Santa Claus (as explained by Q45tech...)

[AZhitman]

A BRIEF DISSERTATION ON SANTA CLAUS

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world, however since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say, that for every Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purpose of our calculations). We are talking about 1.25 Km per household, a total of 120.8 million Km, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 1040 Km per second........3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 43.8 Km per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 25 Km per hour.

The pay load of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds, even granting that the “flying” reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them......Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 1040 Km per second creates enormous air resistance....this would heat up the lead reindeer in the same fashion as a space shuttle re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 1040 k p s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 G’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

[jefftrexler]

LMAO! I knew it....Santa Claus *MUST* be an alien!!!! Perhaps his species are really the ones responsible for the depletion of the O-Zone and feel so guilty that to make it up they have vowed to give all the worlds children presents...forever! Or...it could just be a HUGE marketting ploy by Hallmark and all the other post card companies. :help

[deesolballs]

Now I am not one of those guys who forwards s*** all over the globe but Damn!! I loved every second of that post. Fabulous!!

[Mayhem_J30]

LMAOi bet even santa gets his sled maintenance done at T-3

[DenverQ]

The best part is we can all appreciate that post and laugh cause all the time we spent on NICO and can enjoy a good Q45Tech post with all the dry humer layed on nice and thick

Bravo Hitman!

[QX4MIkey]

I bet Santa CLONES HIMSELF and uses a TRANSPORTER to do ALL these!!

[AZhitman]

LMAOi bet even santa gets his sled maintenance done at T-3

Damn skippy he does! And then Dennis scolds the fat guy about not running sufficient load rating skids on his sleigh...

Hope Dennis finds the humor in this....

Mobil 1 for ALL the reindeer, baby!

[miteymax86]

Best post ever:rotflmao

[Q45tech]

It just dawned on me what has really caused Global Warming. OPEC may use your calculations.

[szh]

This has got to be the best post at NICO that I have seen. I was laughing for many minutes after reading it!

Z:rotflmao

[Q45tech]

Nice to see some members taking a more technical approach [using MATH] to prove points.

Now you know the SUPERNATURAL occurs in other PLANES and dimensions where the LAWS of PHYSICS are different! Only in this UNIVERSE would the SANTA CALCULATIONS be valid.

SANTA doesn't have MASS!

[AZhitman]

LOL - Glad you enjoyed that, Dennis.

[VimyJ]

I think Santa is using antimatter reactions to power a warp field generator to bend the space/time relationship. It's the only way he could it. Those "elves" aren't just making toys up there. I've heard that they even have hydrogen fuel cell powered snowmobiles and Snowcats. Talk about far out!

[reggiegsd]

Nice to see some members taking a more technical approach [using MATH] to prove points.

Now you know the SUPERNATURAL occurs in other PLANES and dimensions where the LAWS of PHYSICS are different! Only in this UNIVERSE would the SANTA CALCULATIONS be valid.

SANTA doesn't have MASS!

I want to go to the Universe where my Q weighs 2300 lbs!

[Alan]

Wonderful, just wonderful. Thanks Hitman for a terrific laugh, you really captured that inimitable Q 45 Tech prose. Thanks a million to all who keep the board going, and all who contribute, especially Dennis. Happy Holidays, it's snowing here in Nor Cal ( how will our Q do in the snow?) Alan

[maxnix]

Not well enough to leave a roaring fire and some cognac.

[1qckser]

I sent this to everyone on my addresse list, it was recieved with pure laughter, Merry christamas to everyone.

[AZhitman]

Glad you guys enjoyed it - Merry Christmas, brothas and sistas.

[Q45tech]

"I want to go to the Universe where my Q weighs 2300 lbs!"

It only weights as a function of mass and gravity. Mars is a lot closer and it would only weigh 1500 pounds.[0.377]" Mars has a very thin atmosphere composed mostly of the tiny amount of remaining carbon dioxide (95.3%) plus nitrogen (2.7%), argon (1.6%) and traces of oxygen (0.15%) and water (0.03%). The average pressure on the surface of Mars is only about 7 millibars (less than 1% of Earth's), but it varies greatly with altitude from almost 9 millibars in the deepest basins to about 1 millibar at the top of Olympus Mons."

So bring your own air!

http://bowie.gsfc.nasa.gov/926/MARS/GMM2B.html