The New Divorce Agreement

[nissangirl74]

Someone sent this to me, I thought you'd get a kick out of it. Enjoy!


DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

[vikesfankevin1986]

Um I think I will take the weapons, maybe the military but everything else mentioned can be trashed...

[IBCoupe]

Ugh. I want my two minutes back.

Empty talking points are empty talking points.

[heliochrome85]

Someone sent this to me, I thought you'd get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Funny how this is how low the standards are for voting these days. By funny, i really mean Sad.

[Eikon]

Funny how this is how low the standards are for voting these days. By funny, i really mean Sad.

Given the current set of elected officials controlling our nation... Anyone with even an ounce of common sense sounds like a pretty awesome option to me.


I think the only part I don't agree with in the posted letter is the part about giving away Islam.. If we could get rid of the extremists parts of it, great.. but the greater part of the religion and it's followers shouldn't be "sent away". Oh, and can we add the Westboro Baptist chur... no I refuse to call them a church.. Heck they don't qualify for Baptist either.. Anyhow.. can we include those freaks in the "sending away portions"?

[HashiriyaS14]

This is all well and good, but the author should probably rethink their logic.

If you split the US up between red and blue states, the blue states would have more people and a great deal more capital.

He also can't have the military, because his states aren't the ones paying for it, at least not most of it. If the blue states took the percentage of the military their taxpayer bases were funding, there wouldn't be a whole lot left.

Granted, I'm basing my split of red v blue on 2008, so we're getting Florida, Virginia, etc. Even without the swing states however, most of the capital and population is still on the coasts in traditionally blue areas. I'm pretty sure Wall Street is not in Alabama.


So, you know, secede away.

[wingFeather]

This country has divided before & it is doing so again, on it's own, unofficially. All we need to do is make it official.

[stebo0728]

This country has divided before & it is doing so again, on it's own, unofficially. All we need to do is make it official.

Sorry I have to take the Lincoln stance on this one. Together we stand, united we fall. Division does not need to be ratified, but nullified.

[wingFeather]

united we fall.

I couldn't agree more. It is happening before our very eyes.

[stebo0728]

united we fall.

I couldn't agree more. It is happening before our very eyes.

<------- Kicking my own a** haha

That should have read Together we stand, divided we fall

Quick witted you are ... mmmhmmmm

[Watermelonwarrior]

Someone sent this to me, I thought you'd get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Funny how this is how low the standards are for voting these days. By funny, i really mean Sad.

Id have to agree.

[WDRacing]

Am I the only one that recognized this as a humorous story? Funny how the Libs get all whiny even when it's supposed to be humorous.

[srellim234]

Sorry, WD. Works both ways. Look at how vehemently the Republicans circle the wagons whenever anything happens to have a negative tone about them. Unfortunately our country is now so polarized and politically correct that attempts at humor are no longer tolerated. Neither is an honest disagreement where you can discuss something, agree to disagree and then go sit down and have a beer together. Instead, today it is mandatory that you scream louder than the other guy, belittle him and take any little sound bite or phrase out of context and trash him for it.

Look at the replies to the other thread with the list of all the things regarding not complaining about the stuff that happened during the previous administration. Same type of thing going the other direction. Most of the time those types of things should be ignored because the OP is already closed-minded and arguing the individual points serves no purpose.

[WDRacing]

Oh I know it works both ways, I was just saying that all I found in that little "paper" was humor. I laugh at all kinds of Republican jokes. Then again I'll make and laugh at jokes about religion and race to. People take to much s*** seriously these days.

[srellim234]

Absolutely

[IBCoupe]

Am I the only one that recognized this as a humorous story? Funny how the Libs get all whiny even when it's supposed to be humorous.

Supposed to be humorous and actually humorous are often quite very different animals.

[WDRacing]

People that say that could use a few more laughs IMHO homie.

[smockers83]

No one can take this seriously. You have to understand the style of writing is not to lay out a policy idea or anything. It's just a way to communicate in a subtle, indirect way that there has to be a break in the status quo.

[IBCoupe]

No one can take this seriously. You have to understand the style of writing is not to lay out a policy idea or anything. It's just a way to communicate in a subtle, indirect way that there has to be a break in the status quo.

In reality, it was neither subtle nor indirect, and it appears to have less to do with changing the status quo and more to do with furthering the divide by using a caricature of opposing viewpoints to belittle roughly half the country.

