People suck at survey-writing.

[MinisterofDOOM]

I have an account with Surveymonkey Contribute because I'm optinionated and easily bored. Perfect combo. Send me a survey and I'll tell you why you're wrong. I pass some time and feel pretty fantastic about telling you you're wrong, and you get some useful data. Some charity gets a negligibly tiny amount of money, too.

But...since I signed up for it way back when, I've consistently found that a good 80% of the surveys are shockingly useless. And the most useless of all are generally either product interest surveys or marketing demographic surveys. It's absolutely no wonder that most companies have NO IDEA what their customers want or even who those customers are.

It's really mindblowingly bad. Simple stuff like:
"Would you rather buy cheaper off-brand designer jeans or a name brand?" How about: "I don't buy that s*** at all."
It's not even skewed or loaded questions or leading answers. It's just poorly thought-out questions.

"Would you rather be seen driving an expensive luxury car or save money driving an economical car?" How about "I don't give a s*** what anyone thinks about my car because I DIDN"T @#$%ing BUY IT FOR ANYONE ELSE." Clearly the entire world is composed of either Lexus owners or Aveo owners. There is no other option. Sorry guys.

Another good one is the "force people to think like what they're not" questions.
"Imagine that you are in the market for a pink fuzzy strawberry-flavored lighted musical steering wheel cover with bluetooth iPhone integration. Would prefer a product that is...?"
I'm not. That's like asking me to imagine I'm a yorkshire terrier and asking me what kind of dog food I prefer. If you want me to just make s*** up, why ask the question in the first place?!
Protip:Try adding a "I am not interested in this product" option.

Probably 1/3 of the surveys I'm asked to fill out just get ignored as soon as I see the first few questions. It seems to me that a lot of companies are hiring language-challenged 7-year-olds for their marketing departments. I find it spectacularly hilarious that there are startups and future kickstarters and other small companies basing their futures on completely flawed data. Apparently we stopped teaching the scientific method in elementary school.

These surveys make focus groups look like a great idea. At least focus groups are intelligent answer-baiting instead of idiotic aimlessness.

[Rogue One]

[Jesda]

I used to work for a company that took surveys and did political polling. 90% of the questions presented are veiled advertisements or product endorsement statements.