -- The outbreak of E. coli in Germany has killed several more people and sickened hundreds, authorities said Tuesday.

News reports citing local authorities reported 16 deaths linked to E. coli in some raw vegetables. CNN has confirmed at least 12 deaths.

As more people have died, the outbreak has shown itself to be spreading geographically as well. No longer contained in northern Germany, the outbreak has killed at least two people in the western part of the country.

One of the 16 deaths was in Sweden. A woman died after visiting Germany, the Swedish Ministry for Health and Social Affairs said.

The Robert Koch Institute, Germany's federal unit responsible for disease control and prevention, said 373 people have been confirmed sickened. But figures coming in from local authorities and hospitals made clear many more people are believed to be infected.

"Here in Hamburg we're pretty much at the epicenter," Jorg Debatin, medical director of the Hamburg Medical Center, told CNN. His hospital has 600 to 700 infected patients, Debatin said. About 20% to 30% of them develop hemolytic-uremic syndrome, or HUS, "a very severe complication," he said.

The hospital is especially concerned about 85 patients -- 20 children and 65 adults -- who may go into renal failure and develop neurologic symptoms, he said.

Sweden's health ministry said there have been 39 confirmed cases of people sickened by E. coli in Sweden, 16 of which are being investigated for complications caused by HUS. All 39 patients recently visited 39 Germany.

No contaminated vegetables have been reported in Sweden, the ministry said.

While authorities in Germany worked to contain and respond to the outbreak, the specific cause remained unclear.

The European Food Safety Alert Network said EHEC, or enterohemorrhagic Escherichia coli, a strain of E. coli that causes hemorrhage in the intestines, was found in organic cucumbers originating from Spain, packaged in Germany, and distributed to countries including Austria, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Germany, Hungary, Luxembourg and Spain.

But the source has not yet been pinpointed, authorities said.

Hans-Joachim Breetz, executive director of Hamburg's Institute for Sanitation and Environment, said it can take days or weeks to find a source of infection.

In the meantime, "the warning remains not to eat raw cucumbers, leaf lettuce or tomatoes," said Cornelia Pruefer-Storcks,

Hamburg's top official for health and consumer protection.

European Union spokeswoman Pia Ahrenkilde-Hansen told CNN that German authorities were examining cucumber batches from the Spanish cities of Almeria and Malaga as potential sources of infection. She also said a shipment originating in Denmark or the Netherlands is being checked.

The questions surrounding produce from Spain have "paralyzed" vegetable exports, a spokeswoman for Fepex, the Spanish export producers group for vegetables and fruits, said Tuesday.

The industry in Spain expects weekly losses of about 200 million euros ($288 million), Fepex officials said.

Fepex President Jorge Brotons and Director General Jose Maria Pozancos called on Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero to step in, the spokeswoman said. The Fepex officials argue that German authorities have accused the Spanish cucumber of being the source of the outbreak, without proof.

Spanish Health Minister Leire Pajin discussed the outbreak on Twitter. "In the absence of proof. we're not ruling out using all necessary measures to make sure there's compensation for the (economic) damage," she wrote. "From the first day, the government launched a diplomatic offensive to prevent the linking of this health crisis with our products."

Germany is the top purchaser of Spain's produce, according to Fepex. In 2010, Spain exported 9.4 million tons of produce; a quarter of that went to Germany, Fepex said.

A Spanish health ministry spokesman told CNN that Spanish authorities are investigating the outbreak. Initial results that could cite a potential casue are expected by Thursday, or possibly as early as Wednesday, the spokesman said.

Spanish authorities are sharing their investigative results with German and European Union authorities, the spokesman added.

The Spanish Agency for Food Safety and Nutrition said two Spanish companies producing cucumbers may be involved in the outbreak. The agency was awaiting further results from Germany's investigation.

The Robert Koch Institute said Germany's Federal Institute for Risk Assessment "advised against eating raw tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuces to prevent further cases."

