Everyone, please say hello to the new 2014 Mercedes Benz ES350. Wait, s***. I mean Mercedes Bens CLA-class.
MB has a new entry-level model headed over here to the US soon. It's called the CLA class. It's about the same size as a C-class. This car will only offer four-cylinder options and is positioned as a smaller take on the CLS's abominably stupid "couplike sedan" nonsense idiocy which means it has no headroom but men with small penises can feel better about themselves while driving it. Or something like that.
But that's not the source of my "WTF?" This is:
It's hard to tell with all the stupid plastic, but that engine is turned the wrong way.
It's a FWD Mercedes. It's a C-CLASS SIZED FRONT WHEEL DRIVE MERCEDES.
Take a moment and let that sink in.
Aside from that, though, I have plenty of other things to criticize about this car. Firstly, external dimensions are nearly exactly the same size as a C-class. It's a little longer and a little narrower. It's entirely redundant. There is a reason Lexus is the only automaker on earth who has been able to make FWD midsize luxury cars sell successfully. Redundancy and the lack of a market are the reasons the Infiniti I no longer exists. Audi sells only AWD versions of the A4 here for a reason. BMW's 1 series is constantly criticized for being too close in size to the 3 series--but at least it has power to the right end plus available hot powerplant options. Cadillac's only attempt at a similar car failed spectacularly, and they've since learned their lesson. Cadillac didn't go far out of their way to build a superior rear-driver in the ATS just for kicks. The Jaguar X-type was also a massive failure. See a trend here?
Meanwhile, despite being both FWD AND bigger than the C-class, the CLA has SIGNIFICANTLY LESS interior space (even accounting for the coupelike roofline). Legroom is notably poorer. This is supposed to be one of the STRENGTHS of FWD packaging: cabin-to-body size ratio.
Also, despite being based on a more efficiently-packaged FWD platform, the CLA manages to weigh no less than C-class with comparable powerplant. There's yet another FWD-packaging benefit out the window.
But MB didn't miss all of FWD's strong points. And that's still a part of my b****-fest. You see, the CLA-class will cost a mere $30k. The cheapest A4 or 3-series start a couple grand higher than that. Even the most gutless IS is $5k more expensive. And the G goes for a solid $7k more. So we've got Mercedes-Benz doing what they do best: bringing the cheapest cars they can possibly muster to the "Entry Luxury" game.
That last point might sound like a GOOD thing. Unless you've ever driven an entry-level Mercedes. Despite being somehow perceived as the icon of modern luxury, entry-level Benzes tend to feel shockingly cheap. And now they're getting cheaper. And even if you haven't driven a cheap Benz before, there's the fact that this is the same philosophy that gave us the X-type. And the Cimarron. And the Audi A3. None of which has been well-recieved in the US, where we expect our upscale German luxury cars to be...upscale and luxurious.
I'm genuinely curious to see how well this sells. I know entry-level Benz customers aren't the most discerning buyers (I've had them openly admit to me that they chose their car PURELY so they could tell people they drive a Mercedes). So it might work. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a sad, lazy, sloppy excuse for a small luxury car. And considering how the compact lux market is heating up (Hey, there, ATS! How's being awesome going for you?) I sure as Hell wouldn't want to be caught selling something that's any of those 3 things.
