Now, I was there two months. Did I start as soon as I got home? Hell no. I was sitting out there sometime in early January and it was getting cold and I got up to go in. I decided it was time to do what my mom had always said she wanted to do, glass this sumbitch in. Apparently she had talked to a few contractors and their estimates were ridiculous. Luckily my labor costs are stunningly low. Just buy the materials and keep the beers coming.
The slab was in good condition so I had a solid foundation. The existing woodwork was also so I all I had to do was build on this skeleton.
The remnants of the lattice I put up when I was in high school were still there. I never liked it. It made the place darker than it already was.
Yeah, I may have "removed" it through unconventional means, perhaps I removed the cross piece and did my best linebacker hit through one. Whatever, lattice and trim removed.
That done, I did some measurements. Jumped up Jesus on a pogo stick! These mass-produced 70's suburban houses are crooked as f***! From the house to end of the sidewalls of the porch where they met the front of it had over an inch of deviation. I knew I would be putting up vinyl siding, something I used to do back in the day and I had seen this on almost every site so I wasn't surprised or concerned.
The inconsistencies were also evident in the spacing and dimensions of the bays. I had to locate true centers and frame in the window openings with whatever size lumber would work to achieve proper location. After it was done, it would be unnoticeable, though.
Now, if there is one thing that is as hit and miss as suburban architecture, it's the math skills of yours truly. Carpenters like to say "measure twice, cut once." f*** that, I measure three times grab the saw and then get nervous and measure again. Even doing that, at any point where I have a control point to check before proceeding, I check everything again. Let's stick a window in all the openings and check fit, level and plumb before moving on.
Not to toot my own horn, but TOOT MUTHA f*** ER! I never opened the package of shims I bought. The window sat on every sill perfectly level. That's pretty good by itself, but when you remember that all that framing is nailed to stuff that isn't level, plumb, straight, whatever other measurement a craftsman would use to confirm they knew what the f*** they were doing, it's downright stunning. I cracked open a fresh beer!
Now that I knew MY framing was right, I could sheath it.
Now I went with some double pane windows with like argon or xenon, or nitrous oxide, whatever the hell kind of gas in between to insulate them. These are better than most of the windows on her house.
I picked up a matching insulated door too. Now, this scared me. Hanging doors always beat my a**. I could and can do it, but it probably took as much time to get that thing true and swinging properly as it did to do half the windows and there were some curses uttered. "Hyundai Sonata!"
With that done it was time to do the siding. Time was getting short and I wasn't sure I could get it done. Snow was falling as I did the work, pulling it tight on the big end, a bit slack on the little end. Using all the length and height available with each row getting closer to being the same distance from the bottom of the eave siding I made the variance disappear.
When daylight was gone I would do the interior insulation and I save the side nearest the kitchen for last in case I needed to use the light from the kitchen shining through it to work. That was a good move because I snapped the last piece of siding into the trim channel at 7PM the night before I stepped on a plane to fly back to Japan. BOOYAH!
My mom says the porch is "the talk of the neighborhood." That might be a problem because I have a d!ck neighbor who lives across the street and hates me. I don't know why. I'm the only guy who wasn't f*** his slut daughter back in the day, he should love me. Maybe he's offended that I didn't partake?
Anyway, I don't want this prick hearing about this because I didn't get a building permit.