CNN's Frederik Pleitgen and Eileen Hsieh contributed to this report.

[Rev_D21]

Nala, you are a zombie.

[Amays U G37S]

You frequent the causes of Zombies actions, the feasting, and torture upon their arrival. You begin to persue the tools needed to fight the war. You contemplate running. Your room is filled with janky posters, cotton pillows, a matress, and a lamp. A closet filled with clothes and a suit case is visable in the dimly lit room. You posses only your shorts, white beater, and sandals.

Your exits are SOUTH.

[bigbadberry3]

Did I miss somewhere a description of flesh eating?

[audtatious]

Nala, the article is about ecoli, not e-colon. Don't get too excited.

[Razi]

Organic veggies: Grown in poop.
Oh delicious delicious poop.

[alms24sebring]

I cant wait for The Walking Dead: Season 2 to start again

[themadscientist]

Zombies get more tail than you do Nala.

[Bubba1]

Zombies get more tail than you do Nala.

Female Zombies would find Nala too creepy anyway.

[themadscientist]

Yeah, they like guys with bwains.

[sx moneypit]

[hitbychance]

classic nala fail.

[Bubba1]

Yeah, they like guys with bwains.

If Nala was a super hero, he'd be:



rejected by girls faster than a speeding bullet.

his right wrist is more powerful than a locomotive (from all the fapping)

grinds his crotch against drunken girls on dance floors in a single bound.

Look... in that mom mobile, it's a perv, it's a creep....uh, yep, it's Nala.

[hitbychance]

rejected by girls faster than a speeding bullet.

his right wrist is more powerful than a locomotive (from all the fapping)

grinds his crotch against drunken girls on dance floors in a single bound.

Look... in that mom mobile, it's a perv, it's a creep....uh, yep, it's Nala.

[the a3k]

zombies-get-ready-t534175.html

anyway, walking dead season 2 is gonna be insane. also, who ever posted the pic of the girl and zombie, its from Fido. not a bad movie lol.

[Encryptshun]

Now, now, let's not hate on Nala....

You know that in the event of a zombie apocalypse the Nalataxiplow would be a legit mode of temporary transportation. Per formula, there should be a useless idiot who provides a necessary good or service right before putting the hero in mortal peril and ultimately getting munched on as a result. If we play nice-nice now, he'll be more likely to open the door for us later.

[frapjap]

Now, now, let's not hate on Nala....

You know that in the event of a zombie apocalypse the Nalataxiplowpeemobile would be a legit mode of temporary transportation. Per formula, there should be a useless idiot who provides a necessary good or service right before putting the hero in mortal peril and ultimately getting munched on as a result. If we play nice-nice now, he'll be more likely to open the door for us later.

FTFY

[Bubba1]

Now, now, let's not hate on Nala....

You know that in the event of a zombie apocalypse the Nalataxiplowpeemom-mobile would be a legit mode of temporary transportation. Per formula, there should be a useless idiot who provides a necessary good or service right before putting the hero in mortal peril and ultimately getting munched on as a result. If we play nice-nice now, he'll be more likely to open the door for us later.

FTFY

FTFY part 2

I do agree Nala would likely be among the first casualties during a zombie apocalypse. who doesn't picture him getting eaten while instant detailing his parentally gifted expensive armored vehicle with gay taillights?

[Encryptshun]

FTFY part 2

I do agree Nala would likely be be among the first casualties during a zombie apocalypse. who doesn't picture him getting eaten while instant detailing his parentally gifted expensive armored vehicle with gay taillights?

I disagree. The following is totally the Nala plot-line in a zombie flick (and yes, the similarities to Zombieland are intentional):

Nala is visited by sick girl he tried (unsuccessfully, of course) to nail the prior weekend. Due to his nature, Nala has not been outside of his room in almost a week, during which time the Nalacaust has happened. He's been watching pr0n on his iPod and hasn't seen the news.

