1. In older cars, the ECM was somewhat generic and would match a specific transmission/ engine combination. In new cars with black box technology, I'm not sure if the ECM is vehicle specific or not. I would imagine not, but I am guessing, so you'll need to come to your own conclusions.
2. You have a car that came in coupe and sedan format, with auto and manual transmissions, with 2.5 and 3.5 liter engines... that alone makes at least 8 different ECM options. Get access to yours and look at the sticker on the side. Look for the large letters/ numbers. Match those and I think you'd be good.
3. I like your thinking. Dealership may not have the time/ budget for additional diagnoses and just says replace it. You, however, maybe have more time to diagnose. Clean up those connections. Try an OBD-2 consult and see what you get. I am guessing that is a different plug and port than the Nissan Consult 3 port, but I do not know that, could be the same plug. Get the FSM and see if there is an additional fuse that is preventing the consult from working. For example, my friends Durango won't throw codes if the cigarette light fuse is blown.
http://www.nicoclub.com/service-manual? ... ma/2009/EC
4. You can unplug it and plug it back in later. Any codes that were stored in there would be deleted, similar to pulling your battery. I actually think your accessories will keep working with the ECM unplugged (like door locks or headlights). Your car will not crank with ECM unplugged. Once plugged back in, all should work fine.
Check out this thread and see if you find anything useful in there:
how-to-info-reset-ecu-pull-codes-reset- ... 25400.html