PRAYERSFemale Prayer
Before I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man, who's not a creep,One who's handsome, smart and strongOne who loves to listen long,One who thinks before he speaks,One who'll call, not wait for weeks.I pray he's gainfully employed,When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.Pulls out my chair and opens my door,Massages my back and begs to do more.Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"I pray that this man will love me to no end,And always be my very best friend.Amen.
MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobswho owns a liquor store and a fishing boat. Thisdoesn't rhyme and I don't give a s***.Amen.
FUNNY - Prayers
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tollboothwilley
- Posts: 3759
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- Car: 2003 G35 Sedan w/ NAV
- Location: LAS VEGAS!!!
- Contact:
Re: FUNNY - Prayers (tollboothwilley)
IB4T...move?
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tollboothwilley
- Posts: 3759
- Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 7:45 pm
- Car: 2003 G35 Sedan w/ NAV
- Location: LAS VEGAS!!!
- Contact:
Re: FUNNY - Prayers (fukin240)
IB4T? Whats that ...fukin240 wrote:IB4T...move?
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zozoka1212
- Posts: 5533
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 7:54 pm
- Car: 08 Infiniti G35x
- Location: Winter wonderland
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370Z/28
- Posts: 2858
- Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:21 pm
- Car: 370Z & Z28 *SOLD*
'13 Lexus IS250C F-Sport - Location: Memphis, TN
Re: (SVTCOBRA)
But it would be bad if we all thought of nothing but boobs all the time.
One of my favorite lines from a song is a Good Charlotte song "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money"
See.....we can be shallow too.
One of my favorite lines from a song is a Good Charlotte song "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money"
See.....we can be shallow too.
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370Z/28
- Posts: 2858
- Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2009 12:21 pm
- Car: 370Z & Z28 *SOLD*
'13 Lexus IS250C F-Sport - Location: Memphis, TN
Re: (08.black.G37)
While we are on gender jokes....I love this one.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror–make mental note: must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth ,leg cloth, long loofah ,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your a**.
4. Get in the shower and kick any shower chairs out of the way.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror–make mental note: must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth ,leg cloth, long loofah ,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your a**.
4. Get in the shower and kick any shower chairs out of the way.
5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again
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zozoka1212
- Posts: 5533
- Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 7:54 pm
- Car: 08 Infiniti G35x
- Location: Winter wonderland
Re: (08.black.G37)
LMAO
SHAKE WEINER AT HER MAKING WOO WOO SOUND
HAHAHAHAHAH
SHAKE WEINER AT HER MAKING WOO WOO SOUND
HAHAHAHAHAH
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kmckis1029
- Posts: 1768
- Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:45 am
- Car: 2016 Q50 RS400 AWD
2010 G37x w/Prem, Nav, & Wood (sold)
2005 G35x w/Prem C (traded in) - Location: Centerville, GA
- Contact: