What car, you may (or may not) be asking yourself, could cause such fury?
Is it a hybrid?
Is it an abomination of Continuously Variable Terribleness?
Does it drink lots of corn?
Is it electric, or otherwise "alternatively powered"?
Does it drive itself?
Does it park itself?
Is it a rolling collusion of driver-defeating electronannies?
The answer to all of these questions is: "Nope."
It's much more simple, and much more PURELY TERRIBLE than that.
Pointless dramatically-prolonging sentence.
It is the Pontiac G6 GXP.
LOOK AT THIS ABOMINATION.
It is the most terrible kind of evil. One of those "things of that extreme evil which seem innocent to the uninitiate." Both subtly, creepingly sinister and overtly monstrous. It will steal your children in the night, run away with your wife, and show up at your desk dressed like you, sending inappropriate emails to your boss.
Look at the size of that SMEGGING SPOILER. There's only one thing in the entire universe that could be worse than the stock G6 coupe's Avalon-wannabe formless droopy a**, and that wing IS IT.
Look at that hood. GIGANTIC SQUARE NONFUNCTIONAL HOODSCOOPS. They're not even attractive, like the ones Toyota glued on their midsize trucks for a while. They look like s***.
Look at the 17 hectares of empty sheetmetal behind the door and in front of the rear wheel arch. And while you're at it, look at whatever the HELL that is that's going on with the rocker trim ON the rear wheel arch.
Look at that gigantic, featureless swath of weirdly-squared rubber that is the rear bumper.
This car is GENUINELY TERRIBLE.
My brain refuses to even attempt to imagine the kind of person who might actually CHOOSE TO PAY MONEY for one of these disgusting perversions of automotion.
I HATE this car.
