i need legal advice

[stunt_driver]

lately me and my wife havent gotten along, i want full custody of my 2 yr old son, he means the world to me, i wanted to work things out with her for our son, but she refuses to talk about the subject, it started dec/02 she left for las vegas said she will be back in a week, but ended up in cali, and austin texas, and it toke her 3 weeks later to come back, she rarely called to check up on our son, she only called 4 times with in that 3 weeks, she also told me that she was seeing someone at vegas, and yes i was mad, but i didnt get mad i just blew it off, because i love her so much, then everything seem to be fine, but the months of 7/03 to present she has been, going out to bars with her friends alot she'll got out every wed-sat, i didnt mind because i though she just wanted to get out, but what gets me mad is she will get off of college and watch our kid for about an hour wehn i get off or work she will go to work and and come home and take off, only spending like an hour with our son, i tried to talk to her about it but she continues to do it, then i recently found out she has been cheating on me with another man, and he knows about me and everything, she slept over at his house 3 times and lied to me and my child, that she was staying at her friends house and will be back home, later on that night, she never came him till the afternoon, her friend finally told me about it, i was hurt and we tried to work things out, but she keeps calling him, and going out still,now she wants to move out on her own, and only watch our son from the time she gets off of school till she goes to work, which is only 2 hours, i have him all the time to, i spend more time with him, everytime i leave the house and tell my son ill be back he doesnt cry, but when his mom does it he cried non stop, i think my child feels like his mother doesnt love him, i dont want her to hurt me or my son again, my son is my world, also i work full time and she only works part time job, also alot of people have been telling me to leave her and get full custody of my son, i am thinking about it now, but i am just afraid i am going to loses him forever and i wont know what to do if that happens, please help me out it hurts everyday knowing the one you loved is cheating on you and the most special thing to you could be gone, by a judge's view of it, i not sure what to do, i mean i everybody feels she neglected me and my child, i am unsure what to do it has been driving me crazy for the past month thanks

[Bubba1]

Sorry about your situation. Very very sad. From what you describe, it sounds like she's pretty much made her decision regarding your marriage. But if you've seriously tried to discuss it rationally with her and she still doesn't want to work things out, then you need to meet with a lawyer asap to discuss your options. Please remember, 2 year olds have no concept of adult relationships, so both of you need to be civil to one another and watch the "mommy or daddy doesn't love us or she lied to me" stuff. Your son needs parents who love HIM. Telling him his mom is an adultress or liar (even it's true), can be devasting to a toddler who relies emotionally on both of you. Married or not, you two forever linked because of him, so both of you need to stay focused on his well-being despite your issues with each other. If you both keep that in mind, I'm sure things will work out for the best

I hope you two can work thru your problems. But if you can't work them out , I'm sure your son would rather have two happy parents living apart than two miserable parents living together. Good luck

[AZhitman]

Great advice from bubba - Keep a clear head over this, and try to keep the emotion "down" for a bit (which will be hard).

There will be time to grieve the relationship after you've taken care of your (and your son's) best interests.

Sorry for your loss...

[stunt_driver]

i am seriouslly thinking about taking legal action, but i am scared of her taking my child away from me and hurting her feelings i still love her alot, they both mean the world to me, you can say its an unconditional love thing, im not sure if i should take it to a lawyer or not, everybody wants me to him away from her even her mom, thanks

[Bubba1]

There's no need to tell her you are consulting a lawyer, unless you're ready to file something, like a formal separation, divorce, or if you want to start an argument with her. A lawyer is in a much better position to tell you all your options, the risks and potential costs of any legal action. (It ain't gonna be cheap)

As far as the emotional side, you might also consider talking with a marriage counselor (therapist). You might find them in a better position to help you work thru your emotions than with your NICO brethren. If your wife doesn't want to go a marriage counselor, (and it sounds like she's not interested) that doesn't mean you can't discreetly talk to one yourself, to get your own emotions figured out).

You cannot love someone enough for the both of you. I wish it were true but it's not. Life is too short to be miserable, and being miserable is not healthy for you or your son. So I hope you talk to a professional.

[AZhitman]

Amen.

Sage advice from a wise man.

[MasterMan]

i would think they would grant you custody (sp) of your son, if you tell them what she has been doing and how she isnt there for him.. tho i dont know how the legal process is because ive never gotten a devorce.. but your going to have to start to detatch yourself from her (emosnaly) because you can keep blowing off what is going on and still love her, but its just going to hurt way wores if and when you get a devorce.. its hard to let somthing go but it sounds like she needs to be.. cheating cant be allowed.. thats just not right

sorry man, i hope i didnt come off harsh or anything.,.. and sorry about the spelling errors.. i know, i suck..

