SkyHawk: The Cam Story (novel about a 240SX)

[visser003]

Finishing up Chapter thirty. and only have six more scenes to convert into chapters to end Part Five out of seven in the novel. close to the end. then its off for official editing and then i gotta find an agent. then ill be rolling in money. i hope

HAHAHAHAHA
This truly proves the point that this guy is living in a dream world.

[Encryptshun]

FYI, when writing dialogue, every new quote should start a new paragraph. Like so:

"Hey there!" said the flat-nosed and slightly mongoloid cashier. "So, did you find everything you needed?"
"Yeah," I replied. "This is a bathroom, and there was a urinal, a sink, soap, water, and paper towels. I'm set."
"That's awesome, brah," he mewled, his greasy forehead glistening in the cold blue light. (Why was it that people just don't ever leave me the hell alone?) "Well, I gotta head back now. My break's over."
"Um, okay, thanks for the info. Have a good one."
"Sure! Hey, if you know any girls, I like to blaze and have sex. Here's my Facebook. Name's Sett."

[anti_flag_army]

I only made it through a third of that page, couldn't take it any more.
"I heard the sound of a growling exhaust pipe coming from outside, you know that low-rumbling sound cool cars make" With little nuggets like this hes bound to really appeal to the car crowd.

[ADDirishboy]

"
"Sure! Hey, if you know any girls, I like to blaze and have sex. Here's my Facebook. Name's Sett."

Honestly though. I read a little over half of that. Umm, it's.... how do I say this.... s***.

It didn't draw me in, it was badly written, you weren't able to create any sort of image in my head, it was kinda racist, and just overall not that good.

[fiznowler]

We should hook him and Nala up maybe they can both lose thier virginity to each other.

[frapjap]

You should write this story from the car's point of view from its flashbacks of being "conceived" in the Nissan plant, to the jerkoff 16 year old who keeps leaving jizz stains when he bangs this other chick with a 240 in the back seat. Her car and his car can complain about how hard they're run around these mountains and don't receive proper fluids and maintenance. As a result, they go on and purposely convert the performance parts to fail mid race via a strike organized that morning- brake pads fail, rotors explode, transmission can't find third at 5700rpms, a tire blows and the kid hits the brakes and flies out the windshield because the seatbelt chime didn't sound to remind him to be safe. In the end the kid dies and the car lives on in a pick and pull yard to be resurrected by another humble teenage owner who sees the potential- thus making a sequel.

s***, I think I may have just wrote a more original story...

[OriginalWheelman]

The facebook "Chapter" was PAINFUL. I can't believe I read as far as I did. Your "writing style" is less enjoyable then a math equation. Ten minutes rambling on about getting dressed and incredibly boring conversation with the idiot best friend made me want to puke my pants. You seemed to have given up making paragraphs at some point, and turned it into one long block of text that had me wanting to gouge my eyes out to keep from reading the rest of it. Apparently "ballers" don't indent. Fighting the urge to give up, I read about 3/4 of it, despite the fact that it hurt my brain to read such boring dialog about characters with seemingly no depth at all. I regret reading it.

[Encryptshun]

OP, I know you are getting flamed mercilessly by this group. It happens. Writing requires a LOT of practice, and there is much more to telling a good story than knowing your audience and appealing to them. You sound very young, and it's great that you are trying to stretch your legs and see what works, so don't get discouraged by the negative feedback. For a first effort, you are being incredibly ambitious and you should know that most accomplished writers write for YEARS before they get something worthy of publication. The most important thing you can do is to find the process that works for you and follow it.

As a hint, you'll find that most real writers don't write one way when they are being casual and one way when they are being serious. Do it all the time until it becomes second-nature to you. It's not like a professional race-car driver is careful and calculated during a race and then weaves all over the road and pays no attention to his surroundings when he's just out driving to the grocery store.

