Monday smile monday

[zozoka1212]

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[marlin29311]

I don't know if I get this one zozo...seems kinda gruesome to me....

[zozoka1212]

LOL

OK OK

Here s another one.

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," she said. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

zozo

[BrandAidDesignG35]

Zozo

Good stuff... a little more twisted than the usual.

But funny

[Kendahl]

An FBI agent had a friend who wanted to join the FBI. After a few questions, the agent learned that his friend was a college graduate, a decorated army veteran and didn't have a criminal record. The friend was concerned that a previous injury might affect his eligibility; he'd had his balls shot off in combat. The agent assured him that wouldn't cause a problem because it wasn't a disability. He told his friend that he was hired and should report Monday morning at 9 am. The friend was surprised at the late starting time and asked when the other agents came in. He was told that the others reported at 8 am. However, all they did for the first hour was sit around scratching their balls and he didn't need to do that.

[tollboothwilley]

LOL

and another week begins!!

[Kendahl]

I'm sure my significant other is cheating on me. Over the past weeks she has been gone most evenings, supposedly with girl friends. The few times we are together, she is cold and distant. Last night, when the phone rang, she snatched it out of my hands as I began to pick it up. After a brief conversation, consisting of monosyllables, she went out again. This time, I got in my G and followed her. She went to a local motel where she met a strange guy. They went into one of the rooms where they stayed for an hour. When they came out, I was across the street watching from behind my G. Instead of driving off, they started across the street. I quickly dropped to the pavement to hide.

I desperately need advice on what to do. While I was lying beside the car, I noticed that the radiator was leaking. Should I try to fix it myself, since the car is out of warranty, or should I take it to the dealer?

[Ar878]

Good 'ol monday joke thread!At least I started off the week good even though I have to take several finals later

[telcoman]

2008's First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates . 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.' And So The Christmas Season Begins

Telcoman

[Ar878]

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

LOL

[zozoka1212]

Awesome guys keep them comming.

LOL LOL

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy and that she will have go sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde and I have learned to speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

zozo
Modified by zozoka1212 at 5:08 PM 12/8/2008