Post by
cweberj30t »
https://forums.nicoclub.com/cweberj30t-u10420.html
Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:48 am
This reminded me of an email i got a while back with funny bumper sticker slogans. I thought I would share:
On career and success:
* Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you! * I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian! * Excess is never too much in moderation. * Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly). * Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. * To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential. * Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. * I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes. * Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well. * Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. * Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. * I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. * Where there's a will, I want to be in it. * It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. * All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
On Politics:
* Frodo failed. George Bush has the ring. * If you can read this, you're not the president. * The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake. * Vote Democrat — it's easier than working! * Vote Republican — it's easier than thinking! * In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take. * Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American! * Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
On Religion:
* If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas! * Jesus saves. He uses double coupons. * Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite. * The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it. * Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk. * I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time. * Thank God I'm an atheist. * The more you complain the longer God makes you live. * As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. * If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?
On Science:
* The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance. * If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it. * Resistance is futile (if < 1 ohm). * Does anal retentive have a hyphen? * Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. * Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law. * Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE! * Never believe generalisations. * There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
On People:
* So many stupid people, and so few asteroids. * Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose. * Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? * The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard. * You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad thing. * Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? * Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. * Is it time for your medication or mine? * I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. * First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, closed. * My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. * Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot. * Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? * Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. * Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils — people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing. * Dyslexics are teople poo. * People like you are the reason people like me need medication. * God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
On Philosophy:
* I don't think, therefore I am not. * Don't believe everything you think. * What would Gandalf do? * I doubt, therefore I might be. * I fish, therefore I lie. * Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
On Life:
* Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. * I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. * Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. * Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! * Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up. * Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. * On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path. * Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants. * Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck. * Visualize Whirled Peas * Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment. * Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam. * A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. * The trouble with life is there's no background music. * Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. * I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. * Allow me to introduce my selves. * Sarcasm is just one more service I offer. * Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done. * Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener. * I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. * I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. * If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. * First things first, but not necessarily in that order. * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. * Out of my mind - back in five minutes. * I need someone real bad. Are you real bad? * Constipation causes people not to give a crap. * Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. * Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping. * If you're happy and you know it see a shrink. * Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button. * I took an IQ test and the results were negative. * If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.
On Computers:
* An Apple a day keeps Windows away. * Double your drive space. Delete Windows. * Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. * The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. * The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux. * Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire. * The control key on the keyboard does not work. * There's no place like 127.0.0.1 * How do I set a laser printer to stun? * If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!
On Driving:
* Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal. * If you believe in telepathy, think about honking. * If you can read this, I've lost the trailer! * Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph. * Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it! * Don’t bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind. * (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off! * Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. * Honk If you want to see my finger. * If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you. * Driver carries no cash. He's married. * Watch out for the idiot behind me. * Honk if you hate peace and quiet.
On the Environment:
* So many cats, so few recipes. * Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl. * I fought the lawn, and the lawn won. * EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
On Health & Fitness:
* I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs. * Rehab is for quitters. * If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. * I'm a vegetarian - I eat anything that eats greens. * I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen. * I have the body of a god. Buddha. * Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter. * Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.