Moral question *LONG*

[PinsNNeedles]

-I need a serious opinion here.

so 2 cars ago i had a 1990 crx. of which, the motor had blown the day that i paid it off. purchased a new motor for it (sohc zc for u honda guys), obtained the use of a friend's garage*which had no front on it*, borrowed an engine hoist from a friend, bought the other misc. parts that i needed, and went to work. so roughly a month later, got the car running (after many nights in the middle of december/january exposed to the elements)and drove it home. during the course of all of this, my friend whose garage i was using had moved out, but left the power on so i could finish what i was doing. anyway, here is the situation that i find myself in- about a week after i finished getting my car back together, the borrowed engine hoist had been stolen. made a report to the police (who basically interrogated me as if I was doing something illegal), and told the person that owned the house/garage, and most importantly told the friend who had let me borrow the hoist. I of course offered to replace the hoist, as it ultimately my responsibility. since then, i have tried to get in touch with him QUITE a few times to rectify the situation, by going to buy one of equal quality *a hoist that is*, but either something would come up for him, or when he wanted to go, bills & whatnot dictated that i could not afford it at the time. over time,i simply stopped hearing from him, and as EVERY time that i had tried to make the effort to get everything corrected, he was not available.

so my question is this: should i continue to take time from my responsibilities & things that i have to deal with, or just basically accept the loss of a friend over something so trivial?

[Mr1der]

that's no reason to lose a friend whatsoever.

[PinsNNeedles]

my opinion also, but it comes across that he has no intention of getting in touch w/ me or hanging out or whatever untill that is taken care of. *man, i am too old to deal w/ this sort of $h!t*

[SmithSR]

The first time I lost a tool that belonged to my father, he said to me: "just don't make a habit of it" and he left it at that. I Never lost any of his tools again.

If your friend is bailing on you over a stolen engine hoist, he's not much of a friend. There's an old rule about loaning things to others: "loan only the things you never hope to see again"

He should learn that saying, and you should be careful to borrow tools with appreciation, return them promptly in equal or better condition that you received them, and replace them if lost or stolen.

[Efini Dreams]

Here is my take on it...If he is avoiding the friendship because of a stolen hoist, which was not your fault (although responsibility) then this is a friend you never had. He is ignoring your efforts to try and make the situation right and therefore in my opinion is not worth wasting your time with if he doesnt notice that you are still trying to work things out. Youve done your part. If you were good friends before and still would like to be, then confront him and basically tell him what you told us about trying to pay it off. maybe then he will see what the deal is.

[PinsNNeedles]

well, certainly some peace of mind, and i definitely appreciate the input. nevertheless, i cannot help but feel like i am the one dropping the ball in that he still does not have the engine hoist. granted, i try to live by the ideal of not loaning out anything that you cannot bear to lose as well, but it just comes across as if i let down a friend, and that perhaps it is nothing more than a matter of principles, and that it just happened at all.

[RMiller]

It may seem to him that if you really wanted to replace his hoist, you could have. All you had to do was send him a check. From his point of view, you borrowed a tool, lost it, and wanted to replace it on your own time, your own way. Maybe he's avoiding you because he feels like you let him down.

On a different note, it's possible that he feels awkward about the whole situation and isn't comfortable with you paying for a stolen tool; he isn't sure whose fault it is and he doesn't want to feel guilty for taking your money so chooses to avoid you.

See if either of those situations applies to you and your friend.

[krazy skwerel]

I would simply find him and give him a check for the amount of another hoist. That way he gets a new hoist and he can go pick it out. He might even get a better one.

[Qdemption]

I look at as you have two options. Number one (my choice) Screw 'em. If he really was sincere about getting it back he would have had it in his garage by now. Number two, just talk to him about it. You will never know unless you speak with him.

[Jesda]

Tell him to piss off if hes avoiding you. If he wants the money you'll see him in small claims.

[StrangeLove]

I agree, if he is being a **** about a lost tool, and he is willing to thorw away the friendship, then i say screw him. Hes not worth having around

[[Zero-S]]

I could seriously understand him being upset at you, but ditching you over an engine hoist is retarded. You've made the effort, if he wants to be a **** about it, I say cut your losses and move on.

[PinsNNeedles]

ah geez......this is driving me nutz, but after much deliberation, and probably against my better judgement, i have decided that i am just going to forget about it. i have tried to talk to him about it, as i *happened* to run into him@ a mutual friend's workshop, but then never heard from hiim when he was supposed to give me a call the next day to know when he wanted to do this. as i said earlier, i have a life to live & shiot to get done (like making my current car non-stock). As i do not forsee that i would likely cross that bridge again, i might as well let it burn.

[[Zero-S]]

Good deal. Just take my word for it, if he's a true friend, and actually wants you as a friend, HE will come to YOU.

[StrangeLove]

Well said, [ZERO-S], thats good advice

[[Zero-S]]

I try to be as sage as possible when it comes to things like that.

[nailed]

buy the hoist. drop it off in front of his house. youll clear your conscience up that way and he can choose to do what he wants. if he still wants to be a ****, then you have at least left him on good terms and tied up the loose end. if he wants to talk to you, then thats even better!

[ron_langton]

It all depends on if you truly feel responsible for it. You're the one that has to deal with your conscience. I say buy his hoist so at least you can sleep at night, and if that fixes things let it be but if not,it's no big loss cause he obviously he wasn't that good of a friend. My friends have lost my tools and it's no big deal it's all replaceable, It's all good between friends.

[Thunder]

this is what i would have done if i was in your shoes. i would've gone out on my own and bought the engine jack/hoist and deliver it to him. i clear my end of the deal.

[JESTER]

Best thing you could have done is just went out and got a hoist exactly like he had and say hear you go. If he was too busy to go with you when you had the cash, shoulda got it your self and took it to him.

It sounds to me like he is just being a ****. Of course we are only hearing one side of the story. Not saying your lying, but there is a different perception for everybody involved in most cases. Go buy the hoist, as it is your responsibility if home owners insurance didn't pay off, and give it to him. That is just being a good friend. But I dont belive I would associate with him anymore. Some people have no patients. We can only do what we can when we can.

[Bubba1]

it seems clear to me that there is more to your friend's issue with you than a just stolen hoist. It doesn't add up for him to be angry with you solely about losing something that you were willing to replace or reimburse him for. I can't imagine anyone being emotionally attached to an engine hoist. A beloved pet, perhaps, but not a hoist.

Do you have some common friends or know someone else in his family who can inquire about what's really going on?

[PinsNNeedles]

Jester, you are right, you are only hearing one side of the story, and that is the reason for the confusion on my part....i mean, the dude was pretty much a down to earth, straightforward guy. I don't even really know what his actual point of view on the whole thing is....

and Bubba, there are some mutual friends, and thatis where i get most of the word of what's going on. I doknow that he & his wifehave recently had a baby. I am sure that is taking up ALOT of his time, but at the same time, general consensus from everyone that he used to hang out with is that he has pretty much severed ties w/ everyone.

So basically, even though i had previously said that i was just not going to F*** with it/ him any more, it seems probably the best bet is to get a hoist & take it over there. At least that way even if i do not ever hear from someone that has been one of my friends since Jr. high school, i will have taken care of the obligation that was forced on me when a borrowed tool was stolen.

[JESTER]

A baby will cut ties in a heart beat.

A motto I try to remember is, "You never truly know anyone." Even if they are a close friend, they can flip on you in an instant.

Not to mention, he may be the kind to hold a grudge and get you back down the road.