joke thread.

[xekushnr]

theres probably already been a hundred threads like this, but i dont care. post up some good ones. no holds barred. i'll (obviously) start it off.

Q: why did hitler stop drinking whiskey?A: he was a mean drunk.

Q: whats the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?A: einstein's c*ck (my ex didnt really like that one)

[skylndrftr]

why does mexico never win anything in the olympics?

because anyone who can run jump or swin is already here

oh and another one

DriftingJesus <- just a little others joke

[RB20DETodd]

What do you call 6 black guys in a car??

Tinted windows

[RB20DETodd]

What do you call 6 white guys in a car?

untinted windows

NOW YOU BANDWAGION WORLDLY ****ERS HAVE NOTHING ON MY POST CAUSE ITS RACIST AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE!

[KA-Te]

Heard this one at work the other day

What's the difference between your paycheck and your pen15?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

[nchopp]

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna. Someone needs to tell the turkey "Man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. You got your own thing goin'. I used to draw you." (Stares at hand.) Man, if you were missing a couple of fingers, you drew one f*cked-up turkey. You'd be like, "That turkey's been in an accident."

[thekage]

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the road.The priest says, " Hey wanna go screw some alter boys"?The rabbi says.."Out of what"?

[hannibal]

^ Hilarious!

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

[nchopp]

An Elder is taking over Confession for the Parish Priest while he is out of town. A man comes into the booth. "Father, forgive me, it has been 9 years since my last confession, and I have sinned. I fornicated with another man."

Elder: "Oh my." The Elder did not know how to deal with this, so he poked his head out of the booth and saw an altar boy walking towards the Vestry. "You, boy, what does the Father usually give for sodomy?" The altar boy looked up, thought, and responded "Oh, usually a candy bar or ice cream cone."

[One_Love]

knock knock

[hannibal]

Who's there?

[One_Love]

i dunno

[JimmyMethod]

What do you call 10 tenticles and one gaping hole?

[MinisterofDOOM]

and there was much rejoicing.

What do you call 10 tenticles and one gaping hole?

Calamari?

i dunno

Well I do

[hannibal]

i dunno

Good one!

[One_Love]

[nismofly]

i know most of you know this...but for those who dont:

You know what's cooler than watching snakes eat?

[skylndrftr]

snakes on a plane?

[superDorifto]

chuck norris doesnt go hunting, because hunting includes the possibility of failure...chuck norris goes killing.

anti bacterial soap kills 99.9%of bacteria...chuck norris kills 100% of what ever the f*** he wants to.

chuck norris is the only man alive that can eat a rubicx cube and poop it out solved...

[hannibal]

i know most of you know this...but for those who dont:

You know what's cooler than watching snakes eat?

uhh, I give up...

[nismofly]

i know a lot of you read maddox

CMON PEOPLE

[srpowered240sx]

this is a joke thread, not a riddle thread. post a joke, and the punch line.

[hannibal]

[nismofly]

stfu n00bz

whats better than watching snakes eat?

having sex

[hannibal]

[nismofly]

as i already stated, its something maddox said

go read every article on his site

[JimmyMethod]

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

[DanCouga]

What do battered women and deaf children have in common?

They just don't ****ing listen!

[Bubba1]

What do battered women and deaf children have in common?

They just don't ****ing listen!

How 'bout an Arthur Anderson consulting joke? I had several friends that had worked for them

A couple were reading their menu's in a big busy chain restaurant. They were amazed by how quickly the all male waiters were doing their tasks. When their waiter arrived to take their order, the man asked the waiter, "I noticed that every waiter here has a spoon in their shirt pocket. Is there a reason for that?

The waiter proudly said, " well, yes sir, we recently underwent an extensive Arthur Anderson time management study. Arthur Anderson determined that 78.9% of the silverware dropped by patrons were spoons. Their analysis concluded it took an average of 3 minutes per dropped utensil to fetch a replacement. By carrying a spoon with us, Arthur Anderson determined the restaurant would save 2.37 hrs of worker productivity per week, resulting in improved service.

The woman replied, "That's interesting. Now I also noticed that every waiter seems to have a long thread coming out of their fly. Is that a result of the study as well?The waiter responded, "You're very observant ma'am. Yes, this was another innovation by the Arthur Anderson management team. You see, during the time management analysis, it was determined that 85.5% of the waiter bathroom breaks involved urination, and took an average of 4.3 minutes per restroom visit. 68.9% of that time involved washing/drying our hands.By tying a string around our genital's, meant we could go to bathroom without touching our genitalia, keeping our handls away from possible splashing. This also enabled the waiters to skip washing hands resulting in improved productivity.

The man thought a second, and said, "hmmm, wait a moment. If Arthur Anderson's consultants have you using a string to pull out your...pen15, than how does Arthur Anderson expect you to put your pen15 back into your pants when your done without using your hands??"

The waiter grinned, and said in a hushed tone, "well, they never quite told us that part, so we solved it on our own by using the spoons..."

[MinisterofDOOM]

So that's why the soup tasted so salty...