Practice, practice, practice. Start with small stuff like a 250-word short-short story. Work your way up to 10 pages, then 20, then try 50. Focus on the following:

Setting a tone
Using description to be both literal and metaphorical
Structuring your dialog so it sounds natural
Creating a plot that is the size of your story -- no bigger, no smaller
Developing characters that have depth and purpose
Differentiating what is necessary to the story and what isn't (i.e. trimming the fat)

By the time you are ready to write a novel, you should understand how to block out your chapter outlines along with plot points, character interactions, and physical settings from beginning to end before you ever start to write the prose. Having an outline with those elements keeps your prose from becoming bloated (especially with dialogue that ends up meandering around pointlessly for pages and pages) and keeps your plot on-point.

[Dattebayo]

I used to watch a cartoon called sky hawks or something like that...

It was pretty gay, but I liked it anyway. Kids are strange.

[Urabus GodofTraction]

I studied myself in the mirror as I ran a hand through my thick dark-brown curly hair. It was in a sort of mini fro. It was as thick as Dads blond hair used to be. A little nappier though. Because my Mom was Black and my Dad was White, I had the best of both worlds. Tan skin complexion, deep hazel eyes, not to mention a toned muscle build from the Black side of the family.

I came.

[flohtingPoint]

I used to watch a cartoon called sky hawks or something like that...

It was pretty gay, but I liked it anyway. Kids are strange.

Silverhawks

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzAQu23t19A[/youtube]

[Encryptshun]

I studied myself in the mirror as I ran a hand through my thick dark-brown curly hair. It was in a sort of mini fro. It was as thick as Dads blond hair used to be. A little nappier though. Because my Mom was Black and my Dad was White, I had the best of both worlds. Tan skin complexion, deep hazel eyes, not to mention a toned muscle build from the Black side of the family.

I came.

So the mother's maiden name was Black and the father's surname was White?

[ADDirishboy]

I studied myself in the mirror as I ran a hand through my thick dark-brown curly hair. It was in a sort of mini fro. It was as thick as Dads blond hair used to be. A little nappier though. Because my Mom was Black and my Dad was White, I had the best of both worlds. Tan skin complexion, deep hazel eyes, not to mention a toned muscle build from the Black side of the family.

I came.

Damnit Charlieo, I was drinking water when I read that.

And yes. I'm still calling you Charlieo.

[Encryptshun]

Again, I'm reminded of Nala.

[Eikon]

Apparently "ballers" don't indent.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! that is funny!!!

[downedzephyr]

your sentences are too choppy, and have no variation in terms of structure; i wasn't even a quarter of the page deep when i decided i couldn't take anymore.

[PyR0NiAk]

I'm not even going to try. I've completely lost all interest in even clicking the link..

[Ozzie]

I'm not even going to try. I've completely lost all interest in even clicking the link..

[Ajax]

Sometimes I think my office computer block of FB has saved me from brain damage. I may miss all the cool parties, but I'm spared the stupidity that runs rampant (aside from the Nala quotes that get posted on NICO).

[Speedy7_7]

uh first off when i casually write i dont use proper grammar. s

second off my book is totally different from those movies/ animes

third of all its a book dude so..um..yeah its different from a movie. its A BOOK.

fourth of all FF TD was lame when it came to drifting. Initial D is a manga/anime thats Japanese and the plotline is totally different from my book

Fifth of all my book takes place in the USA not Japan

Sixth of the book is always different from the movie. ALWAYS.



so uh shall i go on?

Everyones a critic apparently. I have never "paraphrased" anything. unlike the those movies you refer to, the book is centered around the Nissan S chassis. the book is just as much about the 240SX as it is about the main character. i took my favorite car and made a story about it

OH sweet, I am going to use this rule to write a book about an underdog boxer who overcomes adversity and rises to eventually become a superstar. It will be based on his boxing gloves, not him though. His name will be Stoney Malmoa, and he will win the heart of the love of his life, Arianne, even though she can't stand to see him damage his body in the ring. Crap, I could write 5 books! Look out Grisham, here I come.

[lamonsterscorner]

LMAO

[Bubba1]

Guys, if the OP wrote the story from the S13's perspective, there would be a lot of whining about how it got beaten by a schwinn.

[krash]

nah man, I take schwinns from a dig everyday. Its the Treks you have to watch out for.