An older gentleman sniped the XTS out from under me, so when I tentatively asked what they'd be cramming me into, I was happy to hear that they had a Suburban hiding around the back of the building. That would suffice.
My standards for trucks are a lot different from my standards for cars. So much so that, when it came time to replace my Q45 (not an easy task) I very nearly bought a truck just to avoid being disappointed by any other car.
The Suburban, though, is a truck trying to be a car without actually resorting to becoming a soul-destroying crossover. So I wasn't sure where my expectations would fall.
Cue random google image search result that's the same color as the one I drove:
First impression:
I was stunned at how much different a truck based on the Silverado can feel from the Silverado. Yes, there's a LOT that's exactly the same. But the driving experience was completely different, and I'm not sure it was in a good way. We'll get to why below.
Exterior: 7/10
I'm generally fond of GM's truck styling these days. I liked the last generation of Tahoe/Suburban/Yukon for their clean lines. The newer ones add a little more detail, but generally keep the clean, sharp look of their predecessors. The one aspect I just can not make myself not hate is the goofy notched headlights. They look contrived and silly--a forced character flaw, like a fake beauty mark, but absent any actual character. The rear of the truck is interesting; there's a rather large spoiler over the liftgate, but the bodywork and pillars are sculpted such that it doesn't look awkward.
I like the soft crease at the beltline; it adds just a little elegance without getting convoluted.
Interior: 7/10
You might remember I ranked the Silverado at 6/10. The Suburban makes all the same mistakes but improves in some other areas to gain another subjective point on my unfathomable scale of tolerance.
As with the pickup, I like the gauge cluster. It has gauges that tell me things I want to know in real units that actually mean something. It is laid out sensibly and makes effective use of space. It's generally pleasant to look at and lighted in colors that are not harsh on the eyes and, as someone who usually cranks interior illumination WAY down when driving at night, I was pleased at how dim they could get while still being clearly readable.
Where the Silverado had hard black plastic, the Suburban has fake (I think...) leather, fake woodgrain, and soft-touch plastics. This car's interior was brown-on-brown. Brown is my least favorite color. It was not an attractive color scheme. I don't think people who like brown (if they exist) would disagree.
The dash was covered in padded leathery stuff. As is apparently The Rule for GM trucks, there was a tiny bit of dash that is visibly a separate piece from the rest, with a huge, poorly-matched panel gap with big Fisher-Price rounded edges. Upon fiddling, I discovered this was to allow the LCD screen and its dash hood to raise up, exposing a SSEEEEECCREEET compartment with a single low-amperage USB port (i.e. iPhone charger). Strong candidate for "dumbest unnecessary feature ever." Ugly up your design to add more storage space to a vehicle composed of 94% storage space. Way to go GM!
There were buttons EVERYWHERE. The doorpanel was a cavalcade of button clusters. The dash was row after row of slightly-different button clusters. The ceiling was lined with button clusters. The steering wheel and dash around it were, too. All of them did things. Most of them did things I didn't need and didn't imagine I'd ever need. Some of them I never even bothered touching.
Back on the subject of storage, it abounds. There are 3 separate sets of pockets of varying hugeness in each door panel. There is a slim catchpocket along the bottom of the trans hump/center console. There's a huge, vacuous center console cubby, with a bunch more little ones. There's the super-secret hide-a-phone spot behind the screen. There's the tiniest sunglasses holder I've ever seen above your head.
This particular truck had power-adjustable pedals. I kept them at the farthest setting, but it was interesting to see how much range was allowed by the adjustment.
It also had tilt and telescope adjust on the steering wheel--one of my favorite nitpicks. There was a separate release lever for each adjustment which seems strange and unnecessary.
The seat adjusted across quite a range, lowering dramatically more than I would have expected. Unfortunately, the bottom-cushion adjust is sort of rotational, and changing height changes forward tilt, and the front and rear edges of the cushion allow for incongruous amounts of adjustment, meaning it's not actually possible to get an ideal seat angle at any given height. As in all cars, I turned the lumbar support all the way "down" because I have a spine.
