So it's friday evening, the day before NOPI Phoenix begins. Noah(Beancooker) and I are sitting at Gregs house planning our evening. We decide on rolling to the hotel and prepping for the pre-Nopi dinner. Well I started hammering down beers upon touch down in Phoenix, so Noah gets stuck driving. Which sucks for him, cause he just flew in from the Liberal capital of the world, or Washington for anyone living under a rock.

At this point I have to explain a few things for clarity. The original plan was to get a rental car and split the cost. Since there's nothing quite like beating on a rental. But Greg talks us into driving his G20 instead, so we can save a few bucks. I see 2 more cases of Corona, Noah see's a free NAMLBA membership. So we opt for the G20.

Warp back to Friday and we're getting into the G20 to drive away when Greg mentions that it has some "unknown" suspension issue that causes the car to pull a "little" to the right. We laugh it off and hit the road. We leisurely drive down Willow Ave and bang a left towards the highway. Noah decides to grab a gear or two...I mean, it's basically a rental to us Noah whines out 1st and goes to grab 2nd...HOLY CRAP As soon as the suspension unloads the car jerks 3 feet to the right almost tossing us over a 2' curb and running down 2 pedestrians. These two douche nozzles have the nerve to scream at us as even though we saved their lives through pure skill.

We press on down the road trying to feel out the shifty suspension. Thinking perhaps we can get a feel for her and press on without further incident...how about no. We turn right onto the on-ramp. Well obviously we have to accelerate to highway speeds. Well with every shift, the suspension loads and unloads, with a coinciding right jerk followed by a slip to the left. Now that became the tricky part. The jerk to the right always happened on up or downshift. The jerk back to the left was the suspension slowly righting itself. But it never happened at the same time.

So we cruise up the on-ramp and the car is jerking left and right all over the road. Noah is straining to keep the car going in a forward direction and I'm laughing my a$$ off the entire time. Thinking to myself, I've survived multiple helicopter crashes and one C130 crash just to get killed in a car accident.

We manage to find our hotel, check in and make it to dinner on time. I commence with my initial plan, drink until I forget my name or take over the world. I have no clear memory to speak of other then Torry showing up at some point and me eating goldfish in bed...

The next day is a nightmare. My body decides to remind me that I'm now over 30 and drinking like that will no longer be tolerated. The ride to the track at 0630 was a battle between me and my stomach. Noah apparently got stuck driving everyone around the night prior and was in high spirits...prick. We make it to the track and I spend day 1 trying to hold down Gatorade and water...It was 105*. I start feeling better at about 1530 after Torry and I spend 2 hours sitting in the G35 with the AC on. Finally the day comes to an end...we just want some food and a nice bed. So we head off to Gregs house. Well, apparently Noah decided he's not letting Torry beat us to Gregs house. Bare in mind Noah and I are driving the G20 of death still and Torry is driving Gregs G35. At one point, we hit a long sweeping left turn. We have to pass on the right to avoid slow traffic in the ultra fast lane. It's at this point where my a$$ inhaled the majority of the passenger seat. As we come around the vehicle that is clearly driving to slow to be in Ultra fast lane(95) the suspension unloads as we hit the apex of the turn Have you ever watched a Japanese drift video shot from inside the car? Those queers aint got sh1t on how Noah drifts the remainder of the turn between a 18 wheeler and some smallish passenger car. The scariest part was the calm and quiet manner in which he did so. No over reaction, no screaming...just a maze of wheel corrections and throttle modulation. The FWD saved us.

We press on up the highway still unwilling to give up lengths to Torry and the G35. Noah is telling me that Torry the biggest vagina that has ever graced the wheel of a G35. I just stare ahead blankly as we hit sweeping S after sweeping S....waiting. But the rear end stays planted and the suspension cooperates for the majority of the highway driving. I can handle anything that happens in town at this point. Needless to say we beat Torry back to Gregs...FTMFW On the way back to our hotel Noah looks over at me and says..."did that scare you a bit back there?" to which I respond by removing a chunk of leather from my ***. He laughs and says, "yeah...I don't even know what happened. I was in shock the whole time, I have no idea why we're not dead" Followed by, "meh, Torry was close enough to call the paramedics fairly quickly at least...unless the car burst into flames..."

