Anyone else baffled by the whole idea of kids?

[Jesda]

I must be wired incorrectly. I seem to be among a tiny handful of people with no desire to have children. I don't know why folks are motivated to have them nor do I understand the joy that someone gets from creating a duplicate of themselves and then spending two decades caring for it. It's baffling because darn near every human being on earth produces offspring (look at China and India), so what is it that people get out of this seemingly universal experience?


Do I have aspberger's or something?


This isn't a recent development either. As long as I've been alive, I can't remember ever wanting kids. I never thought about how many I'd have, what I'd name them, or what I'd mold them into.


I don't intend to sound condescending or "above" it. I genuinely don't understand, like a robot trying to comprehend human emotions.

[MinisterofDOOM]

I'm right there with you. In general, I don't dislike kids. In fact I've always been pretty good with them. But that's other peoples' kids.

I've never had a desire to reproduce, and like you I've never understood the tremendous drive that others seem to have to create children. I don't understand the desire.

From a PURELY functional point of view (and this will likely sound arrogant) my knowledge that I am more intelligent and generally more healthy and better equipped than the average human SHOULD create in me a desire to spread my genes. I'm the ultimate Humanist: if I have a religion it is the successful future of the Human species. But even THAT doesn't fill me with the desire to procreate. Perhaps that's because there are, in modern times, other ways to ensure the continuation of one's genetics.

It's baffling because darn near every human being on earth produces offspring (look at China and India), so what is it that people get out of this seemingly universal experience?

See, now THAT's an interesting way to look at it. If you ask many people about procreation, they'll draw a link to Godliness, because it's an Act of Creation. They enshroud it in religion and mythology. Maybe this is where you and I are different. The most basic forms of life on earth can reproduce--in fact in the cases of basic life it's often ALL it can do. Reproduction is the most fundamental aspect of "life." I have an enormous respect for life, and for the continuation and proliferation of it. But I see nothing mystical or unique about the ability to produce offspring. I have no desire to create a child and say "look what I have done."

Then, of course, there's the pride people take in their children. I can understand that. But, for me, tethering myself to an investment of that kind for 20 years isn't appealing. One might argue that I'm lazy or afraid to commit to something serious, but I don't think that's true. In fact I think you and I are examples to the contrary: we're fairly successful self-motivated people who take pride in overcoming obstacles. From that perspective we should BOTH have an extra desire for children. But we don't.

Whenever I've mentioned this subect before (generally to friends who have multiple children, but who are younger than me) they tell me it's just because I "haven't met someone I want to have children with." Which is silly. Since when does a desire for a lifelog relationship with ONE person automatically extend to a desire for children? In fact, I would argue the opposite: If I were to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I'd want her TO MYSELF. That's sort of the point, isn't it? And it's that which confuses me most about the people I know personally with children. They all find someone, date for a few months at most, get married, and 8-12 months later they've got a kid. Seems to me they've skipped a step. And by my reconing they skipped a crucial step for an optional one.

I am definitely also baffled by the whole idea of kids.

[SBC 240Z]

it's your brain telling you that you shouldn't have kids.........

[Dattebayo]

A lot of my friends who planned to have kids had them out of a sense of continuity, like the only way they get to cheat death is because they procreated or something. At least, the male friends seem to think that way.

As far as what you'd do to mold them? I don't think too many people who had kids really thought it out that much. I guess it's just the sign of the times that people get pregnant by mistake and kind of go with it...

[bigbadberry3]

Giant money dump.

[themadscientist]

I like me a lot. I like my wife a lot. A copy of us would help the world. Perhaps you are not conceited like I am?

[Kompresshun]

Personally, I thought I always wanted kids when I was younger, but I was also raised that way. I was always VERY uncomfortable around kids, especially during my teenage years and never liked to hold babies, play with kids, or anything of the sort. The first child I ever willingly held was my own and once she came along, it all just kicked in for me - i've never had a single issue being a dad. I still don't care for other peoples kids though.

I enjoy being a dad a lot and do want us to have more kids eventually, but if you met me before we had kids, you would've never thought I wanted any at all. Kids confuse me too, but it's different for everyone I guess. I personally never came to a point that I said "I don't ever want kids.", but I think why I never was too excited about the idea was because I saw how stupid some parents were and I didn't want to be like that. So I spent more time observing parenting, because I didn't want to make the same mistakes.

