Her being your EX is tricky business. I know trust is trust but never underestimate women. I hate to sound like an ******* (and this is my only my experience) but when it comes to kids and being single with them, women will do whatever they can to ensure that they don't get ****ed or that if they do they have some sucker that they can lean on or milk. I went through this myself with my ex when she told me she was preggers after we split up.
At this point I wish I did do a test in the very beginning. Hell my parents told me to do one from the start even. At least I would have known 100%. I'm at the point where I'm too scared to because I love my child so much that if there was some off chance she wasn't mine, I'd be crushed beyond belief. I don't trust my ex, we just get along for the sake of our kid. But I do love my kid dearly and she counts on me like yours will count on you, should you choose to be involved. Approach this with a level head.
Do what’s right for the child and not what’s right for you or the mother even if it conflicts with what the mother wants. As long as you truly do what’s in the child’s best interests then you’ll be ok. It’ll just take some soul searching to find out what that is. Remember, no one is truly ready for their first child. Some are just a bit more prepared than others. You have started a new journey in your life. The path you choose now will determine that man that you are forever. (no pressure) lol
OT = good or bad idk
Re: (powergrip)
thanx for the input guys this is helping me out alot on getting threw this... i was talking to her last week her mom wanted me to come over and sit with her... so we can talk about whats going to happin... and i went into my "ex`s" room and started talking... well lets just say we are back together... but this time im going to make it work i dont want my kid to grow up like i did... with-out a dad for 9 years of my life and dis-owned me and done all kinds of crap to avoid me... i want to be there for my kid and its mother... now ive been with this company for 6 months now and my insurace is about to kick in... my boss pays 100% of it... im not real good with insurace but i know mine in my last company was 90/10... but ive been looking for another job... need nights so she can be in school during the day... but im starting to get my self back together...
Re: (kcourtad)
I know the feeling bro. I never met my father.kcourtad wrote:i dont want my kid to grow up like i did... with-out a dad for 9 years of my life and dis-owned me and done all kinds of crap to avoid me
I cant say much about the experience of having a kid because it hasnt happened to me yet. All I can really do is say good luck to you buddy!
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daan
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:00 am
- Car: 08 Nissan Versa S base
- Location: Erin Prarie WI
Garage sales will be your friend. THe baby won't care if he/she has used stuff! There are these stores by us called "Once Upon A Child" that has used baby gear and it's way cheaper than new stuff. Especially if they're gonna outgrow it in weeks/months... My girl loves to shop, and going there totally saves the budget AND she feels like she can buy whatever she wants. Everybody wins! Garage sales rock for this stuff, too. You don't HAVE to spend a ton of $ on a baby, but it's scary easy to if you don't watch it.
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Ever Victorious
- Posts: 4008
- Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:03 am
- Car: '08 Kia Spectra 5
'73 AMC Hornet
Re: (daan)
Yeah, second hand baby goods/consignment stores, along with places like Goodwill and Value Village may just save your bacon.
My wife just bought 8 outfits for our son for like $10 at Goodwill two weeks ago. Try doing that some place that sells new clothes, and you're easily around $200.
Personally, places where I think you SHOULDN'T skimp:
1) Car seat. Never buy a used one. You won't know if it's been in a wreck. And, like a car's seatbelt, if it has... it won't protect as well as it should, if it even protects at all. Also, a lot of inexpensive car seats have installation problems, and they barely meet federal safety requirements... as opposed to higher end seats, like our Britax Marathon, which survived CR's flawed crash test that accidentally simulated a 70 MPH t-bone accident, instead of 35 MPH.
2) Food. Food is one of the key developmental building blocks of your child. Only feed formula if there is a serious problem, like your girl can't produce milk or your child is for some reason allergic. Breast milk allows the child to receive antibodies and immunities from the mother for the first 6 months, and also provides all of the correct nutrients for the first 6-12 months of life. When you do start feeding solid foods, try to find some organic baby food. Gerber and Good Earth sell organic foods for barely more than Gerber's regular foods. We feed a mix of organic and regular because sadly, the available selection of organic food isn't as good. But the more organic and the less regular processed food, the better.
3) Mom's diet. This is corollary to #2 above. First and foremost, prenatal vitamins! These can help stave off all kinds of birth defects, and a $10 jar will probably last not only the whole pregnancy, but a few months after. Also, I STRONGLY suggest you two enroll in and attend Bradley birthing classes. Even if you don't plan on having a natural birth, the information they give both on stress relief and proper pre-natal nutrition are WELL worth the $$.
