update:
we ended up changing the head gasket after finding gas in the oil and seeing all the white smoke and not knowing what the hell else it could be. oh and the compression check showed a little weak, especially on #1.
so, cars back together, and actually started first time! hurray

problem is, it still runs like a**. here's a bad phone video of it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehTyhDivh1o
it idles without dying, with a fairly regular idle, but it's rough and messing with the distributor doesn't fix it, so I guess it's not timing?
also, possibly related: after it warms up, exhaust-looking smoke floats up from the exhaust manifold area. can't tell exactly where it's coming from, looks like somewhere under the manifold. after the car is turned off it keeps smoking for a few minutes, so maybe it's just outer grease/buildup being burned off? i dunno.
the battery doesn't hold a charge at all anymore but that's unrelated.
suspects:1. vacuum hoses on the back of the head. I may have switched them around. specifically the three towards the bottom that are a huge pain in the a** to get to.2. exhaust manifold gaskets. we didn't replace them. would a bad seal there cause this kind of a rough idle?3. ??? your ideas here
frankly, i'm just happy it started :P now I hope i don't have to do it again.
ideas anyone?