Some people just aren't cut out for kids though, or just don't feel that need in their life. There's nothing wrong with it in my eyes, but to some people it's very offensive. I think it's smart to make those kind of observations and decisions for yourself, because it's a lot easier to decide you want kids later than it is to have one now and decide you don't want it later...

[Rev_D21]

No kids in my life ever, do not want. I have 2 dogs instead. The wife is happy with the no-kids thing as well.

[Looneybomber]

There is a pivital moment for guys when they go from not caring about babies/kids to loving babies/kids, and it happens about 1 second after you hold your own for the first time. Aaand then you have to take care of it for another 25yrs...


4 Ways Nature Brainwashes You into Taking Care of Babies


A baby is an anchor. I don't mean that in an abstract sense where it keeps parents grounded and appreciative of what really matters in life; I mean a baby is dead weight. In terms of pragmatic usefulness, a baby is about on equal footing with a moderately sized stone, if stones were prone to rashes and screaming and disgorging fluids. Where a baby horse can walk before the embryonic sack has had a chance to dry, and a newborn kangaroo can climb sheer vertical ascents to its mother's pouch without any hind legs, a human baby can't even flip itself over and will occasionally try to claw its own face off. Babies are simply not prepared for the world when they arrive, and it's up to parents to make sure they stay clean, their brains stay un-poked through their ill-formed skulls and they aren't carried off by coyotes or hawks.

It's a big job for anyone, and even though we are a highly intelligent species that can see the importance of propagation, there must be moments when the haze of affection clears from a parent's eyes and he or she is tempted to pad a wicker basket and find the closest river.

Fortunately, nature's never willing to rely on the off chance that anyone will actually like their child. Through years of evolution, it has hidden elaborate fail-safes in our brains to ensure that we won't abandon our young. "But Soren," you harried and sleepless parents will cry in a voice just soft enough not to wake your tiny beast, "You have no children -- what makes you think you know anything about raising a kid?" Well, you just answered your own question, Jack; only the childless can objectively see the spell you're under, a spell that's meant to look and feel a lot like love.


#4. A Baby Is a Bong-Load of Oxytocin


One of the most calming and euphoric drugs you will ever feel massaging its way into your brain is oxytocin. Fortunately, you will never have to pay anything for it, because your own body is your dealer. Oxytocin is a neuromodulating hormone that's released after sex, when you fall in love and, for mothers, when a baby breast-feeds. In fact, any skin-to-skin contact between a mother and her baby, even gazing into her child's eyes, will trigger another dose of this bliss hormone, effectively turning the baby into a vehicle for a drug. Now, anyone who has seen or knows firsthand how protective and nurturing weed enthusiasts are for their vaporizers and pipes can get a sense of how nature has tricked mothers into essentially becoming addicted to their babies.



Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-ways-natu ... z2FDgwlZlW

[snwbrdr435]

Babies, the worst std.

[MinisterofDOOM]

There is a pivital moment for guys when they go from not caring about babies/kids to loving babies/kids, and it happens about 1 second after you hold your own for the first time. Aaand then you have to take care of it for another 25yrs...

But that stuff all happens AFTER the baby is born. That's a whole 'nother thing. We're talking about the desire to have kids in the first place.

[Jesda]

Oxytocin probably explains why I love my dog. All he does is whine and eat yet I'm very willing to please him. While that explains why I like being around him, it doesn't necessarily explain why I wanted to have a dog to begin with. I guess for me I thought dog ownership would be fun (it is). I had one as a kid and wanted to have another as an adult. I find myself to be more balanced and stable since he became my sidekick.

I don't mean to compare children to animals; it's the closest I can get to relating to the desire to become a parent.

I also don't understand cat ownership but that's kind of another subject.

[Bubba1]

So if Mandy Moore says she wants to have a baby with you, you wouldn't willingly oblige her?

[Jesda]

So if Mandy Moore says she wants to have a baby with you, you wouldn't willingly oblige her?

That changes everything!

[rmezz13]

as crooked as this may sound but between my daughters college fund, life insurance and her dependency, she is saving us more on taxes than she costs...

BUT having a child is way more than i thought it would be... way more awesome. i'm sure i will have more and since you won't be having any, you can borrow (babysit) mine anytime you want to.

[SBC 240Z]

LOL talking about kids being a waste of money on a car forum. . . . . . .

[themadscientist]

When my kid carries me to work....