4) Health insurance. We haven't had anything go sideways yet, but it's nice having insurance so we don't get uberscrewed.
Anything else is really up to you.
My wife just bought 8 outfits for our son for like $10 at Goodwill two weeks ago. Try doing that some place that sells new clothes, and you're easily around $200.
Personally, places where I think you SHOULDN'T skimp:
1) Car seat. Never buy a used one. You won't know if it's been in a wreck. And, like a car's seatbelt, if it has... it won't protect as well as it should, if it even protects at all. Also, a lot of inexpensive car seats have installation problems, and they barely meet federal safety requirements... as opposed to higher end seats, like our Britax Marathon, which survived CR's flawed crash test that accidentally simulated a 70 MPH t-bone accident, instead of 35 MPH.
2) Food. Food is one of the key developmental building blocks of your child. Only feed formula if there is a serious problem, like your girl can't produce milk or your child is for some reason allergic. Breast milk allows the child to receive antibodies and immunities from the mother for the first 6 months, and also provides all of the correct nutrients for the first 6-12 months of life. When you do start feeding solid foods, try to find some organic baby food. Gerber and Good Earth sell organic foods for barely more than Gerber's regular foods. We feed a mix of organic and regular because sadly, the available selection of organic food isn't as good. But the more organic and the less regular processed food, the better.
3) Mom's diet. This is corollary to #2 above. First and foremost, prenatal vitamins! These can help stave off all kinds of birth defects, and a $10 jar will probably last not only the whole pregnancy, but a few months after. Also, I STRONGLY suggest you two enroll in and attend Bradley birthing classes. Even if you don't plan on having a natural birth, the information they give both on stress relief and proper pre-natal nutrition are WELL worth the $$.
4) Health insurance. We haven't had anything go sideways yet, but it's nice having insurance so we don't get uberscrewed.
Anything else is really up to you.
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daan
- Posts: 165
- Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:00 am
- Car: 08 Nissan Versa S base
- Location: Erin Prarie WI
http://www.enfamil.com/BreastfeedingKit/Our Dr told my wife to take these (the Lipil things) as well as prenatal vitamins. Apparently they don't put what's in there, in prenatal stuff and it's important. http://www.babycenter.com/freestuff.htm ... gs....html
free stuff rules. There's tons of this out there, too. My girl spent days on the computer looking for free.cheap stuff. A lot of hospitals/Dr clinics have birthing/childcare classes that are free or cheap (I work at a hospital so ours were free but I think they were only like $5 for non-employees) Hope this helps
free stuff rules. There's tons of this out there, too. My girl spent days on the computer looking for free.cheap stuff. A lot of hospitals/Dr clinics have birthing/childcare classes that are free or cheap (I work at a hospital so ours were free but I think they were only like $5 for non-employees) Hope this helps
Re: (daan)
Two words twice:
Maury Povich
Paternity test
Once you accept responsibility it doesn't matter 5 years down the road when you find out that the brat isn't yours. You're on the hook for 18 years. And don't underestimate the power of a single mother in the court system. Can you say garnishment of wages?
Maury Povich
Paternity test
Once you accept responsibility it doesn't matter 5 years down the road when you find out that the brat isn't yours. You're on the hook for 18 years. And don't underestimate the power of a single mother in the court system. Can you say garnishment of wages?
Re: (kcourtad)
awsome, the car bed strikes again, good luck with the whole pregnancy thing though, i know alot of young fathers and according to them its all worth it but it is alot of work, and for the car seat why dont you get the sparco baby seat, it looks alot like a racing seat jkkcourtad wrote:one you have to trust the one you are with... and i couldnt find the "stuff" on the BLACK towel i used or in the versa... soooooooooooo... pretty much sums it all up... ps that topic about how the front seats can be turned into a bed... well yea it works... even on a bumpy night....
Re: (bucksnort)
It's true, the courts favor the mother. You can have a stand up dad and a crazy mother and the courts will side with the mothers, every time. I've seen it first hand. Luckily I haven't been down that road. I pray I never will.bucksnort wrote:Two words twice:
Maury Povich
Paternity test
Once you accept responsibility it doesn't matter 5 years down the road when you find out that the brat isn't yours. You're on the hook for 18 years. And don't underestimate the power of a single mother in the court system. Can you say garnishment of wages?
Re: (manvan)
yea awsome... lolmanvan wrote: awsome, the car bed strikes again,