Am I doing the right thing?

[nissangirl74]

I think if she was going to change you would at least have seen some effort. Get a good lawyer and get on with your life.

[Ozzie]

This is all way too familiar -- I have now-divorced or very-soon-to-be divorced friends who went through the same misery almost down to the exact detail. I never get this far in as I'm typically the one who abandons ship when I see the titanic approaching an iceberg.

Maturity isn't something you can counsel away. Partnership requires the active participation of both parties, and she clearly had different expectations and ideas of what her role was in a marriage, possibly due to parental influences.

If the goals and responsibilities aren't shared, the partnership is dead. She might change later on, but it likely won't be until she's alone and figuring out life by herself.

^THIS!

I am probably one of the friends that Jesda is referring to.

I have been there.... My advice is GTFO now, before she screws your mind up completely.
You need to stop rationalising all her s*** behavior, and start looking at it for what it really is.
Let her be someone elses headache.

[krash]

Dude, from what you are saying now, it doesn't look like she's going to be making any changes. It just seems like that whole dependence thing again. She'll pout about things until she gets what she wants, and then SHES good, so nothing else matters. That valentines day thing is COMPLETE bs man, you need to get someone that cares about you dude. In my opinion, if you have to MAKE things work its just not meant to happen.

[skydragoness]

^THIS!

I am probably one of the friends that Jesda is referring to.

I have been there.... My advice is GTFO now, before she screws your mind up completely.
You need to stop rationalising all her s*** behavior, and start looking at it for what it really is.
Let her be someone elses headache.

When you start rationalizing and accepting behavior like this, you really lower your standards and keep yourself from someone that you deserve/that deserves you.

[Axel Grungy]

^THIS!

I am probably one of the friends that Jesda is referring to.

I have been there.... My advice is GTFO now, before she screws your mind up completely.
You need to stop rationalising all her s*** behavior, and start looking at it for what it really is.
Let her be someone elses headache.

When you start rationalizing and accepting behavior like this, you really lower your standards and keep yourself from someone that you deserve/that deserves you.

This is the same argument im having with a friend right now. You deserve better and don't think for a second that you don't. I wouldn't put up with that kinda BS for a second. I usually jump ship just as i see some problems surfacing. Since you don't have kids, you can end it relatively easy. You can't change anyone unless they want to do it themselves. Obviously she doesn't.

[Mr1der]

run like hell.

it doesn't sound like there's any kind of reasonable excuse for you to stay.

[Bubba1]

It sounds like you have been more than willing to exert the extra effort to make the marriage work, but for whatever reason(s), she does not seem to share that same enthusiasm. A good marriage requires both participants to put the other's needs/wants before themselves and to communicate if something is not right. You can't do it alone. We don't know her side of the story, but her unwillingness to allow you to "cash" in those intangible gifts and your drawing a line in the sand with her follow thru with those "gifts" (despite them being "together" activities) are clear signs that the two of you are not on the same page with this marriage. That does not make either of you bad, evil people. It just means your marriage requires some changes that BOTH of you must be willing to make for it to survive. If that's not possible, then you should consider PIIHB ,separate and find happiness without each other.
Best of luck.

[Dattebayo]

Nobody is perfect pal, but it sounds like your wife is a damn princess.

You can't change that. You better have had a pre-nump.

[4cefed]

This is relevant I promise
For Valentines Day about 5 years ago she made this awesome booklet that had coupons in it for things like movie of my choice, dinner on the town, whip cream party, erotic massage, one night of video games together and so on.

My wife did something similar. It was a "fight box." When we fought about something, after we calmed down we would have to draw a card and do what it said no exceptions. It's a great idea and worked well. Wish you luck man, but it just doesn't sound promising.

[USMCgetsome]

man i felt like i was the only one having to deal with the PRINCESS SYNDROME. I just hit my 8th anniversary and i'll have to say it's been quite a struggle getting mine into shape. She got the same issues as your wife but the twist is that i just not got her into somewhat of a responsible adult these last 2 years. If you push and shes not responsive then i say bail why you can and before your in debt emotionally and financially. Your future is bleeker than mine. if you want to get more personal im me anytime bro

[MellowZ32]

cut your losses and let her go. you're already on your way to a better place and she is only weighting you down.

[AppleBonker]

All I can do is relay the best relationship I have ever received:

Put it in her butt.

When I was told this, I thought it was a joke. Then I had the opportunity to use it and I realized how amazing that little suggestion could be.