Nala of course believes the girl to be drunk instead of sick, and as she collapses on him in the doorway, he thinks "I KNEW she'd come around. She's TOTALLY throwing herself at me." He invites her in, completely ignoring the blood on her arm. She is incoherent, just the way he likes it. He goes to slip into something more comfortable and check his fauxhawk. While he is gone, the chick turns and shambles toward his bedroom door. "Wow, this chick is just SO INTO ME", he says into the mirror, striking his best "blue steel" pose. "She totally wants to eat me UP." Flash to girl chewing on the door.

Nala opens the door, she falls into the room, bashing her head on Nala's 3-foot-high "World's Greatest Son" trophy given to him by his mom when he finished dead last in his High School's Student Body President election. Zombie-girl is killed instantly.

Believing her to be passed out, Nala proceeds to grant her what he believes must be her strongest desire and drags her to the bed where [REDACTED BY AUTHOR]. His monstrous thirst satisfied at last, he dresses himself and heads back to the living area to fix himself an energy drink. He turns on his computer to post his conquest on NiCO and cannot get internet service. He turns on the TV to see if maybe his cable is out, and sees the looping public service announcement advising everyone to stay in their homes and avoid contact with people who look sick.

Camera pans in on Nala looking at the TV. Looking at the bedroom. Looking at his crotch. Panic dawns on his face as he comes to the (voiced aloud) conclusion that “Little Nala is a zombie now.”

Meanwhile, our heroes are scrambling through the dorm building, avoiding attack and putting up an epic fight against the undead hoards. Knowing that Nala has the Plowtaxipeemommobile, they head to his room, and (with a group of shamblers approaching down the hall) pound furiously on the door. Nala, in a state of catatonia regarding his zombiepeenor, refuses to answer the door.

Scene progresses as the heroes finally get Nala’s attention and engage him in a dialogue over why they want , nay, need to get into the room and why Nala will not, nay, cannot open the door. He is thinking about what they will say when they see the sticky dead girl in the other room. It is the most epic fail in the history of his epic failures and he knows he will get ranked mercilessly for it.
Eventually he does agree to open the door just a bit, at which point they kick it the rest of the way open and storm inside.
{CUT SCENE}

Nala's end would come during a struggle in which the heroes were attempting to wrest the key fob for the Nalamobile from him after he'd unlocked the truck but was insisting on driving the vehicle himself. The fob would fly over the retaining wall of the parking garage and down to the ground where it would be lost in the shuffling of hundreds of zombie feet. At that point Bubba would actually go ahead and send Nala on after the keys, where Nala would get eaten whilst carnival music played in the background.

Amidst the despairing heroes, Tita would announce that Nala always keeps a spare set of keys under the driver's seat. Everyone wonders how Tita knows this but none mention it aloud. It is, however, a recurring comedic theme in the rest of the film enacted completely through knowing glances and body language.

If you think the Nalamobile carries the heroes for 50 miles until the brakes fail due to the extra 1800 pounds of snowplow mounted on the front, turn to page 50.

If you think the Nalamobile carries the heroes for 50 miles until the alternator fails due to the poorly-wired sound system, turn to page 51.

[Bubba1]

Wow. Bravo. well done....

Okay, you've inspired me, I must now publish my unfinished teleplay titled "Nala's 3 minute date with Michele."

Scene 1. It;s a cold November day, Nala is alone in his room viewing Facebook and is stalking Michele's Facebook page. He gets excited when he sees she's actually in Hartford right now about to meet up with Tita. Noticing the rendevous point is nearby, He stops fapping, combs his faux hawk, and sprints to his moms suv, fires it up and chirps his tires as he leaves his dorm parking lot.

Scene 2, Nala pulls up to Michele who is standing alone on a corner waiting for Tita to arrive. We see Nala screeching to a halt beside her, Lil Wayne music blaring, with the bass turned up so loudly, plastic pieces on his car rattle/buzz. He jumps out of his mom’s suv, tripping as he exits but trying to look cool, but in his rush to get there quickly, he didn't notice his faux hawk was crooked. Michele recognized him and initially smiled but her nose crinkled as she caught a strong nasty whiff of his way-too-much Axe.

