Need a smart aleck reply for spam

[frapjap]

You guys are good at this and I'm not feeling particularly witty today.
Fire away!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Hello Ray,

Cases that involve computer forensics or electronic discovery can be delicate situations. You need to work with certified experts who can be absolutely sure that your evidence is preserved within a proper chain of custody. We are those experts.

My name is Chris Miles, CEO of Miles Technologies. We are leaders in computer forensics consulting and technology services nationwide, and we have extensive experience testifying in legal cases at all levels.

Our forensic specialists are EnCE and CCE certified, with extensive experience in:
. Electronic Discovery
. Data Recovery
. Court Testimony/Expert Witness Services . Corporate Investigations . Preventative Services/Information Security

We know that you can't afford to leave your clients' cases to chance. That is why we never take any chances with our investigations. We maintain a dedicated, secure Computer Forensics lab where all forensics work is performed.

You can rest assured that you will receive professional, reliable service from the experienced forensic professionals at Miles Technologies.

If you would like a Free Consultation for computer forensics, electronic discovery or general technology consulting please contact me directly by phone at 800-496-8001, or email at [email protected].

Best Regards,

Chris Miles, CEO
Miles Technologies
Corporate Office
300 West Route 38
Moorestown, NJ 08057
800-496-8001
www.milestechnologies.com

New Jersey - Philadelphia - Baltimore - Washington DC - Virginia


If you would like me not to email you this advertisement again, please reply as such to me at [email protected].

[93coupe]

Hello Chris,

Your face is terrible.

Regards,

Ray

[Alfador]

What ever happened to the good old fashioned retaliation of finding the most horrifying, offensive, gut-wrenching, NSFW pic you can and embedding it in a reply?

[MellowZ32]

What ever happened to the good old fashioned retaliation of finding the most horrifying, offensive, gut-wrenching, NSFW pic you can and embedding it in a reply?

may I suggest goatse.fr <--NSFW

[Otto.]

[AppleBonker]

Hello Chris,

Your face is terrible.

Regards,

Ray

[Chaotic_Warlord]

You guys are good at this and I'm not feeling particularly witty today.
Fire away!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Hello Ray,

Cases that involve computer forensics or electronic discovery can be delicate situations. You need to work with certified experts who can be absolutely sure that your evidence is preserved within a proper chain of custody. We are those experts.

My name is Chris Miles, CEO of Miles Technologies. We are leaders in computer forensics consulting and technology services nationwide, and we have extensive experience testifying in legal cases at all levels.

Our forensic specialists are EnCE and CCE certified, with extensive experience in:
. Electronic Discovery
. Data Recovery
. Court Testimony/Expert Witness Services . Corporate Investigations . Preventative Services/Information Security

We know that you can't afford to leave your clients' cases to chance. That is why we never take any chances with our investigations. We maintain a dedicated, secure Computer Forensics lab where all forensics work is performed.

You can rest assured that you will receive professional, reliable service from the experienced forensic professionals at Miles Technologies.

If you would like a Free Consultation for computer forensics, electronic discovery or general technology consulting please contact me directly by phone at 800-496-8001, or email at [email protected].

Best Regards,

Chris Miles, CEO
Miles Technologies
Corporate Office
300 West Route 38
Moorestown, NJ 08057
800-496-8001
http://www.milestechnologies.com

New Jersey - Philadelphia - Baltimore - Washington DC - Virginia


If you would like me not to email you this advertisement again, please reply as such to me at [email protected].

Hey, I know EXACTLY where that is, it's about 10 minutes from my house, and I used to drive past there when i had to go work at Lockheed Martin.

[Encryptshun]

You guys are good at this and I'm not feeling particularly witty today.
Fire away!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Hello Ray,

Cases that involve computer forensics or electronic discovery can be delicate situations. You need to work with certified experts who can be absolutely sure that your evidence is preserved within a proper chain of custody. We are those experts.

My name is Chris Miles, CEO of Miles Technologies. We are leaders in computer forensics consulting and technology services nationwide, and we have extensive experience testifying in legal cases at all levels.

Our forensic specialists are EnCE and CCE certified, with extensive experience in:
. Electronic Discovery
. Data Recovery
. Court Testimony/Expert Witness Services . Corporate Investigations . Preventative Services/Information Security

We know that you can't afford to leave your clients' cases to chance. That is why we never take any chances with our investigations. We maintain a dedicated, secure Computer Forensics lab where all forensics work is performed.

You can rest assured that you will receive professional, reliable service from the experienced forensic professionals at Miles Technologies.

If you would like a Free Consultation for computer forensics, electronic discovery or general technology consulting please contact me directly by phone at 800-496-8001, or email at [email protected].

Best Regards,

Chris Miles, CEO
Miles Technologies
Corporate Office
300 West Route 38
Moorestown, NJ 08057
800-496-8001
http://www.milestechnologies.com

New Jersey - Philadelphia - Baltimore - Washington DC - Virginia


If you would like me not to email you this advertisement again, please reply as such to me at [email protected].

Dear Chris,

Thank you sincerely for your letter. It couldn’t have come at a better time. My name is Frap "the fap" Jap, and I have a serious problem I'm hoping you can help me out with. You see I, like so many adult males between the ages of 25 and 39, love (and I do mean LOVE) tha chicklets. But those goddamn wet-blanket feds have unfairly targeted me (it’s profiling, I tell ya, PROFILING) and they are coming a week from Tuesday to take my computer and all my pr0nz.

Your claims regarding your firm’s practices have impressed me, and I would like to put you on retainer for the defense of my case. My attorney will be contacting you by the end of the week to hash out the details. In the meantime, would you PLEASE tell me how to back up my archive of videos of Ukrainian doll-shows and scat-wrestling.

Thank you sincerely for your unsolicited advice, and I’m also attaching the number of my phone psychic who told me that “a stranger will step in and change my life”. I bet she has great advice for you as well.

Or, you can ignore this request completely and never ever send me another goddamn piece of spam mail, you knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, crab-crawling, sperm-belching f***-stick.

With love,

Ray

[Mr1der]

it comes in a can?

[MinisterofDOOM]

Dear Chris,

Henceforth, you shall be referred to as Techno Miles. I suggest you take up a second job as a late-night DJ at one of those smokey dance clubs with lots of seizure-inducing lights and walls of subwoofers larger than my car. It would certainly be a more noble venture than soliciting computer forensics services via email. When I need to get rid of potentially incriminating world domination planning documents in a hurry, I generally don't feel comfortable going with the email spam approach. Anyway, fire and neodymium tend to solve most of my hard-drive erasure problems so I don't have to pay weird people who contact me by email.

I look forward to attending your first concert. I'd like a backstage pass for myself and my girl. Thanks much.

Oh, also, please don't mix anything done by Abba. I hate those guys.

[frapjap]

Awesome, thank you guys a bunch!
I'm going to have to go with Chad's reply on this one, though techno dancing was super orignal.