The last feature of note this truck had was vibrating seat alerts. Lane-departure and backup assist both triggered a weird thumping in the thigh support of the seats. It sounds super gimmicky and it is, but what surprised me was how, when it happened unexpectedly, I somehow knew what it meant without even knowing it was a feature. I turned off lane departure immediately (stupid, horrid feature) but left the alerts for backup proximity on.
Powertrain: 8?/10
This is where things start to get different from the Silverado. To my knowledge, they both have the same 5.3 liter "Vortec" small block, both have the same transmission. They could not have driven more differently.
To start with, I'll note that power was not lacking and the transmission was unobtrusive.
However, actually interacting with the engine was a strange experience.
To start: throttle response is basically exponential. The first maybe 1/3-1/2 (really!) of the pedal travel does basically NOTHING at all. You tip your toe in and expect motion and--nothing, it's kind of jarring and offputting and highly distracting. Then, at some point along the pedal's travel, you hit this point where all the power lives. It's like a turbo rotary finding its boost. BAM. It's not good. This is a medium-sized V8. It makes torque everywhere. Why would the throttle tuning undermine that? And it's not a lightweight vehicle: you need some oomph off the bat to get things rolling.
There were multiple starts in traffic where I'd find myself accidentally riding back and forth on that line where the power lives. I'd jolt forward, let off for a little smoothness, and the power would go away completely. A little more tip back in and BAM again. Horribly unpleasant. It was so bad I actually wonder if this particular truck was just defective. I sure hope they're not all that way. It might explain some soccermom stoplight behavior if they are...
This is particularly interesting because it's the polar opposite of the Silverado's throttle response, which was almost logarithmic. The Silverado was eager to launch at light throttle and there was never any wondering where the power had escaped to.
I also felt that feedback of exactly what the powertrain was doing was basically nonexistent. I parked in a couple snowy parking lots and, while I was able to play with the tail end a bit, effectively modulating traction was almost completely impossible. Just no feedback, in a way I've really never experienced in even the numbest of blandmobiles. I'd pass it off as heft-related or something, but no other full-size SUV I've driven has been that way.
I thought it was a bit silly that, when I switched the rotary dial for the transfer case control to "2 up arrow" from "Auto" the info screen stated "4WD shift in progress" which is exactly the one thing that was NOT happening. A 2WD shift was in progress. It made me question whether the truck was really doing what I wanted. Fortunately, another screen mode showed "2WD" rather than the "AWD" that had displayed in Auto mode.
The worst thing about this powertrain, though: cylinder deactivation.
Every time it deactivated or activated cylinders, I felt it. It was like a rough shift, except this transmission is silky smooth. It was so much more pronounced than I'd ever have expected. Going either way. It wasn't ultra-aggressive about staying in "V4" mode, and my trip was rather mountainous, but on the occasions it did find cause to drop to 4 pots, it was very noticeable. The absence of power wasn't even the issue--It was fairly quick to respond. It was just the corresponding jolt and change in tone that accompanied each switch that bothered me. Supremely unrefined. Exactly what I don't want in my V8.
Handling: 7/10
It was big, numb, and totally driveable. It never felt huge (but I do feel at home in trucks). I never worried about whether I'd fit anywhere or make a turn. I never wondered where the car was going to end up, but I also didn't feel like the car was going out of its way to tell me so, either. Body roll was a little more pronounced than I expected after my time in other big-luxe SUVs, but it didn't upset handling dramatically.
The brakes were incredibly spongy and numb, too. They were perfectly adept, just not talkative.
I played with turning traction control on and off and didn't notice much difference. I can't figure out if that's good or not. I think it just means it's too hard to tell what the Hell is going on back there either way.
Overall: 7/10
It's a nice truck and does what it is expected to do fairly competently. The uncommunicativeness would probably be enough to drive me to test drive and possibly buy something else, though.