Yeah, it was a joke. Wasn't funny, wasn't insightful. Maybe you're right and I'm taking it too seriously, but I try to give respect to well thought-out viewpoints, no matter how much I might disagree with them. I show that respect by doing my best to accurately represent the viewpoints of others.

This was a chain email, with slightly less thought put into it than your average bumper sticker. If you want the status quo to change, I'd suggest you start doing it. Until then, I stand by my previous statement: empty talking points are empty talking points.

[nissangirl74]

empty talking points

is how we ended up with Obama as president. For f***'s sake, it was an e-mail that I got a kick out of and thought I would share. Chill.

[AZhitman]

In reality,

In YOUR reality.

it was neither subtle nor indirect

Opinion, opinion.

Wasn't funny, wasn't insightful.

Opinion, opinion.

using a caricature of opposing viewpoints to belittle roughly half the country.

Aww, the old "play nice" position. F that. I saw it as belittling both.

There's an old saw about sticks and dogs that's incredibly applicable here, but being that you're from the north, you won't get it.

well thought-out viewpoints

Opinion.

Entertaining, mindless chain emails are exactly that: Entertaining and mindless. Then again, you've got to think... What was the motivation to write it? Maybe it was put together by someone illiterate or uneducated who really loves his country.... maybe a disabled vet struggling to put words together through the cloud of Alzheimer's.... Maybe just someone being satirical who just wants to make you think.

Nah, just dismiss it since it's too bumper-stickerish and not up to your "elite" level of thought.

[IBCoupe]

empty talking points

is how we ended up with Obama as president. For f***'s sake, it was an e-mail that I got a kick out of and thought I would share. Chill.

I have been chill. I was deliberately not saying much about it, but then when people started challenging me - well, there went that. It was an email I didn't get a kick out of and I'm explaining why. It doesn't offend me. I'm not going to call the police. I'm not going to report you to the secret White House hotline for dissent. Chill.

Opinion, opinion.

Right, Greg, as that is the essence of critique. Do you have a point?

Aww, the old "play nice" position. F that. I saw it as belittling both.

There's an old saw about sticks and dogs that's incredibly applicable here, but being that you're from the north, you won't get it.

If it did, it was heavily more one than the other.

Greg, I don't care about your colloquialisms. If you can't say it, fine. If you can but won't, fine. I don't care. Just don't waste my time blaming my place of birth for your failings.

Entertaining, mindless chain emails are exactly that: Entertaining and mindless. Then again, you've got to think... What was the motivation to write it? Maybe it was put together by someone illiterate or uneducated who really loves his country.... maybe a disabled vet struggling to put words together through the cloud of Alzheimer's.... Maybe just someone being satirical who just wants to make you think.

Maybe. But that doesn't change its lack of value. Nothing in there that couldn't be had by browsing the comments section on any given article at Foxnews.com. I didn't find it entertaining

Nah, just dismiss it since it's too bumper-stickerish and not up to your "elite" level of thought.

You go ahead and point out something insightful in that email. I'll wait. Or don't bother, being that you already acknowledged that it was an "entertaining, mindless" email. Consistency - you can has.

[WDRacing]

Dude...

Any posts after yours were a direct reflection of your OP. Come on down off your intellectual cloud and get into the water with the rest of us. Seriousness has it's place in life, but you have got to loosen up. You thought it wasn't funny and are acknowledging that you knew it was a joke. You could have easily said nothing at all.

Do you tell people to their face that what they said wasn't in the least bit funny or insightful? If so how's that working out for ya? Try posting as if we're sitting around the p0ker table or something. Yeah you can have a good conversation, but you need to have moments of laughter to keep everything in perspective. That's all this is.

If the joke sucks, then post something funny. But don't be argumentative and then wonder why people have a WTF moment.

Love You still though...if that makes things better

[wingFeather]

there has to be a break in the status quo

This is why the Obamanites are so upset at the thread. "Oh noes, an infidel has insulted Obamahad!"

May his days be few...

[IBCoupe]

Do you tell people to their face that what they said wasn't in the least bit funny or insightful? If so how's that working out for ya? Try posting as if we're sitting around the p0ker table or something. Yeah you can have a good conversation, but you need to have moments of laughter to keep everything in perspective. That's all this is.