[Jesda]

you can borrow (babysit) mine anytime you want to.

Babysitting is easy:

1. Set Lion King DVD on repeat
2. Lock doors to house
3. Head to nearest pub and kill a few hours

[MinisterofDOOM]

you can borrow (babysit) mine anytime you want to.

Babysitting is easy:

1. Set Lion King DVD on repeat
2. Lock doors to house
3. Head to nearest pub and kill a few hours

You're a bit behind the times. Might I suggest replacing the Lion King DVD with an Angry Birds-equipped iPad?

[nissangirl74]

When I was 16, I "knew" exactly what I didn't want out of life. I swore I would never get married, I would never have kids, and I would never work in a factory. Guess what? Did all three and loved all three. Are there days when I contemplate pinning a $20 bill to their shirt and set them on the street corner? Absolutely. Are there days when I would step in front of a bullet for them? Every day. While I don't think I'm necessary an awesome or conventional parent, I don't think I'm a bad one either. Parenthood is not for everyone. If you don't want kids, it's OK. It's not a crime and there's nothing wrong with you. Also, I think you'll find the next generations will agree with you. There are more and more people deciding not to have children. Whatever their reason: financial, selfishness, or disdain, there has been an increasing trend of people deciding not to have kids. You might also be glad to hear that there is an increasing number of successful childless marriages. If you get married because you love one another and want to be together forever, and not just to make babies, your relationship tends to be happier and healthier. With parenthood comes great responsibility and times of great strain / stress. It just comes with the territory of another human being completely dependent on you for everything. To your credit Jesda, you seem to do pretty well around ours.

[frapjap]

Some people just aren't cut out for kids though, or just don't feel that need in their life. There's nothing wrong with it in my eyes, but to some people it's very offensive. I think it's smart to make those kind of observations and decisions for yourself, because it's a lot easier to decide you want kids later than it is to have one now and decide you don't want it later...

Thats it right there.

If you get married because you love one another and want to be together forever, and not just to make babies, your relationship tends to be happier and healthier.

This also.

I also have zero desire to have children. Thankfully, so does my girlfriend. There was one morning we were in bed and the classic line, "I have to tell you something comes out," and your head starts reeling around in a panic trying to figure out what potentially awful thing she is going to tell you that might have crucial consequence on your otherwise awesome relationship. So I nod, 'yes' and she takes a breath and says, "I don't want children." Surprised, I looked at her straight in the face, blankly, then smiled and pulled my hand back for a high five and yelled "HELLS YEAH!"

She was surprised. What followed was a whole long conversation about why we haven't a desire or a need to procreate and many of the same points have been made in this thread- dedication of time, the additional stresses on our relationship, the want to be with each other wholly and uninterrupted, the amount of money children cost (and the awesome things you can enjoy in life) without them, the constant worry of disease and well being of nurturing a completely defenseless human, etc. But I digress, she was just as surprised as I was about the whole subject. She must've asked me for a week straight if I was joking or just saying that. At some point some dude dumped her because "she wasn't a real woman because she didn't want children." Whatever. In an age where it seems like everyone younger than me already has a child or two, I'm glad to have found someone who feels the same way. I feel like it will always be easier to be there for each other and selfish for each other without another life to contend with.

[Rex]

As others have said, there's nothing wrong with not wanting children and having/raising children doesn't make anyone "better".

I will offer a few insights and personal observation from my ~20 years of parenting.

1 - it does not end at 18, 20, (I'll predict) 25 years. It's a life long commitment.
2 - it's one of the most difficult, yet rewarding things a person can do. And anyone that raises someone elses children (properly) is doing the work of a saint.
3 - if you enjoy the responsibility & reward of having a dog, you would (most likely) enjoy being a parent.

[gwoods]

3 of them running around my house everyday..... still baffled, I swear when I figure out what keeps making these kids appear I'm going to put a stop to it!

I think for Jesda the way your life style appears on the net you know that having a baby would slow down your road tripping and other activities. That being said it doesn't have to. Last summer we fly to Pittsburgh and checked out a Dodge minivan (280 hp for no reason at all) and drove to Newark, Staunton VA, Bowling Green, KY and then back to Pittsburgh over a 10 day trip. The summer before that we drove from Phoenix to Winnipeg, Canada and back taking the scenic route and visiting Mount Rushmore on the way home.

Having a dog can be more work then having a kid.