Jalopnik Rant: How Ferrari Spins

[IBCoupe]

I found this (original article) to be an entertaining piece:

I told the blokes here at Jalopnik I was pissed at Ferrari and wanted to tell a few people. They said I could do it here. Stay with me, this might take a while.

I think it started in 2007 when I heard that Ferrari wanted to know which test track we were going to use for Autocar's 599 GTB road test, but in reality the rot had set in many years earlier. Why would it want to know that? "Because," said the man from the Autocar office, "The factory now has to send a test team to the circuit we chose so that they can optimize the car to get the best performance from it." They duly went to the track, tested for a day, crashed the car, went back to the factory to mend the car, returned, tested and then invited us to drive this "standard" 599. They must have been having a laugh.

Sad to say it, but the ecstasy of driving a new Ferrari is now almost always eradicated by the pain of dealing with the organization. Why am I bothering to tell you this? Because I'm pissed with the whole thing now. It's gotten out of control; to the point that it will soon be pointless believing anything you read about its cars through the usual channels, because the only way you get access is playing by its rules.

Like anyone with half a brain, I've been willing to cut Ferrari some slack because it is, well, Ferrari –- the most famous fast car brand of all and the maker of cars that everyone wants to know about. Bang out a video of yourself drifting a new Jag XKR on YouTube and 17 people watch it; do the same in a 430 Scuderia and the audience is 500,000 strong. As a journalist, those numbers make you willing to accommodate truck-loads of s***, but I've had enough now. I couldn't care if I never drive a new Ferrari again, if it means I never have to deal with the insane communication machine and continue lying about the lengths to which Ferrari will bend any rule to get what it wants. Which is just as well, because I don't think I'm going to be invited back to Maranello any time soon. Shame, the food's bloody marvelous.

How bad has it been? I honestly don't know where to start. Perhaps the 360 Modena press car that was two seconds faster to 100mph than the customer car we also tested. You allow some leeway for "factory fresh" machines, but this thing was ludicrously quick and sounded more like Schumacher's weekend wheels than a street car. Ferrari will never admit that its press cars are tuned, but has the gall to turn up at any of the big European magazines' end-of-year-shindig-tests with two cars. One for straight line work, the other for handling exercises. Because that's what happens when you buy a 458: they deliver two for just those eventualities. The whole thing stinks. In any other industry it wouldn't be allowed to happen. It's dishonest, but all the mags take it between the cheeks because they're too scared of not being invited to drive the next new Ferrari.

Remember the awesome 430 Scuderia? What a car that was, and still is. One English magazine went along with all the cheating-s*** because the cars did seem to be representative of what a customer might get to drive, but then during the dyno session, the "standard" tires stuck themselves to the rollers.

And this is the nub: how f*** paranoid do you have to be to put even stickier rubber on a Scuderia? It's like John Holmes having an extra two inches grafted onto his d!ck. I mean it's not as if, according to your own communication, you're not a clear market leader and maker of the best sports cars in the world now, is it?

What Ferrari plainly cannot see is that its strategy to win every test at any cost is completely counter-productive. First, it completely undermines the amazing work of its own engineers. What does it say about a 458 if the only way its maker is willing to loan it to a magazine is if a laptop can be plugged in after every journey and a dedicated team needs to spend several days at the chosen test track to set-up the car? It says they're completely nuts –- behavior that looks even worse when rival brands just hand over their car with nothing more than a polite suggestion that you should avoid crashing it too heavily, and then return a week later.

Point two: the internet is good for three things: free p0rn, Jalopnik and spreading information. Fifteen years ago, if your 355 wasn't as fast as the maker claimed you could give the supplying dealer a headache, whine at the local owners club and not much besides. Nowadays you spray your message around the globe and every bugger knows about it in minutes. So, when we used an owner's 430 Scud because Ferrari wouldn't lend us the test car, it was obliterated in a straight line by a GT2 and a Lambo LP 560-4, despite all the "official" road test figures suggesting it was faster than Halley's Comet. The forums went nuts and some Scud owners rightly felt they hadn't been delivered the car they'd read about in all the buff books. Talk about karma slapping you in the face.

It's the level of control that's so profoundly irritating and I think damaging to the brand. Once you know that it takes a full support crew and two 458s to supply those amazing stats, it then takes the shine off the car. The simple message from Ferrari is that unless you play exactly by the laws they lay down, you're off the list.

