So my dad lost his job during the plummit of the economy. He's 60 btw and no one wants to hire him for anything at all. He couldnt pay for anything in northern VA because its just too expensive to live here and has no car. His sister and her crazy husband along with my cousin John moved out to a small town in TN called Crossville, I think ~1 hr east of Nashville. The crazy one and my dad never really got along before but he thought he could move out there with them for a while, collecting unemployment and waiting for social security at 62. He accepted. So me and my gf gave him a 9+ hour ride out there one weekend.
So we get to this dump in BF nowhere and meet and greet. Also, my dad's mom was staying there who I've never met before in my life, but thats another story. My Uncle Ken is a big Farmer John with the overalls and all. My Aunt Donna is right there with him but not fat.. husky I guess, and my cousin looks like trash w long hair and knows nothing about nothing, all of who are unemployed living off of grandmas retirement checks. So since they have no money they plant and can everything, I mean everything. There are 3 giant ~5ft by 5ft by 5ft tubs of water by the shed for when its needed. Next to it is a small farm where they plant. And the nearest neighbors in all direction are.... cows (not theirs).
Ok to the point. Dinner comes around and we are served the blandest steamed turnups and squash that was hardly enough to feed a holocaust victim. Then the political talk starts coming. This motherf'r said that Obama was ganna destroy the US and/or the world during his rein of terror. Obama is a tyrant and Communist that wants nothing but bad. He said that Obama was ganna shut down all the powerplants and rid us to the darkness, making us fend for ourselves. Seriously quote, unquote. This is why he moved to TN in the first place to be away from the city and people that will rob him. Then, he wants to turn off the power to the house to be in a couple months to be ahead of the game when the apocolypse happens, and so on. I just stayed out of it really. Me and my chick just looked at each other. At the end of dinner my grandma had a turnup left on her plate. Ken said "eat that or your getting it for breakfast tommorow". Sure enough the next morning he plops it in front of her at the table.. that pissed me off.
Later that night bored out of our skulls, Ken and Donna are watching tv and the rest of us were out back talking about Crazy in there. Apperently Ken disabled google and any other search engine on John's computer, and has a million passswords so that now he can't even look at p0rn. He found a loop tho lol. Some time later Im inside and my dad and cousin want to play Chess outside. So John grabs the battery powered lantern and no sooner Ken gets pissed and yells "Dont use that, that's for when the power goes out GD!!". Later Im makin some Chef Boyardee in the microwave cuz Im hungry. This mf'er stomps in and tells me to stop it because its sounds like im partying. WTF man.. wtf
So then that night, everyones in bed going to sleep (like 10pm), and me and my gf are sleeping in the living room but wanna watch some TV before bed. I turn it on, blue screen. Mess around alittle, blue screen. Play with switches, blue screen. So Fidel Castro comes out of his room once again and asks the wtf Im doing. "Umm, trying to watch TV before bed" I said. He replied "No you're not, there is no TV". Oh .... ok I thought. I coulda swore u were just watching a movie but ok. Lets just go the F to sleep and get the F out of here in the morning. Unfortunately the loud a$$ cookoo clock RIGHT ASBOVE US went off ever 30 and 60 mins. Must be a sign...
Anyways, we left Hell the next day but man what a trip. There are alot of details left out but you get the idea. I have one CRAZY brainwashing prick of an Uncle that I believe is the 2nd coming of Hitler. Grandma and Dad moved out, well, were kicked out for whatever reason, and moved down the street lol. They used her for money, all her money, for renovations and kicked her to the curb pretty much. But its a 'Main Street' so atleast there is some civilization. F*** Tennessee!
Sorry for the long post but thanks for listening. So, have any crazy family?
