to guys with little sisters...

[C-Kwik]

to associate shady teenage angst and meth is a big jump. dont get me wrong meth is horrible stuff and anyone on it should get help while they can... but..

a 20 year old college girl doing drugs, drinking & being promiscious(sp).. its not really a shock (no offense fiz). Fiz seems to be a pretty strait laced guy.. he seemed shocked that his college aged sister smoked weed.. to many people this is simply a fact of life (college kids drink & smoke). I dont mean to at all downplay the sevarity of your situation fiz. I just mean that it is to some extent a matter of perception. It strikes me as odd that some people think its 100% normal, some feel its a problem, and james thinks she is on meth..

I agree, but I think it's a problem when it starts to change who you are. I know plenty of people who use drugs. Only a few concern me though as they have become different people. And this is usually due to some of the more hardcore drugs.

[l2andom]

sounds like my sister. i gave up on her. maybe im not being brotherly enough, but i've had it with her. i have a lot of other younger brothers and sisters( 9 bros n sis'), so i cant really concentrate on her. I just let her do her own thing, her life. She'll realize how bad she fugged up sooner or later. and then she'll feel stupid cause thats what everybody has been trying to tell her.

[Bubba1]

I agree with C-Kwik. I think you're taking a wise approach. Sounds like you're a good brother, and you also have some good buddies, who did not advantage of the situation with her. I think as long as she understands you care about her and are willing to listen, (which doesn't mean approving her lifestyle or abusing your hospitality) I think she'll eventually come around. Unfortunately, she may need to bottom out first. I have some close friends who behaved similarly at that age, and it was difficult to watch them make such poor life choices. I made sure they knew that I would always be there to help, but there was no way I was going down the same path. One of them ended up in jail, another went bankrupt, but they all eventually turned their lives around and are all still my good friends.Just gotta have patience and let her work things out.

[Megaseth]

i dunno what to say that hasnt been said. im almost in the same boat, except my sis is 14 and im 19. im in college and shes a freshman. recently, like in the last year and a half, shes gotten really haughty, like shes better than anyone else. she is constantly talking back to my folks, calling them names, teling them they have to buy her new clothes everyweek, that they need to get her a car, blah blah blah, like most pubesent girls. the thing is, shes very arogant at school too. she used to be the little quiet nice girl who read all the time, dressed conservatively, made straight As, respected the teachers, etc. now shes failing two classes, only passing the easy ones, talking back to the teachers and principles, dressing like a skank, telling off people, and the like. she also started talking to guys on the net she doesnt know. she'd go into classrooms with names like (just examples, not the real thing) sugarpie18, sweetiegurl18, hottie18, etc. like she was trying to get pervs attention. shes always talking about how bad her friends are into drugs and drinking. i know shes young, and maybe its horomones, but im just waiting for her to come home with some loser or druggie looking for a quick score. that or when she gets arrested for drinking or something. i dont know if she'll grow out of it, or get worse. im actually predicting she'll get worse. when we tell her she needs to stop, or ask why, her answer is "because i can" oh well, i'll be the one laughing when she gets arrested, or telling her i told you so when she gets knocked up or attacked, then i go off to kick the guys *** into the next millenium.

[Megaseth]

ah, forgot to add. my GF used to run around with the bad crowd. some of her friends were the "wiccans" and "freaks" and people nobody really liked, not cause they listened to dark music, just cause they were idiots. well, she had one friend who was really bad, and ended up in a mental hospital. she is constantly telling me how much i have saved her from that stuff snce we started going out. she wasnt a bad kid, just hung out with the bad people. had she not gone out with me, though, she would have went back to them and prolly ended up a junky or worse. it makes me feel good that i could help change someones life for the better.

