SAN BERNADINO, CALIFORNIAby Tony PaynePylon lovers are vowing to protest an upcoming gathering of the California Sports Car Club. Members of the radical group People for the Ethical Treatment of Cones have received a permit from the San Bernadino Police Department to picket the upcoming event where automotive enthusiasts, many with high-powered sports cars, will participate in a barbaric sport known as autocross.
According to the Sports Car Club of America, autocross -- also known as SoloII -- is a "driving skill contest that emphasizes the driver's ability and the car's handling characteristics. This is accomplished by driving a course that is designated by traffic cones on a low hazard location, such as a parking lot or inactive airstrip."
However, according to People for the Ethical Treatment of Cones -- more commonly known as PETC -- autocross is really little more than an excuse to abuse hapless pylons.
According to Steve Ekstrand, the President of PETC, cones are often placed right in the expected path of the competing cars.
"Many times, I've seen cones become lodged within the suspension of a car. Never have I seen a single cone receive treatment. New cones are kept available, and displaced pylons are replaced as if they are commodities. It's disgusting."
Ekstrand has recently become the focus of fury within his organization when it became public knowledge that he keeps in his backyard a 1969 Plymouth Barracuda. "Imagine if the President of PETA had a cat-skinning machine in her backyard," said a high-ranking officer in the PETC organization who requested anonymity.
In his defense, Ekstrand points out that the Barracuda is in perfect operating condition and that he pretends it is half-disassembled in order to avoid the temptation to partake in the barbaric rituals.
Ken Motonishi, an avid participant in Los Angeles-area autocrosses, brushed off the threat of cone-nappings. "Every time I crush an innocent pylon, I can't help but feel a little guilty. I can't see the problem with a course without cones. It can't do anything but help my scores."
Members of PETC point out that Motonishi is among the worst of the abusers. In fact, Motonishi is often referred to with the middle-moniker "Cone" in reference to his tendency to demolish stationary pylons.
"He may say he feels bad about his actions. But why does he continue to kill every chance he gets?" queried one angry protester. "Even worse, he has started training more cone abusers. At the last event, he convinced one of his students to smash 8 cones -- in one run!"
With the number of autocross participants sharply on the rise in Southern California, PETC has begun the process of having pylons named an endangered species. Only time will tell if the conus traficus will survive this assault on its livelihood.
For more information on the fight to save the pylon, visit http://animation.filmtv.ucla.e...x.htm
AutoX Humor
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EZcheese15
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LOL!!!
I remember on a band trip to Disneyland our bus driver got PISSED at all the detours and crap he had to maneuver around in the lot. So, at the urging of 65 bored, horny, (some intoxicated) sweaty teenagers, he promptly barreled the bus through a row of cones. Cheers and high-fives ensued, and several cones wound up jammed in the wheelwells, to be extracted by the most intoxicated teens (yours truly included) as souvenirs.
I remember on a band trip to Disneyland our bus driver got PISSED at all the detours and crap he had to maneuver around in the lot. So, at the urging of 65 bored, horny, (some intoxicated) sweaty teenagers, he promptly barreled the bus through a row of cones. Cheers and high-fives ensued, and several cones wound up jammed in the wheelwells, to be extracted by the most intoxicated teens (yours truly included) as souvenirs.
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lessthanjakejohn
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EZcheese15
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lessthanjakejohn
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EZcheese15
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