Monday again

[zozoka1212]

Here is one for this week.

A man and a few friends are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.His friend says: Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.The man then replies: Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.

[G_whizz]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

WIN!!

[marlin29311]

lol

[Tampa G35 Sedan 6MT]

that sounds like something my dad would do! He loves his golf

[zozoka1212]

that sounds like something my dad would do! He loves his golf

LOL

[BrandAidDesignG35]

What do you drive?

Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports carsAcura Legend - I'm too bland for German carsAcura NSX - I am impotentAudi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine firesBuick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 statesCadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesmanCadillac Seville - I am a pimpChevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up peopleChevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a VetteChevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisisChevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the governmentChrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leatherDatsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel wellDodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for EisenhowerDodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this carFord Escort - I'm a red-headed nannyFord Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zonesFord Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph & change lanes when I pull up behind themGeo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the FallGeo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the FallHonda Del Sol - I've always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at allHonda Civic - I have just graduated and have no creditHonda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemmingInfiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pendingIsuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reportsJaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay $60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per yearKia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu CorpLincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppersMercury Grand Marquis - (See above)Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autographMercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named ColeMazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheelerMGB - I am dating a mechanicMitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means eitherNissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedingsOldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted ListPlymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the MacarenaPontiac Trans Am - I have a switchblade in my sockPorsche 944 - I am dating big-haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to meRolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannan is a tad too liberalSubaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even moreToyota Camry - I am still in the closetVolkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family re-runsVolkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closetVolkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right nowVolvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife

[zozoka1212]

Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit

I like that.

zozo

[kmckis1029]

damn thats cold!

[SVTCOBRA]

You making fun of us golfers?!?!

[zozoka1212]

LOL Rich I understand. She could of wait one more week and die. Right? LOL After 35 years and she still doesn't know when to leave.LOL

What was she thinking.

zozo

[SVTCOBRA]

LOL! Inconsiderate B****!!

[zozoka1212]

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[BrandAidDesignG35]

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am .

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

[zozoka1212]

LMAO Just pictured her making it.

zozo