Those sorts of emails float around the office all the time, and I gladly call the emails out as worthless to the people who have passed them along. If you're going to take offense at critique of something you didn't create, then I suppose you need to de-plagiarize your emotions.

If the joke sucks, then post something funny. But don't be argumentative and then wonder why people have a WTF moment.

Love You still though...if that makes things better

I was initially dismissive. I then implied that "it wasn't funny," and then you criticized me for saying it. If it's a lighthearted discussion of a joke, why didn't you just let it be? You've only yourself to blame.

My point is that these sorts of things aren't funny. There's nothing relevant that I could post that would be funny. The only people that really find it funny are the sorts of people that prove out the criticism I'm levying on the email - it perpetuates the very political divide that you've suggested the email is designed to address. Saying, "We're so far apart on this issue and it's all their fault" is absurd.

And it doesn't matter who's the target. Again: empty talking points are empty talking points, even if they've got "joke" written on them in black sharpie.

This is why the Obamanites are so upset at the thread. "Oh noes, an infidel has insulted Obamahad!"

May his days be few...

I have to say, if it had been an email critical of Obama as opposed to one critical of Americans, I'd have probably ignored it altogether. Then again, I'm not sure that I'm the "Obamanite" type.

[WDRacing]

My post wasn't just aimed at you. The point you missed was that the party the joke was aimed at couldn't laugh it off. I wasn't calling YOU out.

You're to friggin high maintenance to even talk to sometimes.

To each his own, I could really care less. Just trying to mediate...

[IBCoupe]

I think we're talking past each other.

I'm not suggesting that the piece be taken seriously - like Breitbart on Sherrod, I'm suggesting that the reception the piece receives be taken seriously. I'm suggesting that the fact that the piece is widely distributed be taken seriously. You say that this is a joke about a problem facing this country, and I'm saying that this joke is part of the problem.

We can joke around and comaraderie is necessary to unity, but if you think that jokes like this, made solely at the expense of half of the country by misrepresenting commonly-held beliefs, are conducive to having a functional United States again, you're kidding yourself.

And maybe I am a killjoy - it's only because I'm an ideologue when it comes to dissent and disagreement. I don't have a problem with making fun of public figures. I don't have a problem with making fun of things that people do, but I do have a problem with minimizing the significance of a person's truly held belief. While it's one thing to disagree and disprove another's claims, it's another thing entirely to belittle and dismiss them out of hand.

[WDRacing]

I can accept all those words you just typed...lol.

Since you're an ideologue, how do you compare the broad strokes of the original post with say Europe? I say Europe because it's an broad general example of what we could look like if we disbanded the Fed Gov. Keeping the conversation very broad and with the intent on discussing the disbanding of the Fed Gov with the intent on having individual states each bound by the Constitution but able to use it's own perspective on all things that used to be controlled by the Fed Gov. Each state already having the ability to vote things into law already, it's entirely feasible IMHO.

[IBCoupe]

Is that a suggestion in response to any particular problem, or just to have a continent that looks like Europe? I'm not asking the question rhetorically - it just appeared so dramatically unrelated to what we were just arguing about that I'm a little confused.

Are you suggesting that this might be a plausible solution to a continued fracturing of the United States? The let-it-happen-and-see-what-results approach? It's certainly novel, but I can't see the benefits and costs of such an action. Also, I'm not sure that it could be done without another civil war.

[WDRacing]

Sorry it came out of left field, just thought I'd try and salvage some conversation. Europe was a generic example of a functioning society that doesn't fall under one Federal Government.

Basically I'd like to dissolve the Fed Gov entirely and handle everything on a State level. We can still be the United States of America, we just don't need a Federal Government anymore IMHO. Nothing they do can't be done by the existing State Gov and the infrastructure already in place.

Examples are, CA can legalize, and tax medical marijuana in anyway they deem appropriate. If Texas doesn't like that idea, it can be illegal in that state.

Each state could have it's own social programs and it's own taxes to pay for them. That way everyone can live in whatever state they feel best suits them. Opens the door for more freedoms and a better life for everyone because it removes control from the Government and places it back where it belongs, to the people.

Think about all of the things we disagree on. Your state could be for all of the things you believe in. Everything from immigration to welfare and health care could be done how the people choose. It's far easier for people to control individual states then it is to control the Federal Government.

WD