NO START + blinker fuse blowing + possessed wipers + etc

[Yorb]

This 240 has some serious electrical gremlins, PLEASE help me troubleshoot! Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you.

Summary/TLDR

In order of priority

Car won't start
Thought it was the starter this time, or the solenoid, because the battery is good (~12.44v) and jumpering the battery positive directly to the starter wire (B/Y) at the connector close to the starter yields no results; not even a click. I've tried jump-starting as well; no luck. This is the start wire with no key in the ignition:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUporXHLAaU[/youtube]
This same wire shows 12v+ with key turned to start, but the car doesn't start. Took the starter and had it bench tested at Advance; it's GOOD (??). Battery too. Other starter post shows 12v+ at all times, as it should.

Turn signals/hazards
PROBLEM #1: Initially, the fuse would blow occasionally. I think I've narrowed that down to activating the right turn signal while applying the brake, but I haven't found where the problem is.
PROBLEM #2: Now, however, after putting back together the SMJ etc., I have some weird behavior in the circuit:

• Hazards only work in rear
• With hazards on, regardless of key position, activating right or left turn signal causes front right/left turn signals to flash (incorrect behavior; nothing should happen with key at OFF)
• With key at ON, only front turn signals work, but they flash quickly (indication of burnt out bulb usually)

[/color]
EDIT: Looks like this one was just the SMJ not being screwed in tight enough.


Windshield wipers
They come on by themselves occasionally if I go over a bump (railroad tracks are a pretty sure bet) and then usually don't go off until I hit another bump. Intermittent problem, haven't been able to trace it but it might be related to the other electrical issues.

Alarm system
I have a CrimeGuard 745i (ancient) in the car that worked fine up until these issues started. Now I have to leave it disconnected because it behaves erratically.

Headlights stuck in raised position
I tried removing the H/L RET DOWN relay (under air filter) and jumpering the posts; this caused the headlights to go down, so the problem is somewhere upstream towards the switch. Visual inspection of the switch itself and immediate harness yields nothing; it seems fine. Haven't done a full voltmeter test yet.

Speakers
Left door speaker cuts out sometimes but can be triggered by turning volume up real loud for a second, or banging my fist on the door. Low priority; the right speaker blew out so I may have to replace both anyway, at which point I'll examine the wiring in the door.

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Original post
Hope you like mysteries...

I have a number of sporadic electrical issues which I'm starting to think are related...on chronological order as best I remember from when they first started showing up:

1. Windshield wiper starts on its own sometimes if I make a turn or go over a bump. sometimes it will stop again if I hit another bump, but otherwise I have to pull the fuse. Turning the car off and back on doesnt usually help, wiper picks up right where it left off. Switch works normally except there's no off in these cases, the "off" position results in slow or medium speed sweeping.
2. Left door speakers cut out occasionally, can be fixed by banging on the inside of the door with my fist OR by turning the volume up until the speaker starts working, then turning it back down to normal levels (??? no idea why this works). note that i put in the whole audio system years ago, i'd think it was my fault if not for all these other issues. still possibly unrelated, just thought its worth mentioning.
3. Headlights stuck in raised position. I cut the brown wire a long time ago so I can control their closing (for sleepy eyes), but they still worked fine for a long time. then they started sometimes not opening and i'd have to wiggle the switch to get them to come up. now they dont go DOWN, ever.
4. Aftermarket alarm started behaving very strangely, going off by itself etc. I ended up disabling this for now until I have time to diagnose it, so I don't think it's directly related to the other problems.
5. Turn signal fuse blows on right turns, but not while car stopped. Hazard fuse blows if i then turn them on as well. This is obviously the first really serious issue and started last month. I've replaced about a dozen fuses in that time, inspected every wire i could find in the dash, can't figure it out. Not the relay because I replaced the old 4x hyperflasher i had in there with the stock relay, and it didnt help. I can't get it to blow while the car is off (ACC or ON but engine not running), but as soon as I try a right turn signal while driving it blows (EDIT: Not always on the first blink. Sometimes it takes half a dozen blinks, sometimes it's immediate. Can't tell if it's related to the wheel turning or just time/chance).

Anybody have any crazy ideas?? I have a feeling this will be annoyingly expensive to have diagnosed at a shop, especially because of the crapload of amateur wiring going on under the dash (see exhibit A lol). YEAH YEAH I know, it's probably my fault! thanks! But what if it's NOT my fault? or even if it is, can anyone point me in the right direction to fix it? Problematic harnesses? Anything?

THANK YOU for reading.

[abl0ck0fch33s3]

i'm far from an expert, but i'd put my money on it being an underdash problem. The blinker/speaker thing sounds like a problem with the switch somewhere, as well as the alarm. I'm pretty sure there's a bad ground or a short somewhere under that huge mess of wires. As a matter of fact, i'm almost positive that's what it is.

[mechanicalmoron]

I have NO idea about the fuse, but try this first, and then tackle that....

The lights being stuck up and the wipers are probably switch problems.

There's writeups on taking them apart, cleaning out the corrosion and crap, and generally refurbishing them. I know mine are all going, and have to be jiggled to get my lights up, wipers on, etc.

Fuse, maybe a relay problem or something? I dunno, try the switches first, maybe that will fix it. Speaker could be a bad wire where it bends for the door to open, having eventually stressed and cracked it.

[Yorb]

i'm far from an expert, but i'd put my money on it being an underdash problem. The blinker/speaker thing sounds like a problem with the switch somewhere, as well as the alarm. I'm pretty sure there's a bad ground or a short somewhere under that huge mess of wires. As a matter of fact, i'm almost positive that's what it is.

