Bart: You're going down, Homer.Homer: You talk bigger than fool.Bart: I'm gonna fool you up real nice.Homer: You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had a electrified fooling machine.
Lisa : "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."Bart: "Not if you called it Stinkflower."Homer: "Or Crapblossom."
The Wit and Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."
"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"
"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"
"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."
"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?"
"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"
"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'"
Just want to shear that..feel free to add to it.
Edit: this was stolen from here. They got lots of other good stuff to read at 5 am.
Simpsons Quotes
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ilovedrifting
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Moe They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.
Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'
----Bart (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...PNelson: Bart is pee!Ralph: I made Bart in my pants
Milhouse: This game is awesome!! and it even let me put in my cool game name! Thrillhouse!
THRILLHO
Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'
----Bart (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...PNelson: Bart is pee!Ralph: I made Bart in my pants
Milhouse: This game is awesome!! and it even let me put in my cool game name! Thrillhouse!
THRILLHO
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driftaholic
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TrunkMonkey
- Posts: 3190
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dr!ft
- Posts: 1489
- Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2003 9:49 am
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"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my bladder doesn't leak. If I should pee before I wake, I pray the Lord to dry my lake." - Bart
"My parents said they got me through a mail-order catalog." - Ralph Wiggum when asked where babies come from.
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!" - Homer
Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.Marge: Forget it!
Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.Bart: Right, the leprechaun.Ralph: He told me to burn things.
"My parents said they got me through a mail-order catalog." - Ralph Wiggum when asked where babies come from.
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!" - Homer
Homer: I have a great way to solve our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.Marge: Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.Homer: C'mon, Marge, we're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.Marge: Forget it!
Ralph: That's my swingset, and that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the leprechaun.Bart: Right, the leprechaun.Ralph: He told me to burn things.
demcj wrote:"daddy, this place smells like tinkle." -anonymous little girl
from the episode where moe wants to turn the bar into a family restaurant.
-demetrius
That was actually Dr.Hibberts youngest daugther.
"Oh Kent, you can use facts to prove anything, fourteenf percent of all people know that."
"He's drinking the water!!!!!!" (that little bird thing)
"To break the evil spiders curse, simply quote a bible verse.... Thou shalt not........ Ohh (throws rock at spider)"
"I am evil homer, I am evil homer" Ralph: Mr. Simpson the fumes are making me dizzyHomer: Yeah, they'll do that.
Marge: The town should get something usefulHomer: Like giant sign that says "no fat chicks"
I could go on for a while. I'm a huuge simpsons fan. But the new ones are pretty bad.
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Zydeco
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Homer: "Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will."
Homer: "All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
Homer: "Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song) And I think this one takes the cake. "Trying is the first step towards failure."
Homer: "All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."
Homer: "Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song) And I think this one takes the cake. "Trying is the first step towards failure."
I used to be way more into it....I don't really have time for TV anymore. 
Homer: "No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy. No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy. No beer and no TV make Homer..."
Marge: "...go crazy?"
Homer: "Don't mind if I do!" *Insert random, comical noises uttered by the man himself*
Homer: "No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy. No beer and no TV make Homer go crazy. No beer and no TV make Homer..."
Marge: "...go crazy?"
Homer: "Don't mind if I do!" *Insert random, comical noises uttered by the man himself*
FBI: So when I say hello Mr. Thompson and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. Homer: Got it.FBI: Hello Mr. THompsonHomer: I think he is talking to you.
Homer(I think): Remember, you can always find east by staring at the sun.
Homer: Animals can sense fear.Bart and Homer: Ahhh! Bear!Bart: I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.Homer: Run you fool!
Car dealer: I'm gonna level with you Mr. Simpson, you couldn't afford this if you lived to be a million.
Homer (when looking at an RV): Does it have a deep fryer?Car dealer: It's got 4 of them. One for each part of the chicken.
Homer(I think): Remember, you can always find east by staring at the sun.
Homer: Animals can sense fear.Bart and Homer: Ahhh! Bear!Bart: I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.Homer: Run you fool!
Car dealer: I'm gonna level with you Mr. Simpson, you couldn't afford this if you lived to be a million.
Homer (when looking at an RV): Does it have a deep fryer?Car dealer: It's got 4 of them. One for each part of the chicken.
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SnowMongoose
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krazy skwerel
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2005 Honda Accord
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mrbean
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Best... Line... Ever...:
Officer Eddie: "Do you hold a grudge againt Montgomery Burns?"
Moe: "No!'
Lie detector: *BUZZ*
Moe: "Alright, maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him!"
Lie detector: *DING*
Officer Eddie: "Checks out. Ok, Sir, you're free to go."
Moe: "Good, cuz I got a hot date tonight."
*BUZZ*
"A date."
*BUZZ*
"Dinner with friends."
*BUZZ*
"Dinner alone."
*BUZZ*
"Watching TV alone."
*BUZZ*
"Alright! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies of the Victoria's Secret catalog."
*BUZZ*
"... Sears catalog."
*DING*
"Now would you unhook this already please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!"
*BUZZ*
... Second... Best... Line... Ever...:
Police Chief Wiggum: "Dispatch this is Chief Wiggum back in pursuit of the rebelling women."
Dispatcher: "Alright, your current location?"
Wiggum: "Oh... Uh... I'ma, I'm on a road... uh... looks to be asphalt. Um... Oh geez... trees, shrubs... I'm directly under the earth's sun... now."
...and lastly:
Bart: "...and that's why I have to go to Toronto."
Homer: "Now why would you want to leave America for America Junior?"
Officer Eddie: "Do you hold a grudge againt Montgomery Burns?"
Moe: "No!'
Lie detector: *BUZZ*
Moe: "Alright, maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him!"
Lie detector: *DING*
Officer Eddie: "Checks out. Ok, Sir, you're free to go."
Moe: "Good, cuz I got a hot date tonight."
*BUZZ*
"A date."
*BUZZ*
"Dinner with friends."
*BUZZ*
"Dinner alone."
*BUZZ*
"Watching TV alone."
*BUZZ*
"Alright! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies of the Victoria's Secret catalog."
*BUZZ*
"... Sears catalog."
*DING*
"Now would you unhook this already please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!"
*BUZZ*
... Second... Best... Line... Ever...:
Police Chief Wiggum: "Dispatch this is Chief Wiggum back in pursuit of the rebelling women."
Dispatcher: "Alright, your current location?"
Wiggum: "Oh... Uh... I'ma, I'm on a road... uh... looks to be asphalt. Um... Oh geez... trees, shrubs... I'm directly under the earth's sun... now."
...and lastly:
Bart: "...and that's why I have to go to Toronto."
Homer: "Now why would you want to leave America for America Junior?"