Though you guys might enjoy this...

[NY.AD.MAN]

RULES FOR VERSA OWNERS:

- NEVER hit another Versa. If you have to, swerve at the sidewalk, into oncoming traffic or, if available, a Honda.

- Never parallel park badly. If you can’t get in a spot in a 3-5 point turn, you weren’t meant to be there. Only soccer moms, sorority girls and high school kids take 20 minutes to finish the drill.

- It is NEVER okay to put a kid’s seat in a Versa. If you have to, strap your kids down on top of your car; it builds character.

- You have a Versa - use it to pick up the ladies. If they don’t bite, they probably have herpes or a Ford, and you’re better off anyways.

- NEVER call a Versa “cute”. You may only use terms that you would use to describe Chuck Norris. Girls with small dogs call cars “cute”. Girls with small dogs also go to jail and live thankless, unhappy lives as trophy wives. Are you a trophy wife? No. You own a Nissan.

- NEVER put a hitch on a Versa. It’s made for many things, but not that. If you have to, strap the trailer to the kid on the roof. It also builds character.

- NEVER tell anyone how much you actually paid for your Versa. If somebody finds out, you need three things: a lawyer, a blunt object and somewhere to hide the body.

- NEVER own a Honda and a Versa at the same time. The Honda will most likely feel incapable and cheap, thus committing ritualistic suicide in your garage, leaving you with hours of cleanup and disposal. If you must own both, the Versa gets the garage, even if you have to move the Honda.

- Pets are wonderful friends. Pet hair ruins cloth. Friends understand if you give them the number to Pizza Hut and emergency numbers when you go on long trips.

- If you ever fix your Versa with Duct Tape / WD-40, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be given a Chevy, Dodge or Ford. Your family will most likely disown you and you will be sterilized in order to protect future generations.

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HOW TO TELL WHERE SOMEBODY IS FROM:

Stuff From Online...

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston

One hand on wheel, one hand in pants, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California**with gun in lap: L.A.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy

One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male

One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female

Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado

One hand on steering, yelling obscenities, the other hand a waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plates.

[07Vsdn]

"Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy"

Reminds me of my first cab ride in Rome... (and it actually turned out to not be a cab at all but it did turn out to be the most expensive 10 min ride of my life...)

[lain]

- Never parallel park badly. If you can’t get in a spot in a 3-5 point turn, you weren’t meant to be there. Only soccer moms, sorority girls and high school kids take 20 minutes to finish the drill.

Good thing I do it in 1.

- It is NEVER okay to put a kid’s seat in a Versa. If you have to, strap your kids down on top of your car; it builds character.

I like kids.

- If you ever fix your Versa with Duct Tape / WD-40, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be given a Chevy, Dodge or Ford. Your family will most likely disown you and you will be sterilized in order to protect future generations.

this rule would not work with 240sx drivers...

I wanted to quote one of the driver location thingys but none of them fit me.

I'm the guy that drives 50mph behind a semi in the slow lane with my girlfriend yelling at me to go around him and I just respond, "Why so we can get 2 mins when we get to where we are going?"

and at the same time....

I'm the guy that is passing everyone up with ease with both hands on steering wheel, my window usually down, and music all the way up.

[kc5f]

- NEVER own a Honda and a Versa at the same time. The Honda will most likely feel incapable and cheap, thus committing ritualistic suicide in your garage, leaving you with hours of cleanup and disposal. If you must own both, the Versa gets the garage, even if you have to move the Honda.

Well, I try to get around this by claiming my wife owns the Honda, even if it's in both our names... And I say she can have the garage so the whole world gets to enjoy looking at the Versa out front!

[Ever Victorious]

Not a bad first draft... perhaps some proposed changes/amendments?

- NEVER hit another Versa. If you have to, swerve at the sidewalk, into oncoming traffic or, if available, a Honda.

If you remove a Honda or any vehicle with a "fart cannon" from the road permanently, your Versa will be remembered as having an honorable death.

Quote »- Never parallel park badly. If you can’t get in a spot in a 3-5 point turn, you weren’t meant to be there. Only soccer moms, sorority girls and high school kids take 20 minutes to finish the drill. [/quote]Parking in a space so small your passenger can't get out is just showboating. And fun.

Quote »- NEVER tell anyone how much you actually paid for your Versa. If somebody finds out, you need three things: a lawyer, a blunt object and somewhere to hide the body. [/quote]Perhaps this should be changed to "don't tell anyone who doesn't already own a Versa"...

Quote »- NEVER own a Honda and a Versa at the same time. The Honda will most likely feel incapable and cheap, thus committing ritualistic suicide in your garage, leaving you with hours of cleanup and disposal. If you must own both, the Versa gets the garage, even if you have to move the Honda. [/quote]You could have just stopped after the first 4 words and it would have been accurate.

Quote »- Pets are wonderful friends. Pet hair ruins cloth. Friends understand if you give them the number to Pizza Hut and emergency numbers when you go on long trips. [/quote]That's what the pet hair roller in the glovebox is for. :P

Quote »- If you ever fix your Versa with Duct Tape / WD-40, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be given a Chevy, Dodge or Ford. Your family will most likely disown you and you will be sterilized in order to protect future generations. [/quote]You forgot the joke about making left turns all day...

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Quote »HOW TO TELL WHERE SOMEBODY IS FROM:

One hand on Latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle[/quote]You forgot a few key points... Feet in socks AND sandals, craning neck to look at accident, barely able to see over wheel of gigantic SUV.