You're probably right, I definitely have a couple places where like 8 things are grounded by twisting bare wires around a bolt. I'll buy actual grounding washers and try to set everything up right and see if that helps.

I have NO idea about the fuse, but try this first, and then tackle that....

The lights being stuck up and the wipers are probably switch problems.

There's writeups on taking them apart, cleaning out the corrosion and crap, and generally refurbishing them. I know mine are all going, and have to be jiggled to get my lights up, wipers on, etc.

Fuse, maybe a relay problem or something? I dunno, try the switches first, maybe that will fix it. Speaker could be a bad wire where it bends for the door to open, having eventually stressed and cracked it.

Good idea about the switches, though I replaced the wiper switch a few months ago because I broke the old one in a fit of rage because my wipers wouldn't stop LOL And I actually tried to break open the turning indicator switch the other day to have a look but that thing is pretty well held together. I'll look for the writeup you speak of.

[300ZXttZMAN]

Moved to tech section.

[Yorb]

been trying to reground all my wiring and clean stuff up under the dash in my off time, and one thing i noticed while trying to hook the alarm system back up is that the ignition wire is making the voltmeter go crazy even when the car is off. is this normal? it starts at around -100mv and climbs up to 400mv over about 5 seconds, and then drops back to below 0 and climbs again. this doesn't seem normal. alarm manual says "The starter wire will read Positive 12 Volts only when ignition key is in"start" position (cranking the engine)."

I can't get the alarm system to work, it seems to be behaving erratically, which is what made me start checking wires. Any clues? Thanks.

[mechanicalmoron]

been trying to reground all my wiring and clean stuff up under the dash in my off time, and one thing i noticed while trying to hook the alarm system back up is that the ignition wire is making the voltmeter go crazy even when the car is off. is this normal? it starts at around -100mv and climbs up to 400mv over about 5 seconds, and then drops back to below 0 and climbs again. this doesn't seem normal. alarm manual says "The starter wire will read Positive 12 Volts only when ignition key is in"start" position (cranking the engine)."

I can't get the alarm system to work, it seems to be behaving erratically, which is what made me start checking wires. Any clues? Thanks.

Ignition switch and associated systems seem obviously worth checking out.

I only even know the name, not where it is or how it works, but isn't there a voltage regulator somewhere? That would totally blow fuses, I'd think....

[jkerns]

I would check the wiring harness that goes over the drivers side front tire. If your car is lowered at all that may rub through. Not saying this is it but I had troubles there.

[Yorb]

Ignition switch and associated systems seem obviously worth checking out.

I only even know the name, not where it is or how it works, but isn't there a voltage regulator somewhere? That would totally blow fuses, I'd think....

The wire shows this voltage pattern even with the switch disconnected. Doesn't seem to be the switch. And yeah I keep hearing about the voltage regulator in my searches, so I'll test it, but I think if it was bad it would blow more than a turn signal fuse. FYI, it keeps voltage in check when you rev the engine.

I would check the wiring harness that goes over the drivers side front tire. If your car is lowered at all that may rub through. Not saying this is it but I had troubles there.

I've seen this harness mentioned a lot too. My car isn't lowered, but it's probably still worth checking out if i can get to it. is there an easy way to access it without a lift or removing the wheel?

[Yorb]

So, all this stuff is still going on even after checking grounds and cleaning up wiring in general. Voltage regulator is good, but a few weeks ago I started having to wiggle the key a lot to start it...

On Thursday, it wouldn't start at all. Battery is good, starter is good, ignition switch seems fine (or at least that's not the only problem) because hot wiring doesn't even start it. Car won't jump start.

Clutch switch seems to be doing its job, and the black/yellow ignition wire has no juice at the starter even when key is at start position. In fact, black/white wire has no juice even before the blue interlock relay. Multimeter says "open" when I hook leads to black/white wire right before interlock relay and black/white wire at ignition switch.

Something is screwy.

Pulled shroud from left front wheel well to inspect that harness/bundle, can't see any problems. Likewise, can't feel any problems along the rest of the wire bundle either. What's going on? >:( is there anything left to do besides unwrap that entire bundle until I find a problem? Maybe I'll probe that black/white wire at intervals to try and narrow it down?

Any suggestions welcomed, thanks. I'm hoping it's one big melted mass of wires (we're in a heat wave here, 100+ F temps) and fixing it will fix allllll my electrical problems

[Yorb]

Update...I probed the black/white wire under the fender shroud (just after it enters engine room), and it DOES have continuity between there and the blue interlock relay. so that's a relief! now my problem is somewhere under the dash. there's a massive white harness that everything goes through bolted right above the driver's side kick panel fuse box, is there a way to get that out to test the connections in there? EDIT: Looks like that box is the famous SMJ. How do I get it open though, to where I can access the pins?

EDIT #2: got it disconnected (just pull it after loosening the bolt). doesn't help much though. still can't get BEHIND it to figure out what the problem is. also, i'm worried i may have wire colors mixed up. B/W at ignition switch becomes B/R before it gets to SMJ...then I think it's B/W again at interlock relay. What color is it in the Engine Harness (#1), going through the driver's front fender?

[Yorb]

well crap. looks like i was following the wrong wire. consider this thread a monologue and a lesson to be learned. the wire colors at the ignition switch don't just NOT CORRESPOND to the colors in the rest of the circuit, they correspond INCORRECTLY. watch out. B/Y at ignition switch = B/W in the rest of the circuit. That's the ignition wire that goes to the interlock relay and subsequently to the starter.

So now my problem is, why am I only getting ~12.28v at the starter when the battery is at ~12.45v. And, is 12.28v enough to start? Seems it's not.

[Yorb]

Well, start problem is solved! It's the starter solenoid. Cap is loose. Anybody wanna sell me a solenoid? :P