[PoorManQ45]

My wife did something similar. It was a "fight box." When we fought about something, after we calmed down we would have to draw a card and do what it said no exceptions. It's a great idea and worked well. Wish you luck man, but it just doesn't sound promising.

I am showing that one to the Miss. What kind of activities did you include?

[THawks]

The common consensus here seems to be get out while you can. I whole-heartedly agree with this. From the get go what seems to me to be her pushing you to get married before you were ready on up to the update you posted, she is only thinking of herself.

I was stupid and got married young, bit me in the a** but I got out the moment i found out she cheated. I moved onto a relationship that, while not as bad, is comparable to what you are going through. Lasted 3 years, major depression setting in during that time because of the relationship and the stresses it caused. Everything set her off. Daily fights. Got rid of her but I am still fighting with the depression.

Get out while you can before any permanent to semi-permanent damage can be done, not only physical and mental but in how you think of other women. Not many are as bad as this.

[4cefed]

I am showing that one to the Miss. What kind of activities did you include?

Nothing extravagant. They were even, some were in her favor some were in mine, some were neutral. Like, watch a movie of her choice or watch one of mine. Take our daughter somewhere together, go for a walk, I make dinner for her, she makes dinner for me. They were tailored to our lives.

[Jesda]

I am showing that one to the Miss. What kind of activities did you include?

Nothing extravagant. They

Anal.

[Joe]

I am showing that one to the Miss. What kind of activities did you include?

Nothing extravagant. They were even, some were in her favor some were in mine, some were neutral. Like, watch a movie of her choice or watch one of mine. Take our daughter somewhere together, go for a walk, I make dinner for her, she makes dinner for me. They were tailored to our lives.

is this what its like to be married?

ill stick to the raunchy makeup sex.

[Bubba1]

Anal.

It would be especially amusing if PMQ forgets to clarify and ends up on the receiving end...(Mooooon Riverrrrrrr!!!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBsIcRZB ... re=related

[PoorManQ45]

Anal.

It would be especially amusing if PMQ forgets to clarify and ends up on the receiving end...(Mooooon Riverrrrrrr!!!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBsIcRZB ... re=related

Ok, that one got me laughing pretty damn good!

[MellowZ32]

I was stupid and got married young, bit me in the a** but I got out the moment i found out she cheated. I moved onto a relationship that, while not as bad, is comparable to what you are going through. Lasted 3 years, major depression setting in during that time because of the relationship and the stresses it caused. Everything set her off. Daily fights. Got rid of her but I am still fighting with the depression.

LISTEN TO THIS MAN!

[confused9]

i'm sorry man i'm in the same (not nearly as bad) position as you are. you're the one who showed the initiative to change for her and yourself and she's not doing anything about that. that's not right. get a counselor and if that doesn't work then divorce. that's not fair to you if you're being such a great person and she's being bitchy. again, i'm sorry

[krimsonviper]

One thing before you move a head. She knows a divorce is in the mix, do NOT believe her when she says she on the pill, and do NOT receive a condom from her. In fact, don't trust the condoms you have now.

Jussayin' "accidental pregnancy" isn't so accidental.

[Bubba1]

One thing before you move a head. She knows a divorce is in the mix, do NOT believe her when she says she on the pill, and do NOT receive a condom from her. In fact, don't trust the condoms you have now.

Jussayin' "accidental pregnancy" isn't so accidental.

That makes PIIHB a better plan in more ways than one...

[One Finger]

I've always been of the belief that if a relationship doesn't enrich your life, make you happier, bring you joy etc. then it's not worth having. Granted there are always situations that complicate things, but if the person is the one causing the problems and you are struggling to be happy in it, then it's not the best thing for you. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

That's just my 2 cents.

[marlin29311]

You said you were married Catholicly - are you Catholic Empty V? Are you close to a priest?

Your relationship almost sounds like grounds for an annulment, which would be a hell of a lot better for you than a divorce.

Marriage should envirgorate you, not bring you down. You should look forward to coming home every night and being with one another, not dread the occurance.

My only question is why didn't the majority of these things come up prior to marriage? (or if they did, how did they change significatly? A pre-cana course should have identified a lot of these issues). From the sounds of it, there were issues at hand prior to the marriage which needed to be taken care of on BOTH parties - it sounds like your wife was unwilling to compromise, which is a sheer sign of future pain.

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. Relationship pain is the worst one to feel and endure...at least you're figuring it out while you're young and without kids...My fiancee's parents took 25 years and 3 kids to figure it out...