For the list of symptoms you're having, the best we can do is guess that the BCM is the cause of all these problems.
If your heat issue started out of the blue way after your original issues, then maybe it's just coincidence. I saw something that seems to point at that being a separate issue and quite common too
ebrobb wrote: ↑Fri Dec 01, 2017 4:16 pm
...then a new heat box with all the actuators at 55k in 2015, after that the owners moved out of state.
So there are still the most recent 2 years and 32k miles that i haven't been able to trace down but the service advisor told me they are generally very reliable cars and the main problem they saw with the M was the heater blend door that wouldn't put heat to the passenger side of the car, ...
Unfortunately, I think we'll keep going in circles until something is changed. It sucks but that is part of troubleshooting.
As pedsemdoc showed above, the BCM ties those features together. Why not try replacing the common component to all the problems first?
Buy a used one cheaply online, and install it at home or the mechanic. If the car refuses to work because the BCM needs programming, reinstall the old one and take it to the dealership to do that. I say this because I've replaced a BCM without requiring anything special (different model)
If you can find one out of another hybrid even better, but I'd try to ask the seller what features the donor car had to compare to yours. Either way, once you get them both in hand, just compare and install fuses and relays in the new one if it's blank where your current one has them.
Or, even if you don't buy one, remove it from the car and check all the relays and fuses, then wiring harnesses around it.
That's how I'd go about digging myself out of this mess. Unfortunately it's gonna cost time or money, or both.