What are those laws? Apart from the laughable track test stuff, as a journalist you are expressly forbidden from driving any current Ferrari road car without permission from the factory. So if I want to drive my mate's 458 tomorrow, I have to ask the factory. Will it allow me to drive the car? No: because it is of "unknown provenance," i.e. not tuned. I'm almost tempted to buy a 458, just for the joy of phoning Maranello every morning and asking if its OK if I take my kid to school.

Where I've personally run into trouble is by using owners' cars for comparison tests. Ferrari absolutely hates this; even if you say unremittingly nice things about its cars, it goes ape s***. But you want to see a 458 against a GT3 RS so I'm going to deliver that story and that video. Likewise the 599 GTO and the GT2 RS. Ferrari honestly believes it can control every aspect of the media — it has actively intervened several times when I've asked to borrow owners' cars.

The control freakery is getting worse: for the FF launch in March journalists have to say which outlets they are writing it for and those have to be approved by Maranello. Honestly, we're perilously close to having the words and verdicts vetted by the Ferrari press office before they're released, which of course has always been the way in some markets.

Should I give a s*** about this stuff? Probably not. It's not like it's a life-and-death situation; supercars are pretty unserious tackle. But the best thing about car nuts is that they let you drive their cars, and Ferrari has absolutely no chance stopping people like me driving what they want to drive. Of course their attempts to stop me makes it an even better sport and merely hardens my resolve, but the sad thing is its cars are so good it doesn't need all this s***. I'll repeat that for the benefit of any vestige of a chance I might have of ever driving a Ferrari press car ever again (which is virtually none). "Its cars are so good it doesn't need this s***."

None of this will make any difference to Ferrari. I'm just an irrelevant Limey who doesn't really matter. But I've had enough of concealing what goes on, to the point that I no longer want to be a Ferrari owner, a de-facto member of its s***-control-edifice. I sold my 575 before Christmas. As pathetic protests go, you have to agree it's high quality.

Jesus, this is now sounding like a properly depressing rant. I'll leave it there. Just remember all this stuff then next time you read a magazine group test with a prancing stallion in it.

[sbird1]

Holy wall of text. I can has cliffnotes?

[Urabus GodofTraction]

Jalopnik/Gawker Media has fired most of their good writers, designed the worst website in history, and turn to sensationalist headlines to generate the only thing they care about: unique page views.

I haven't been a Jalopnik in awhile. If I can find Murilee Martin's posting about how terrible that place is, I'll link it.

[IBCoupe]

When going to an auto show, they send two cars - one for people to sit in, and one for press to drive. The two aren't the same car. They gave a press car super-sticky tires. They try to prevent the press from borrowing the cars of actual Ferrari owners.

[Jesda]

I'm not surprised, and I'd be pissed at Ferrari as well. Traffic is down a third across all Gawker sites since the new layout.

[themadscientist]

I don't like raris anyway. I would like to thank Ferarri for being suck legendary cockmongers. Lamborghini might never have built cars otherwise and that would make the world less cool.

[sbird1]

Enzo Ferrari is my hero. He actually HATED the people that bought the first cars. As I'm sure most of you know, he only made production cars to fund his racing projects. That is a man after my own heart... hating your clientele. Although, I think Ferrari may have gotten a bit off-track after his passing... no pun intended.

[Urabus GodofTraction]

I don't like raris anyway. I would like to thank Ferarri for being suck legendary cockmongers. Lamborghini might never have built cars otherwise and that would make the world less cool.

Also the GT40.

[IBCoupe]

Also the GT40.

Does want.

[flohtingPoint]

-Most F1 constructors championships
-Most F1 drivers championships
-Most F1 wins of all time
-Most F1 podiums of all time
-Most F1 pole positions of all time
-Most F1 fastest laps of all time
-Everything else can suck it.

The only car that really matters to Ferrari is the vehicle they put in the hands of Fernando Alonso this season.

Fun fact: Everybody lies, it's part of life. In the military we were told to cook manpower numbers and spend money on crap we didn't need/want so our budgets didn't get slashed. In the civilian world I've given demonstrations of network monitoring systems that would NOT monitor networks, they just performed a set amount of actions for a pre-sales demonstration so that the product couldn't break if we tried and it didn't have all the quirks of the production system that actually goes out into the field.

Car companies are out to make money, not be honorable. If they were out to be totally honest, we'd get actual dyno numbers rather than crank horsepower on all cars in ads.

