HELP ME SELL MY AWESOME CAR

[frapjap]

http://southcoast.craigslist.org/cto/3693894058.html

[Ace2cool]

Dude that thing is sweeeeeet. Something like this would make that thing sell:

[VQpwrdSE-R]

First Craigslist car AD with works cited. +1 to you sir!

The tape player does not work. However, I'll include my personal copy of "Hair Metal Hits of the 80's" to motivate you to get it working again

Epic. I actually should have got this car for my sister who has acquired a taste for rear ending people. Fingers crossed she doesn't destroy the 06 legacy she picked up.

[Kompresshun]

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

[PapaSmurf2k3]

I fully support Ray's ad.
And yes, this is definitely the first CL ad I've ever seen with works cited. Bravo.

I'll send it to my dad. He might know someone in the area.

[Bubba1]

I actually should have got this car for my sister who has acquired a taste for rear ending people.

That certainly sounds better than the reverse scenario if she were to acquire a taste for people rear ending her..... j/k

Ray, I don't think you'll have any problem at all selling that car despite it not being "cutting edge", especially with the current gas prices.


Good luck

[VQpwrdSE-R]

I actually should have got this car for my sister who has acquired a taste for rear ending people.

That certainly sounds better than the reverse scenario if she were to acquire a taste for people rear ending her..... j/k

Oh man walked right into that one :/ nice zinger Joel.

[frapjap]

Thanks guys! So far the only two calls I have are guys asking, "DUDE? Is this ad for real? Its awesome"

[LongBeachCoupe]

You have too much time on your hands!
Great ad

[WDRacing]

Probably the best forsale ad I've ever read, good job Ray.

[numbnuts240]

Thanks guys! So far the only two calls I have are guys asking, "DUDE? Is this ad for real? Its awesome"

my 0.02, those kinds of call are probably all you'll get. craigslist is flooded with "look how clever and funny i am" ads that people take as seriously as the kardashians. most people who are actually looking to purchase a vehicle and see your ad will move right along because it looks like a joke. you have to put yourself in your target's place. i, personally, would never think about buying that car if that was the ad i was presented with. also, 1500 sounds crazy to me. i'd offer you 500.

all caps title?

[Jesda]

It's tax season. $500 is 1/2 to 1/3 what the car is worth, at least in the STL metro area.

[darylzero]

Before you sell the car or Craig deletes the post because it's old I thought it should be saved here, it's too good.

This would be a great first car for your young driver recently added to your insurance policy. It'll be economical to drive, cheap to maintain, prevent obesity, and teach self-reliance. What could be better than a waste of payments on a newer model Toyota Corolla?!

THIS 1991 TOYOTA COROLLA!

Here's why-

This bad boy gets 30mpg while giving back to the environment and burning a bit of oil at the same time! Its the epitome of reliability! I regularly used this car for two years to drive 8 hours, 800+ miles round trip to go ski for many, many weekends. That 1.6l engine never missed a beat returning 30+mpg each and every time, so long as you added a quart of oil every 2,000 miles or so. Remember that part about teaching self reliance? If that kid of yours doesn't add oil, then they don't deserve the privilege of driving a car. As an added bonus, the power steering fluid occasionally needs refilling as well. The car is equipped with a high tech reminder of when to add fluid because the steering wheel gets very difficult to turn.

Since I intended on keeping this car before purchasing a badass awd zombie killing vehicle, it has had some very recent improvements within the past 200 miles.

Fresh oil change and filter- Mobile 1, only the best!

Brand new starter and battery- You're not likely to be stranded unless you leave the lights on.

New snow tires on the front- Driving ban during Nemo? HAHA! This car owned the storm.

Brand new front brake pads- They'll stop you once you've hit the car's intense top speed of 85mph. Down hill. With a tail wind.

Brand new exhaust- It's a stock replacement; none of that fart can business so no one will mistake your kid for wanting to race, nor will the police be profiling him.

New headlight- another added bonus. The front right of this car has already been hit and has some body blemishes, so when your kid denies crashing into their first trash can, grocery cart, another car, or mailbox you won't be too upset about it- and neither will they!

Impeccable interior- other than some staining on the seats, the interior is squeak and rattle free and quite pleasant inside. It sports an am/fm radio and tape player.

The tape player does not work. However, I'll include my personal copy of "Hair Metal Hits of the 80's" to motivate you to get it working again.

Dynamat sound deadening! I added this because of the amount of hours I spent driving hearing the drone of the tires and wind for 4 hours at a time. This stuff is plastered in ALL of the doors, the floor pans, and the trunk! The result? A Cadillac like state of serenity as you drive along the highway.

Remote start- It works! The heat in this car is like a sauna as well. Start this baby up on a cold December morning with the controls set to "hot" and you'll ever wonder if any other car, ever, could have heat this good.

Security system- there isn't one, but the looks alone are enough to ward off any would-be thief from thinking that there is anything valuable in this car.

Inspection- its current!

The drivers window is difficult to get back up once down- TRANSLATION- THIS CAR FIGHTS CHILDHOOD OBESITY! Some notes about this epidemic sweeping our nation:

· Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and tripled in adolescents in the past 30 years.1, 2

· The percentage of adolescents aged 12--19 years who were obese increased from 5% to 18% over the same period.1, 2

· In 2010, more than one third of children and adolescents were overweight or obese.1

· Overweight is defined as having excess body weight for a particular height from fat, muscle, bone, water, or a combination of these factors.3 Obesity is defined as having excess body fat.4

· Overweight and obesity are the result of "caloric imbalance"--too few calories expended for the amount of calories consumed--and are affected by various genetic, behavioral, and environmental factors.5,6

This window will prevent your kid from going through the drive through for fast food! You're unlikely to find McDonald's and Burger King contraband and giant soda cups in the foot wells with this built in deterrent. If you'd like, I can ensure that it won't go down either!

If this car sounds like the right vehicle for you, please reply via email, or call me at

401 five-three-three seven 6 two 4

$1,500

I am available for viewings most evenings after 5pm. I also have a VALID MASSACHUSETTS TITLE and documentation for all maintenance done to this car under my ownership.



References

1. Ogden CL, Carroll MD, Kit BK, Flegal KM. Prevalence of obesity and trends in body mass index among US children and adolescents, 1999-2010. Journal of the American Medical Association 2012;307(5):483-490.

2. National Center for Health Statistics. Health, United States, 2011: With Special Features on Socioeconomic Status and Health. Hyattsville, MD; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; 2012.

3. National Institutes of Health, National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute. Disease and Conditions Index: What Are Overweight and Obesity?External Web Site Icon Bethesda, MD: National Institutes of Health; 2010.

4. Krebs NF, Himes JH, Jacobson D, Nicklas TA, Guilday P, Styne D. Assessment of child and adolescent overweight and obesity. Pediatrics 2007;120:S193--S228.

5. Daniels SR, Arnett DK, Eckel RH, et al. Overweight in children and adolescents: pathophysiology, consequences, prevention, and treatment. Circulation 2005;111;1999--2002.