Ever wish you could reprogram yourself?

[themadscientist]

I'll preface with the confession that I'm no saint. I am a pretty honest, fair person who abides by most laws. I like to speed and may not sort my trash and I live for ripping mattress tags off, but otherwise I am am a vanilla, hard-working do-gooder that would irritate Clark Kent.

While I am proud of who I am and I think I am an asset to this little spinning ball and my fellow ball members sometimes I wish I could turn off my filters, if only for a moment.

Instead of saying to the guy who pulls into the handicapped parking spot "you shouldn't park there" and have him give me the finger I just drag him out of his car and pound his head on the asphalt to soften him up before stomping on his legs until I feel bones break and then say "NOW you can park there, ***hole" before switching back and asking my wife "shall we go pick up those cute bookends at bed bath and beyond?"

Instead of suffering in frustrated silence as some screaming baby ruins the movie, instead get up, find the little bastard and drag him and his parents out into the lobby and tell them "rent the DVD you inconsiderate twits."

Later when those same people thrust pictures of the little gremlin they gave birth to in my face and solicit affirmation by inquiring "isn't he just precious?" Instead of choking back the bile in my throat and disingenuously say "oh yeah" I can instead say "Cripes lady, warn me before you show me something like that. Does he at least have opposable thumbs?"

Instead of damned-near getting rear-ended coming to a stop while some douchebag tries to drum up the courage to deliver on that promise his blinker made and f*** go! I could just nail him into the guardrail and go on with my day having delivered a small gift to all the people behind me who are not covered in hot coffee and now have something entertaining to gander at on the way by.

Instead of fighting tooth and nail at work to get people not to actually excel, nay, just to meet a modicum of the expectations placed on them so I can do my work I can just say "f*** it" and kick back to play with my pecker and wait for quitting time like they do. It infuriates me, but while the grass on the other side is chest deep and there is an abandoned car in there it sure does look green.

Having no inhibitions appears to be so liberating and I must admit I lust for such guiltless freedom, but I can't change myself. I will continue to try to live up to my own standards and fume as a large percentage of my fellow humans drag their knuckles through their selfish, insipid lives completely oblivious to just how much they suck and that they are often the scant firing of a neuron away from having me drive a ballpoint pen brain-deep into their eye socket just for the satisfaction of watching the reflexive inhale slurp some of that ever-present drool back in their mouths.

For all of you who made eye contact with me during these times and told me you are feeling it too, thank you. You kept me sane and I am happy to walk with you in brotherhood as sentient beings amongst morons.

[Bmore-coupe]

[sx moneypit]

AMEN BROTHER!!!!!!

[nissangirl74]

I'm pretty happy with my life, how I live it, and the choices I have made. While all of my choices have not been good ones, they have led me to where I am and I could not be happier. With that being said, I don't really feel a need to reprogram myself but I have a long list of people that need to be tweaked.

I have met some pretty horrible people in my life and I'm pretty sure some of them have been sent here to test my patience, forgiveness, and tolerance. I have found that as I have aged, I have less of all three of those. My ability to be around people who are perfectly content to be lazy and just skip through life and let the rest of us take care of them has dropped significantly as well. I find myself challenged everyday to keep from telling someone that they should go DIAF and quit breathing my good goddamn air. Then I have to remind myself that at some point during the day, someone has thought that I was a raving b**** and they are just as entitled to be irritated with me as I am with them.

At the end of the day, you have to accept that you can't change other people. No matter what you do or say, people are just going to be who they want to be and do what they want. All you can do is just surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, inspire you to push yourself to become a better person, forgive you for all of your shortcomings, and love you for who you truly are.

That's why I spend so much time here.

[MinisterofDOOM]

No. I regularly wish I could reprogram other people, though.

I'm not perfect by any means, but at least I make sense, and am consistent. Most people are just a mess. You never know what to expect from them and neither do they.

[Mr1der]

screw reprogramming, I wanna throw them in the scrap heap.

[Kompresshun]

No, i'm quite happy with the way I am. I used to think that I needed to change myself when I was younger, but i'm quite content with my life. Even though I may not have always made the right decisions, didn't always say the right thing, and made plenty of mistakes, it made me the person that I am today and I wouldn't ever change any of that. I feel like my life turned out pretty well, even with the mistakes I made, I wouldn't ever go back and change a single thing. Everything happens for a reason

I do have very little tolerance for people that make certain ignorant decisions and feel that some people just need to be sent to an island somewhere, to live with all of the other dumb@$$es in the world. But then I stop and think, a lot of those ignorant people that frustrate me to no end, probably think some of the things I do are ignorant as well. While I do still let things that are out my control infuriate me at times, I constantly try to remind myself that it's just wasted energy and emotions, which could be better served on something more important. No matter what you say or do, people are still going to do what they believe is right, whether they're completely wrong or not.

At the end of the day, you have to accept that you can't change other people. No matter what you do or say, people are just going to be who they want to be and do what they want. All you can do is just surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, inspire you to push yourself to become a better person, forgive you for all of your shortcomings, and love you for who you truly are.

^Troof!

