Health Plan (Funny Joke - Adult Content)

[LuckyLuke]

A wealthy but very Snooty woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furious.

'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and ifhe doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman..

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?"

The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."

[370Z/28]

[G_whizz]

LMAO!!

Great!

[marlin29311]

Lol, sounds like a terrible disease, but with the right health plan, could be great!

[370Z/28]

I wonder what the co-pay is?

[telcoman]

A wealthy but very Snooty woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furious.

'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and ifhe doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman..

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?"

The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."

Nursing home sex....... Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.* Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. * One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.* After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I miss most of all?' * Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!' 'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.' *

Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O .K. * She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son of a b****! What does Ethel have that I don't have?' Old Harold smiled happily and replied, 'Parkinson's.'* ________________________________________ LARRY IS IN ROOM 232 AT THE HOSPITAL! Okay, so you're asking, " Who in the hell is 'Larry "? Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been? 'Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.' 'A tattoo!?' she screeched.. 'What kind of tattoo !?' 'I got a hundred dollar bill on my pen15,' he said proudly. 'What the hell were you thinking?! She said, shaking her head in total disgust. 'Why in the world would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill Tattooed on his d!ck?' Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I enjoy playing with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of YOU going out shopping, you can stay right here at homeand blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!' As I said, Larry is in room 232 at the Hospital. Telcoman

[370Z/28]

[tollboothwilley]

LOL

I love when we get jokes out. Thanks TELCO and LUCKY LUKE.

[Ar878]

i lol'd

[SVTCOBRA]

[telcoman]

God said, 'Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down Into that valley and...' Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to Him. Then God said, 'Cross the river...' Adam said, 'What's a River?' God explained that To him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill...' Adam said, 'What is a Hill?'

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On The other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a Cave?' After God explained, He said, 'In the cave You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?' So God explained That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I Want you to Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do I do that?' God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....'

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes down Into the valley, Across the river, and Over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the Woman... Then, in about five Minutes, he was back. God, His patience Wearing thin, said Angrily, 'What is it Now?' And Adam said.... * * (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!) * *

* * * 'What's a headache?'

[370Z/28]

[kmckis1029]

[Tampa G35 Sedan 6MT]

Good ones guys...

Howard.. You always have the best jokes...

[telcoman]

Good ones guys...

Howard.. You always have the best jokes...

This just in!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man goes to confession in the Catholic Church...

"Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sexwith Nookie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells thesinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

Soon after, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has beentwo months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Greentwice a week for the last two months." This time the priest questions,"Who is Nookie Green?" "A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinnerreplies. "Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his homily,a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. Theeyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays upthe aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest! Her dress isgreen and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. Thepriest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes anddress sits with her legs slightly spread apart.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie Green?"

The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies, "No, I thinkit's just the reflection off her shoes."

[telcoman]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a** hole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket $95.00Court Costs $45.00Look on the Cop's Face..............PRICELESS!!!

[Nazc0]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his pen15 in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

[telcoman]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his pen15 in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

Why is it when a woman becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say “congratulations.”

But none of them rub your d!ck and say “well done”

What’s up with that??