[Supafly]

unfortunately, she has fallen into the "college lifestyle" as it is percieved my most young people today. i know of far too many people that went to college because they wanted to be away from the parents and "party" as they call it, not actually do anything that has ties with getting an education. it's truly sad, but most eventually grow out of it.

my girlfriend used to be as straightedge as i am, no drinking/smoking/drugs for any reason. then she went to college. peer pressure takes over and she begins drinking because people buy her drinks without asking if she actually wants it and she's too polite to say no. see the thing that gets me is the fact that EVERYTIME she drinks, she pukes. she doesn't even get to the point of being drunk or tipsy. never fails. but yet she continues to do so. why? i can't possibly ****in imagine why. common sense says you do something that makes you puke more than a few times, then you stop doing that thing because obviously your body doesn't agree with it. but the "college life" mentality takes over and she does it for acceptance. it works the same for everyone, the go off to college and find a new group of friends and do whatever they can to fit in. it's a pretty weak willed way of living, but it's become accepted by so many it's not seen that way anymore.

[blue eyes]

hey guys just watch out everyone thinks that it is all normal but to what extent.....there is a limit and even Fiz's sis said that she felt the sep. from him and that was making her fell uncomfortable girls act out differently then men(please dont take that the wrong way guys)...and that is what she was/is doing from what is sounds like... she is just looking for that attention she has lost or feels likes she needs...and like i said before i think she might have been abused and not ready to talk about it from all the stuff that you have said she is doing and what you said she has started to talk to you about hell i could be 100% wrong but that is just what i get out of it!!

[burnin240sx]

man i know your pain. i'm in the same situation except my sis is 16 and i'm 24. all i can do is try to talk to her. i think it helps but it doesn't look like it. if she keeps this up she's going to have to deal with the law getting involved cause she just won't listen to her mom. all we can do is try to listen and talk sense into ehr. hope it works for you. atleast she's not failing in her school work and is already in college my sis thinks she doesn't even need a hs diploma. man have we got to straighten her out. don't know where she got it cause i did all my bad stuff when i was living on my own in worcester from 20-22 and she was in TN at the time.Just keep the communication going. let her know u care.

[ron_langton]

You should seriously consider talking to blue eye's her advice is sound. And you get the womans perspective. I personally have three older sisters and one older brother, and i can tell you this from experience, NARKING as much as i hated it then might be for the best. I learned alot, i used to live in down town denver and almost flunked out of school and was on like an entire year binge, i was trying weed and stuff for the first time,staying out all night. and my ciblings knew and kept quiet for that year, and one day it was like the roof came caving in they all told what they knew to my parents. I still drink occasionally but not nearly as often and if it wasnt for them i think i might have actually gotten in some real trouble. You should consider telling you parents, does she pay for her own college? If not there is you parents best tool. They cut the funding unless she knocks that $hit off, and if she's that bad off it will be a wake up call. She may hate you now but she's family and she will get over it.

[Megaseth]

Good point about the money part. Just cut the cord and see what happens. when shes doing all that and trying to pay for it with a ****ty parttime job, she'll stop and think twice about it.

[JESTER]

Yo Fiz, I feel your pain. My sister is 7 years older than me and has been seperated from her husband for a year. She has been dating the biggest idiots she could find. We have tried and tried to tell her that she is being stupid. She wont listen, and cant figure out why she will end up losing custody of her kids, to her ex who is a senior highway patrolman, and very well respected member of the community. I do think she finally figured it out, but probally too late. Luckily, she is just hard headed. I can work on that.

Anyway, to get back to your situation. She is going to do what she is going to do, and there is nothing you can do to fix it. The harder you try, the worse she will get. She has to want to change. Some people you can not help. No matter who they were, people sometimes just change. Drugs, alcohol, and mental illness can make a friend or family member become a complete stranger in a short time. I hate to say this, but my family would disown her. Respect is very imortant with my parents and grandmothers.

I hope she comes around. Remember you cant live her life for her. But sounds like you may be on track already. I hope so.

[blue eyes]

you know people with mental disorders it is not that they dont want to change some times they cant unless they are ready to get they help that is needed and that could include hospitalization andthat is the same for the drug and alcohol problem...people need to be ready to talk about there problems to be able to get rid of there problems and that means be able to face whatever monsters are in the closets and if you (as that person)are not ready to do that then you wont change till you are

JESTER maybe your sister might be afraid that it is to late if her ex is going after the kids already...she wont want to start the help because she will prolly feel like she has no support

DID this behavior before sep. or after?? i was just wondering if it had anything to do with that or not!!