[audtatious]

Most states these days don't give a hoot about adultery and the court systems are biased towards the women. I would seriously check with the state to see if they consider adultery a crime or not. I've been there twice before with my X wives as both screwed around. As of my last divorce ( final last Oct ), due to the way the state of Indiana looks at marriages now, we were not allowed to bring it up. She got over half the furniture, TV+PS2, stove, etc, including the van we had just bought ( I get to pay for it ). She did take one bill :rolleyes . I got the house (just refinanced with no real equity) and over $14k of debt to pay off. Who got screwed in THAT deal. Guess I should have gone off and screwed around too...

Anyway, if she want's your son, it will be a tough battle. The court systems still believe children are better off with their mothers and it sounds very doubtful you could prove her as an unfit parent.

Your best bet is to let her move out while keeping your son. Talk her into moving into another school district if at all possible (that way, he would have to change schools), assuming your son is of school age. Then, file for a divorce. You having the child in a stable environment, going to a local school system, etc. will make it more difficult for her to come back and get him. Unfortunately, that's not impossible...

From what I've read, it is time for you to let go and find someone who appreciates YOU! She will never do that now and even if you two made up for now, it is inevitable that the same will happen again. Are you really willing to share her with other men to simply have her in your life? I doubt the prospect of that is very appealing.

It's a hard road and full of emotional potholes. Once she is gone and you are able to get a fulfilling life again, you will look back and wonder why you didn't kick her to the curb immediately. Just hang in there and good luck....

[stunt_driver]

well update i kicked her out of the house today, but i did a stupid thing i ran after her, i told her i still love her, but she told me she wants space from me but likes that other guy, but i do have my son tho thanks

[SCOOTER240]

a little personal experience on that subject:my soon to be wife and i just went through a similar situation with her ex-he left her and 2 daughters to join the army-the day that he left she was informed that they were to be evicted that day-strike one-

she moved in with her parents and lived there for about 2 years-strike two-

she kept a low paying job at the kids daycare so that she could pay some bills and to be able to aford daycare-strike three-

these were negatives that an attorney pointed out as strikes in her getting sole custody-1.unstable home arrangement2.insufficent financial support3.unstable work history

these were things that were at issue at the time before we got together-it didn't matter that he hadn't seen the kids in over a year-no contact whatsoever

so in my experience the only things that the courts are concerned with is financial stability and stable home life

it took us almost 5 years of living together to finaly get the jerk to sign the papers and to agree that he was not a suitable parent fo rthe kids-by that time the oldest had all but forgotten about him and the youngest was too young to remember him-i am daddy to them and they treat our son as if all of them had the same daddy-

just stay tough and don't give in to any of the games that the attorneys may try to play to get your case settled quickly so that they don't have to work too hard

good luck and be the best dad that you can be!!!!

[stunt_driver]

i dont really know what to do right now, i mean i dont want to hurt her feelings, i dont like making her sad, but it drives me crazy that she is with someone else, it is so hard for me to let go, because we been together since high school, and she was my first puppy love experience, i think i was 12 when i had puppy love feelings for her and it just turned into something else later on when we got older, i been with other girls back in the day, but some how she is special to me but everybody on my side of the family wants me to get custody and i feel like i am being force to do something that might not even be right, but her side of the family doesnt want us to leave each other and wants us to work it out, so i stuck right now and everyday people are telling me this and that and it just gives me all worked up and depressed because i dont know what i want to do thanks

[SCOOTER240]

despite all of the good advise the one thing that you need to remember to do is follow your heart-not your head and not the little head-do what you believe to be the best thing that you can do for you and your son-nobody else can live for you and nobody else will pay the concequences-if she really loves you then the things that she is doing will weigh heavy on her heart and hopefully reason will set in sooner than later-if not than she may realize too late and at that time it's possible that even her son will not be able to forgive her-

my favorite saying-(latin) tempnast olivas reveta-time reveal all

[nametakennow]

That's really saddening stunt man... Any reasonable judge would see it your way I'd think (never been to court, so I can't be sure) but talk to a lawyer and see what they say, maybe a therapist too. Try to get some people to agree with you (such as the therapist) and use them in court, that way you have more than just the word of a guy (cause courts are biased towards women, as we all know). Good luck!