Where to retire with your G

[telcoman]

RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of your choices:

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Telcoman

[Amays U G37S]

All ya'll is plural.


hehehehhee

Dirty Souf'!

[LuckyLuke]

California #1 no longer valid.. you can afford the house with income $50 or less..

[370Z/28]

Good one. The southernisms are true. BTW, to my family I'm Becki Lynn.

I have really thought hard about where I want to retire. It won't be Memphis. I would love Reno, NV. Heard great things about that. Has to be warm and has to have gamb|ing nearby. Either there or somewhere near Biloxi, MS/New Orleans/LSU. Florida is too crowded.

[LuckyLuke]

Reno wasn't that nice when I went there. Peppermill was a nice hotel and casino, but downtown area looked like a warzone. Everything was dead... No party or anything..

[telcoman]

Good one. The southernisms are true. BTW, to my family I'm Becki Lynn.

I have really thought hard about where I want to retire. It won't be Memphis. I would love Reno, NV. Heard great things about that. Has to be warm and has to have gamb|ing nearby. Either there or somewhere near Biloxi, MS/New Orleans/LSU. Florida is too crowded.

Atlantic City has gamb|ing

[370Z/28]

No partying?? Count me out They have a really huge car show there every year and they say the weather and scenery is great. NV has very low taxes too.

Why is the word gamb|ing coming out so funny?

[LuckyLuke]

Ah Hot August Nights - Cars show in Reno...

[Kendahl]

I used to know a guy who grew up in Evanston, Wyoming, which is in the southwest corner of the state. He told me they only had two seasons -- winter and the 4th of July.

[SVTCOBRA]

Would have to be a place close to the beaches, close to the mountains, known for the BEST BBQ.....oh yeah, has to be in the SOUTH!!! YES, I'm good with retiring here!

[oldandslow]

You forgot to add a California season
EARTHQUAKES

[audtatious]

California #1 no longer valid.. you can afford the house with income $50 or less..

and can default on it with no fear of the Gov actually forcing you to move

[tollboothwilley]

Vegas is a party all the time. Summers are hot...and very long. LOL. But it is 5* cooler than Phoenix.

The thing about retired people is that often they are so old that the heat of Phoenix and Las Vegas actually help the blood pump throughout the body and makes them feel less fragile.