Yes you can use a s13 wiring harness on a s14 sr. You may have to unravel some of the electrical tape near the intake manifold so some of the plugs will reach.
You will have to change the s13 iacv plugs to s14 iacv plugs. I can get those for you if you need them. The plugs are the same for everything else. And like you said, you will not be able to use VTC.
And no you can not use a s13 sr wiring harness on a s14 ecu.
If I were you, I would just save up and buy a new harness. West covina nissan has them on sale now. Yea 350-400 is a lot to spend but you are getting a BRAND NEW harness which will make your engine bay look 10x better. And plus I think you will be a lot happier with vtc. It makes up for a little more bottom end torque.
http://www.thenismoshop.com/ik...d=306
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