Nala: Hi Michele, wow what a coincidence seeing you here. It's great to see you again.(opens his arms preparing for an embrace)

Michele quickly extends her right arm for a handshake preventing an uncomfortable hug by Nala.

Michele: Nala? Uh, what the hell are you doing here? How did you know I was was hee....oh, shoot, you were on my facebook page, weren't you?

Nala: No-no, um, uh, I was just cruising and spotted you. Hey do you need a ride????

Michele: No thanks, I'm waiting for Tita. He should be here any minute.

Then a cold gusty wind whipped thru

Michele: On second thought, maybe if can you please take me to that McDonald’s drive thru right over there so I can get some hot coffee?

Dilligently following the script in chapter 4 of his "how to score with babes" book, Nala rushes to the passenger side of his mom's suv, opens the door for Michele, but then his "natural instincts" take over and he creepily rubs his genitals up against Michele's thigh as she gets into the front seat.

Michele: Ewww, what was that pressing up against me?

Nala: uuhh, oh, it's just instant detailer.

Michele: you keep instant detailer in your pants?????

Nala: Sorry, I thought you needed help....(now in full seductive mode) Boy it's really hot in here, can I help you off with your coat????

Michele: Nala, it's 20 degrees outside, and you have the frigging a/c on high blasting at my chest.

Nala. Heh heh, Hold up, (turning down the a/c and turns to her) Do you know you have really nice eyes, Brittan..er Michele, I could lose myself in them....

Michele: uh Nala, my eyes are up here. You're looking at my boobs. WTF is wrong with you?

Nala. Hey, it's not my fault., I'm just doing what Tita told me to do. Uh, Want some weed?

Michele: I’m getting out.

Nala: Wait, I think I'm really hitting it off with you. Can't you feel it?

Michele. I did, (wincing) it was throbbing against my leg. Nala, Tita is on his way here, and there's no way in hell I'm ever going to have sex with you. Stop it.

Nala: Gulping and taking a deep breath and remembering chapter 8, "Yeah, but Tita's not here and I can offer you a lot."

Michele: (Rolling her eyes) Ugh, alright, like what?

Nala: Well, like um, a free ride, free weed, oooo, I even have a beer in the back, I won't even charge for this ride you if you agree to be my girlfriend. (He leans over and awkwardly, makes a loud yawn and quickly tries to move his arm around the back of Michele's seat),

Michele: Geez, you really are creepy, Let me out now or I'll kick your a$$.

Nala: Ha, I know MMA, you can't hurt me.

Michele: Alright, touch me and your mom's suv gets keyed, you frigging loser.

Nala: Noooooooooooo!!! Wait! Wait! No. Pleeeease don't do that..(regaining his composure)..... Uh,so, want some weed?

Michele: (Facepalms herself).

Think a studio might be interested??

[frapjap]

If you and Chad marry your stories, you'll have a summer block buster. I call dips on playing Dire91.

[Encryptshun]

EPIC WINNING PROSE

That was awesome.

[numbnuts240]

[themadscientist]

Hollywood, you're welcome. Buy his screenplay because it's better than the crap you make.

[snwbrdr435]

The nalaocolypse

[Bubba1]

I call dips on playing Dire91.

Ha! That's great. I was kinda thinking "Tita" might be a fun role in the as yet unfinished scene 3 where he pees in Nala's dorm room, plus bangs Nala's mom.

[numbnuts240]

woah, woah, woah. tita only stars as "himself".

[Bubba1]

woah, woah, woah. tita only stars as "himself".

Ready for an expanded role??

[numbnuts240]

oh my "role" will be "expanded" during the mama nala/tita sex scene, if you catch mt skeet...

[Encryptshun]

oh my "role" will be "expanded" during the mama nala/tita sex scene, if you catch mt skeet...

"Mt Skeet"? LAWL