[sbird1]

Well said, sir.

[MinisterofDOOM]

Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Got distracted by the MOUNTAINS OF F**KING AWESOME wearing black and red right there.

Lamborghini can suck it. I haven't liked a bull-badged car since the Diablo. The only Lambo I'd buy has four rings on its nose. The difference between Ferrari and Lamborghini is that you can drive the Ferrari to and from the track without fear of it falling apart AND still kick everyone's a** while actually at the track.

[themadscientist]

Fun fact: Everybody lies, it's part of life.

Fun, no, false. I don't lie. Your premise fails.

That you think this is negotiable speaks volumes to your character and it's demotivating to hear. Yes, a lot of people lie, but volume does not impart acceptability.

Think about your flippant take on dishonesty the next time you get on a plane. Did the pilot have a few before the flight? Did the maintenance guy really do all the checks he was supposed to? Did the minimum wage idiot on the X-ray machine really pay attention to all the bags?

It shouldn't matter because everyone lies, right?

So much of our lives are affected, in fact, rest solely upon the word of others. The erosion of honor, responsibilty and honesty deserves much more emphasis than you award it.

[flohtingPoint]

Fun fact: Everybody lies, it's part of life.

Fun, no, false. I don't lie. Your premise fails.

That you think this is negotiable speaks volumes to your character and it's demotivating to hear. Yes, a lot of people lie, but volume does not impart acceptability.

Think about your flippant take on dishonesty the next time you get on a plane. Did the pilot have a few before the flight? Did the maintenance guy really do all the checks he was supposed to? Did the minimum wage idiot on the X-ray machine really pay attention to all the bags?

It shouldn't matter because everyone lies, right?

So much of our lives are affected, in fact, rest solely upon the word of others. The erosion of honor, responsibilty and honesty deserves much more emphasis than you award it.

Everybody lies does not mean "everybody always lies about everything," but when there is something to gain and the truth will not get you there, more often than not the person will lie. Our country was founded on lies. Recall the Declaration of Independence? ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, cept for them thar slaves and the Native American's that we'll give smallpox blankets to in the name of Manifest Destiny.

-"Do you know how fast you were going?"

-Hmm should I say 86 which I saw on the speedometer or should I say that I was going with the flow of traffic after a long day at work

-"Do you like my new top?"

-Well, I could say that it's probably one of the most hideous things I've seen today (which it is), or I can say that it's awesome, keep the peace, go home, fornicate and then throw away the top tomorrow morning so the next time she goes looking for it, she'll think she lost it.

You may not tell big lies in every sentence using every breath, but you definitely lie from time to time, just like everyone else.

You dont think pilots fly with alcohol in their system? I know USAF pilots that have flown C130's/C17's after being at the bar with me. I know the crew chiefs that turned the wrenches on those planes have done so with a bit of liquor in their system from time to time. If Mayfield can drive in NASCAR on meth, I dont put anything past anybody.

[IBCoupe]

If Gary Busey can ride a motorcycle without a helmet...

Ohhh, wait.

[flohtingPoint]

If Gary Busey can ride a motorcycle without a helmet...

Ohhh, wait.

I wish one of these days I could live a 24 hour period as that man. I'm sure it'd be the best day of my life and the worst all at the same time.

[IBCoupe]

Kinda sucks that you know he's completely there, understands everything that's going on, but he can't help himself.

'Course, you gotta wonder how much of that stuff a person would do anyways.

[themadscientist]

Everybody lies does not mean "everybody always lies about everything," but when there is something to gain and the truth will not get you there, more often than not the person will lie. Our country was founded on lies. Recall the Declaration of Independence? ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, cept for them thar slaves and the Native American's that we'll give smallpox blankets to in the name of Manifest Destiny.

All men are created equal. I beleive that and I conduct my life that way. You do not?

It's ironic that in attempt to support your position you undercut your own purported outrage at the atrocities visited up those groups by championing the same thinking that fostered it, deceit and self-serving values.

-"Do you know how fast you were going?"

-Hmm should I say 86 which I saw on the speedometer or should I say that I was going with the flow of traffic after a long day at work

I always say the truth. "probably too fast officer." Honesty has actually spared me tickets. Perhaps you would rather attempt to lie to the guy with the radar gun, I see that as a fool's exercise.

-"Do you like my new top?"

-Well, I could say that it's probably one of the most hideous things I've seen today (which it is), or I can say that it's awesome, keep the peace, go home, fornicate and then throw away the top tomorrow morning so the next time she goes looking for it, she'll think she lost it. .