Fast forward to day 2...arrive at the track, setup and start drinking. At 1230ish we're running low on Corona and Noah has run out of Capt and Pepsi. Like any responsible alcoholic does, we go on a beer run. I grab 2 more cases of Corona and Noah grabs another bottle. Back at the track we commence to drinking like that's what we're being paid to do. Torry is getting obviously trashed. His speech has plummeted badly and he's doing the weave on the way to the bathroom. Even Greg has a few pulls from Noahs bottle...actually, I believe Greg looked at Noah, called him a pvssy for needing a mixer and started pulling right from the bottle. I have never been more proud of the old man

We all make our way over the drag strip to watch the Honda's run 14's...of course we've brought the cooler. At some point my wife shows up. She's there to finish the day and cart my drunk a$$ back to Tucson. She looks over at Torry and asks when his plane leaves. He has no idea..."not till later...not till like 5pm" he says. Kate then asks how he's getting to the airport since its already 4pm We head back to the tent to start finishing the beer and pack up. Torry is still there drinking...eventually Bwanna took him to the airport...later on that night when Torry got to GA, his bags were lost and he had to work in 4 hours

We're down to our last 6-7 beers when this psycho security chick comes over and tells me I can't drink beer that wasn't purchased through a vendor. To which I reply that it's the end of the last day and we're leaving soon. My wife knows me well enough to intervene before anything really ugly takes place, Greg being the good friend that he is, has everyone with a camera standing by So I agree to quit drinking... Then she walks over to my cooler and says she's taking my beer... Ok, now I'm not being a nice guy anymore. No one takes my beer...ever. Her little sidekick is getting all nervous because he knows I'm more likely to put a beating on him then his female boss. I explain calmly that no one will be taking my beer and I stand on the lid to make my point. She gets on her little radio and calls for backup. This old dude on a bike shows up... . At this point I'm speaking loudly with the one male security guard within my reach when Greg decides to save the day. He has spoken with the "head" security geek and arranged for my beer to be placed in the trunk of his car instead of taken. The Psycho chick storms off as I open another beer prior to placing the cooler in the trunk.

Not long after that I was informed by my wife that we'll be leaving shortly. I finish my beer, salute my friends and prep for the 2 hr car ride home with a bladder full of beer. And that is how NOPI Phoenix went this year.

And in case you thought the story sucked, here's some boobies...



WD

Even though you didn't link me I still found it. Nice read, great ending!

That's a pretty okay story. After all, I'm glad the mall cop didn't get her way.

NICE

WHOOO FOR BEWBS!!!!

whose boobs are those?

WDRacing wrote:Her little sidekick is getting all nervouse because he knows I'm more likely to put a beating on him then his female boss.

WD

sweet

you shoulda loaded up your cooler with empties and offered it to her. Thats a womans job anyways

Hooray boobies! Great story. Way to defend your prized possession...beer. you're a good man.
Modified by homeslicej2 at 10:06 AM 3/27/2007

homeslicej2 wrote:Hooray boobies!

and very nice ones, love the form.

HOORAY BEER!

Lol, its my understanding that you guys had a pretty good time. Too bad the MG went down fri night.

Are you going to make it to Salt lake Torry? All three of us will be there.

Loveless wrote:whose boobs are those?

Those are Brian's boobs... duh He sports a 36DD.

Great article Brian!

ILikeMy240sx wrote:

I LIIIIIIIKE!!!!!!

great story, damnit, now i wanna get drunk with you guys.

Lucky you put the booby pics up. I was going to pull out the "This thread is worthless without pics" smiley

Thanks for the "Mammaries".........

I see big hooters, hotel room and camera equipment....Uhmmmm...

If there was a horny old man smiley, I will be using it right now.....

WDRacing wrote:These two douche nozzles have the nerve to scream at us as even though we saved saved their lives through pure skill.

BWAHAHAH DOUCHE NOZZLES.... BWAHAHA!

All I read in the story was my Moderator team racing two of my cars across Phoenix...

Next time, it's Chevy Aveos from Hertz and $12 damage waivers for EVERYBODY.

^haha Brian will have to upgrade to a minivan or SUV. I dont think Aveo's can fit enough cases...

If you guys get Aveos you have to take them off-roading. I can vouch for their capabilities. Their E-brakes a pretty good too. Thats all about they have going for them.

It's a true story, all of it. Here's a pic Sun morning right before Torry's first beer of the day...

I love the big NICO decal across the G35.

Good story, great boobs.

Good story LOL.

My work filter is not showing any pics on this thread but the one with the gazoongas....I guess different server....

God is great!!!

Bwana wrote:It's a true story, all of it. Here's a pic Sun morning right before Torry's first beer of the day...

That's a motley-a$$ crew right there... Sorry we didn't get Joe in the pic...