[Encryptshun]

I had one of those moments over the weekend. My wife and just bought a new mattress set and since it wouldn't fit in the back of the Xterra (and the store wouldn't let me carry it on my roof rack), we did the in-store pickup truck rental for 75 minutes. On our way back to the store and nearly out of time, we come to a 4-way stop behind a couple of guys on motorcycles. They are deeply engaged in conversation sitting at a the stop sign with absolutely no one else around. Not wanting to be "that guy" I wait for a full MINUTE to see if they will carry on. They do not move. Mind you, they are side-by side at the white line and there's a full-curb median with grass and trees, so I can just drive around them. I give them the teeniest of honks on my horn. One of them turns around, sees me, grins (and not in a friendly way), and then turns back to the other guy and starts talking again. Perhaps it bears mentioning that I picked up a knack for reading lips while I was in college, and I can tell EXACTLY what they are saying to each other (no helmets):

Guy 1: "Hey, sounds like they want us to move. I'm not in a hurry. Are you in a hurry?"
Guy 2: "No, man. I don't think I am in a hurry."
Guy 1: "Well, I don't see any reason to move just because he's in a hurry."
Guy 2: "Nope, me either. So let's just keep talking like this so he knows we still have stuff to talk about."
Guy 1: "Yeah, let's do that."

At that point, Guy 1 turns around again and gives me another of his smarmy, sh*t-eating what-you-gonna-do-about-it grins.

I hold up my hands and mouth "Come on, fellas, give me a break."

He turns back to Guy 2 and says: "Well, maybe we should show him that we understand. Let's go. Follow my lead."

During the course of this interaction, probably 5 or 6 cars have come and gone through the intersection.

The guys take off in the direction I need to go (this is a residential area, so I'm on the only thru-street in the area) and move only fast enough for them to be able to keep their feet on the pegs. They are side by side, doing maybe 15mph if that and continuing to talk. This goes on for about half a mile or more, at which point the come to another four-way stop. At this one, I know I can turn right and get out from behind them, but I have a feeling that as soon as I turn on my blinker they are going to make sure they turn the same direction as me. Lo and behold, that's exactly what happens. I turn on my blinker, they turn around and turn on their blinkers, so I turn mine off. They start turning right, and then at the last moment they see me starting to go straight and swerve back across the intersection to get in front of me again. However, this give me the opportunity to go ahead and turn right and punch it. I see them both in my side mirror trying to turn around and come back my way, but they are already more than halfway through the intersection and other cars are already through and are blocking them from making a U-turn. They go on and the incident is finished.

My reprogramming would have allowed me in my 1/2 ton pickup with huge chrome-over-steel front bumper to leverage the laws of physics and teach them that rock beats scissor every time.

[Bubba1]

I'm pretty happy with my life, how I live it, and the choices I have made. While all of my choices have not been good ones, they have led me to where I am and I could not be happier. With that being said, I don't really feel a need to reprogram myself but I have a long list of people that need to be tweaked.

)

This^. I also recognize that we can't change the way most folks think or act, even if we think our intentions are good. IMHO patience, tolerance, and a sense of humor is a good substitute to reprogramming.

[sbird1]

It has been said before, but NICO needs a "like" button.

[Dattebayo]

This was just too perfect, I had to. :p

It has been said before, but NICO needs a "like" button.

No, it' really doesn't. Quit the facebook shenanigans already.

[alms24sebring]

^Aww pic fail

TMS I like your Wile E. Coyote stuff...

Oh, and also I agree. You get a giant bowdown from me too.

[Repo Man]

I love you Mike.

[frapjap]

are we friends yet?

[Pento240sx]

Beautiful. I feel the same way too. Sometimes I feel like the evil in me wants to take over and do a lot of things, to teach the people the meaning of respect and common sense. But I manage to control it and continue with my life. I guess sometimes is best to ignore it to a certain point.

[Oatmealman]

My reprogramming would have allowed me in my 1/2 ton pickup with huge chrome-over-steel front bumper to leverage the laws of physics and teach them that rock beats scissor every time.

Unfortunately it takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch,well in motorcyclist cases about 99% of the apples ruined it for the 1% of good apples.

[dgms240]

I'm pretty happy with my life, how I live it, and the choices I have made. While all of my choices have not been good ones, they have led me to where I am and I could not be happier. With that being said, I don't really feel a need to reprogram myself but I have a long list of people that need to be tweaked.

^ Agreed.
I've always been a fairly patient person when it comes to others, but as of late that patience has gone out the f*ing window! I don't know if it's because i'm getting older or if i just need to move out of this f*ing city. Atlanta definitely seems to have far more than their fair share of inconsiderate morons!!

[themadscientist]

I am trying to change myself a little. I have termed it "learning to say no." I work too hard, I accept too many things on my shoulders and I too easily assume new "hobbies." In and effort to regain control of my life, improve my health, produce better results for fewer work tasks, and begin to pursue the hobbies that make the cut I am saying "no" to many things these days. Luckily for my fellow humans who happen to be infuriatingly stupid, death by bic is still off the table.

[ADDirishboy]

death by bic is still off the table.

Is death by Montblanc acceptable? I mean, it is classier.

[Jesda]

I try to live among like-minded people. It really does work.

Thank goodness for highways and quiet suburbs.


[Hipsters are probably like "thank goodness for the bus and bustling downtown condos my parents pay for"]

[themadscientist]

death by bic is still off the table.

Is death by Montblanc acceptable? I mean, it is classier.

How about I give them a high quality Japanese pen if they agree to commit seppuku with it?