There is honesty, then there is malice. You can say "no, something like (insert item) looks so much better on you." Hyperbole does not help you; nobody says things like that.

You may not tell big lies in every sentence using every breath, but you definitely lie from time to time, just like everyone else..

When one starts to delineate falsehood it begs the question, where does it stop? honesty isn't easy, and it is for that reason that many people, including you apparently can't be bothered to work at it. Lieing is lazy and selfish. It is not a victimless crime and when you engage in it you show others that you should not be trusted. Society cannot continue to advance in an atmosphere of shifting baselines of convenient honor. If you wonder why we are an increasingly violent rapacious self-destructive society, think about the erosion of the values I am telling you are not negotiable.

You dont think pilots fly with alcohol in their system? I know USAF pilots that have flown C130's/C17's after being at the bar with me. I know the crew chiefs that turned the wrenches on those planes have done so with a bit of liquor in their system from time to time. If Mayfield can drive in NASCAR on meth, I dont put anything past anybody.

Then you sir are as much of a problem as they are, worse in my estimation. You would seem to suggest that the lack of mishap somehow mitigates wrongdoing, but that is a falacious premise.

I invite you to explain to the survivors of people killed by drugged, drunk, otherwise impaired drivers that thier loved one's death was the acceptable cost of doing business in a world where "everyone lies."

http://www.cdc.gov/MotorVehicleSafety/I ... sheet.html

You need to take a serious look at your values. I hope the guy who made the tires that you speed around on doesn't share them.

[Chaotic_Warlord]

I'ma just put this here, it's the only car that really matters in the whole scheme of European "Muscle" cars...



Zee German's take great pride in their engineering superiority.

Oh and the GT40 is lame. It is faster than anything I'll ever own, but outside of that it's just a overpriced Ford, only more so than the Viper is an overpriced Dodge and the Corvette is an overpriced Chevy.

[IBCoupe]

I'd prefer one of these:


Porsches are common.

[Chaotic_Warlord]

I'd prefer one of these:


Porsches are common.

Depending on where you live so are Ferrarri's and Lambo's I've seen more Ferrarri's and Lambo's than I have GT3 RS's.

[flohtingPoint]

@TMS: I wish I could think like you, but it's impossible in the cutthroat world we live in. You want to see the good in humanity, I see the animals we are. We're inherently selfish, like every other mammal on the planet. Morals and ideals help deter us from self destruction but, when push comes to shove, we're extremely greedy and self centered. The rich get richer and the poor get screwed and society is just fine with it because folks still eat their Taco Bell (made cheap by product of NAFTA) and buy their Nike's (made from cheap by product of sweatshops overseas).

If you come back to the states and work for the DoD right? That's a lie factory right there Brother, especially if you end up in VA Beach. Everyday documentation gets falsified or just filled out due to lack of caring. Troop progress reports? Firewall 5, cause it looks good on the unit and the supervisor. I already mentioned the budget situation with spending before fiscal year closes. Commander with an "open door policy"? Try using it and see where it gets you.

Honestly, I'm indifferent to it, just saying that it's part of life. I dont hold rally's trying to get people to lie more or hand out lying propaganda. If I'm not part of the solution then I'm part of the problem? Then I'm part of about a billion other problems, from the War on Terror to inter-office bickering.

[themadscientist]

@TMS: I wish I could think like you, but it's impossible in the cutthroat world we live in. You want to see the good in humanity, I see the animals we are. We're inherently selfish, like every other mammal on the planet. Morals and ideals help deter us from self destruction but, when push comes to shove, we're extremely greedy and self centered. The rich get richer and the poor get screwed and society is just fine with it because folks still eat their Taco Bell (made cheap by product of NAFTA) and buy their Nike's (made from cheap by product of sweatshops overseas).

I share your clear view of the nature of humanity. Where we break ranks is, I won't adopt the tactics and methods of those I find immoral. To assume that that means I cannot and do not crush my share of them daily with honorable consistent adherance to a higher standard would be in error.

Now, your assertion that humans and animals share a trait for selfishness is not well-supported. Animals don't kill for sport, they do not display malice in their actions with even against each other.

