UPDATE!
As of 10 minutes ago, I've found out that my injector plugs were probably in the wrong order. I removed my CAS and turned the shaft to observe the pulse order of the injectors (also removed the fuel pump fuse and disconnected the coilpack harness), and it was 1-3-2-4. I swapped the #2 and #4 injector plugs and got it to the proper 1-3-4-2 sequence. I bumped the starter a couple times and it seemed eager to crank (although it was before). I'll have to wait till tomorrow to fire it up since it's louder than thunder.
Before it got late, I swapped to my extra set of coilpacks and gapped my plugs, which were strangely set to .05mm. I set them to 1.1mm as per the FSM. It didn't make it run any better, but this was before I investigated the injector plug crime scene.
I also did a quick soapy boost leak test and discovered these leaks:
-Wastegate actuator nipple (bad hose tip -- fixed)
-Nismo FPR (leaking between the two halves -- how do I fix this?)
-BOV flanges (probably the welds, but the leak is facing down so I can't see it, just big fat bubbles droopin' out -- gonna remove that pipe and submerge it to trace the leak if I have to)
Lastly, I've been wondering if my wastegate actuator is faulty. Reason being, I can cap the nipple off with my finger, yet it makes opening the wastegate no more difficult. I can open the wastegate, cap the nipple off, then release the wastegate, and it will shut just as fast as not capping the nipple.

[youtube]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4JjunXdZSA&feature=plcp[/youtube]
Sorry about the foggy lens in these vids. It's like a jungle down here.
[youtube]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewpgxr7S ... ontext-cha[/youtube]