Alright, I have an update. After a few text swaps, phone calls, walking around Harbor Freight looking for ^^ those things ^^ mentioned here, I got frustrated and gave up. That is, until this morning when the drain pan filled up again RIGHT before I had to get up for the day.
I ended up putting my freshly woken up brain to work immediately and found a solution in the two things we can trust most as an answer: MIATA, and alcohol (aka crap I just had lying around the house).
I grabbed an old control arm bushing from my old Miata to hold down the switch to trick the a/c into continually running. Its dense enough and fit just right into the small space afforded to the switch. (top left)
Next to deal with was that vertical, oval shaped drain. A hose clamp didn't make sense, so I rigged a funnel and clear tubing (that I had left over for cleaning the drains on the Miata). The tubing fit perfectly on the inside on the funnel. I RTV'd it around the outside for good measure.
I then had to find a way to hold the funnel in place. I propped it up in a 6 pack carrier, ran the tube underneath, and got it all snugged up so gravity would allow the draining to take place and keep the funnel from filling up. (It looks like s*** in this photo, but I tidy'd it up a bit to be closer to the drain hole).
I ran the clear line through the floor to the sump pump, pulled a vacuum with my mouth, and now its flowing and draining happily.
I've since repositioned the beginning of the PVD pipe for a downward flow.
Its flowing nicely and I'll be checking on it periodically to be sure this works before leaving for the day.
Thanks for all of the ideas, guys. They all helped in one way or another!