Deceit is not a natural tendency. Quite to the contray, it's learned behavior. The first time a child is punished for a wrong act they learn that actions have consequences. From that point they will learn that if they can successfully deceive they can avoid that punishment. Now they also have the opportunity to learn that if they hold themselves to a higher standard and don't do wrong things they will not need to deceive. They will internalize the values that with actions come responsibilities and while one strives to do good, we do occasionally do bad. the difference between the two ideas discussed here is an honorable man will accept responsibility for not only the praiseworthy actions he makes, but also the falterings. He will accept the consequences for his actions, not seek to hide it and avoid them.

@If you come back to the states and work for the DoD right? That's a lie factory right there Brother, especially if you end up in VA Beach. Everyday documentation gets falsified or just filled out due to lack of caring. Troop progress reports? Firewall 5, cause it looks good on the unit and the supervisor. I already mentioned the budget situation with spending before fiscal year closes. Commander with an "open door policy"? Try using it and see where it gets you.

I have been in and I have served the military in civilian service. I know the climate you are alluding to and I understand that it is pervasive and institutionalized. I seek to fight against such crap and rather than harming me, I would assert that I have enjoyed success. For example, when I was a young NCO, I was charged with the preventative maintenance for a battalion's trucks. We had a procurement problem where the various filters and replacement parts could not be kept on hand in the numbers we needed to ensure readiness.

Now, I could have easily found surrupticious means to get the parts and put the unit at risk if scrutinized. I chose, instead, to identify the underlying problems and develop solutions to get parts in a timely fashion without breaking regulations. It didn't take me long to come up with a perfectly legitimate solution and in a very short time PMs were being processed at a lightning pace.

My leadership, while not bad people, had internalized a mindset similar to yours that a certain level of graft was part of the process. I could have easily jobbed the system, I'm very clever, and I would have had the defacto approval of my boss. I didn't, though; I don't work that way. The leadership wanted readiness, I delivered readiness, at the moment they didn't really care how I did it. lucky for them, I did, because when the FASMO inspection rolled through they suddenly started wondering how I did what I did.

It was too late to hide the process, but the wonderful thing was my process was completely legit. The Meritorious mast in my SRB is my reward, but more importantly the knowledge that I walked straight and true and that my boss was rewarded for the trust he placed in me. The look on his face when he realized I was watching out for him by keeping my actions above board was great. I earned respect. You don't earn respect by being successfully deceitful, at least not in the long run. You earn justifiable suspicion and contempt.

@Honestly, I'm indifferent to it, just saying that it's part of life. I dont hold rally's trying to get people to lie more or hand out lying propaganda. If I'm not part of the solution then I'm part of the problem? Then I'm part of about a billion other problems, from the War on Terror to inter-office bickering.

You don't have to chose to advocate for dishonorable behavior, your actions, or more to the point, inactions, makes you as guilty as those who do the deed. Indeed, if you are not part of the solution, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Behavior that is as often challenged and punished is behavior eliminated. You can't control the actions of those above you directly, but you can control your own and you can choose to reject it in your area of responsibility. Is it easy, of course not. Is it worth it? It is to me. Only you can say if the metaphorical blood on your hands is acceptable to you.

When you dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you. Mad don't dance.

[flohtingPoint]

If you take the job down in VA Beach, I'll definitely buy you a brew or two as I'm working a DoD contract in that area. I'm sure it'd prove for some good discussion =)

[themadscientist]

I'd enjoy the chance to ride in a hachiroku with the steering wheel on the wrong side.

[Bubba1]

To steer this discussion back to the Jalopnik witer's rant about Ferrari. Do I believe Ferrari tweaks/tunes/preps their cars carefully before handing them over to mainstream press for testing? Sure. Do I believe other manufacturers do the same, especially high end ones? Yep. Do I care? Nope. Stats are not why I would purchase one supercar vs another.

While I find it silly for a manufacturer to put so much emphasis on stats performed by professional drivers as a major means of comparison for automags, and so many people make a big deal out of a 0-60 time of 3.2 vs 3.5 seconds, I do recognize that the supercar market has gotten more crowded in recent years and companies are desperately seeking ways to make their vehicles stand apart from the others to justify the insane prices.

I think his rant is barely newsworthy.

[themadscientist]

Very little of what I find in modern media is newsworthy. Lindsey Lohan is a train wreck, yes, why is this on my damned TV?

[Bubba1]

Very little of what I find in modern media is newsworthy. Lindsey Lohan is a train wreck, yes, why is this on my damned TV?

Easy. Ratings, It's human nature to want to examine train wrecks.