After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, whichconveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form with what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.):
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in ****pit. S: Something tightened in ****pit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. (Distance Measuring equipment) S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in ****pit. S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
Airline Mechanics (funny)
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Kaioshin1982
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leftovercrizack
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CA18_Dreams
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drifter sx
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although i prolly shouldn have laughed out loud...Big Iron engine and airplane company announced the first flight of the new Razzle 200 airliner. Chief test pilot Frank Lee Candid emerged from the c0ckpit shaken, dripping with sweat. He tried to muster a smile for the cameras and blurted out, "Damn, I'm happy to be alive."
Regaining his composure, he said the airplane flew "well, and the test was nearly according to plan." The only deviations from expected flight test results were a few cases of high speed flutter and one brief but violent control hard-over, responsible for the highly theatrical snap roll seen on short final. Henri Flaque, company press agent, noted that the snap roll showed the inherent strength of the Razzle 200 airframe, holding together despite the 30% corkscrew twist of the empennage.
Aircraft systems performed "nearly flawlessly," Candid said. The sole problem was in a landing gear actuator which began an uncommanded gear retraction during what was supposed to be a simple high speed taxi run. When the gear left the runway of its own accord, Candid said he was glad for the opportunity to check out the 200's handling. The approach was delayed briefly while the landing gear extended and retracted itself a number of times until the hydraulic power unit burned out, fortunately with the gear in a generally "down" position.
The new Thruster KY-20 turbofan was praised for retaining most of its parts during the test flight. "That's one rugged engine," Flaque said. Candid noted the fuel consumption was "frightening", adding that checks were being made to assure that the fuel did flow through the engine and not out of a large hole in the tank. Smoke emissions were said to be well below Pittsburgh Valley standards.
Several questions to Candid had to be repeated at a louder volume, a problem Candid laughingly dismissed to a minor, temporary deafness caused by some "harmonic resonances and vibrations" experienced in the c0ckpit . A slight window seal leak which sucked the cigarettes out of his shirt pocket was the only other c0ckpit environment problem.
Candid, apparently thinking about his experiences, was still chuckling under his breath, slowly and quietly, when asked whether he had considered using the ejection seat, specially installed for the test program. he seemed at that moment to remember the ejection handle still in his rigidly clenched left hand, a few multicolored wires dangling From the end. Smiling sickly, he held it up for all to see, his hand trembling from the muscle tension. "Guess I'm lucky this baby didn't fire," he admitted. "We made the parachute, too."
Regaining his composure, he said the airplane flew "well, and the test was nearly according to plan." The only deviations from expected flight test results were a few cases of high speed flutter and one brief but violent control hard-over, responsible for the highly theatrical snap roll seen on short final. Henri Flaque, company press agent, noted that the snap roll showed the inherent strength of the Razzle 200 airframe, holding together despite the 30% corkscrew twist of the empennage.
Aircraft systems performed "nearly flawlessly," Candid said. The sole problem was in a landing gear actuator which began an uncommanded gear retraction during what was supposed to be a simple high speed taxi run. When the gear left the runway of its own accord, Candid said he was glad for the opportunity to check out the 200's handling. The approach was delayed briefly while the landing gear extended and retracted itself a number of times until the hydraulic power unit burned out, fortunately with the gear in a generally "down" position.
The new Thruster KY-20 turbofan was praised for retaining most of its parts during the test flight. "That's one rugged engine," Flaque said. Candid noted the fuel consumption was "frightening", adding that checks were being made to assure that the fuel did flow through the engine and not out of a large hole in the tank. Smoke emissions were said to be well below Pittsburgh Valley standards.
Several questions to Candid had to be repeated at a louder volume, a problem Candid laughingly dismissed to a minor, temporary deafness caused by some "harmonic resonances and vibrations" experienced in the c0ckpit . A slight window seal leak which sucked the cigarettes out of his shirt pocket was the only other c0ckpit environment problem.
Candid, apparently thinking about his experiences, was still chuckling under his breath, slowly and quietly, when asked whether he had considered using the ejection seat, specially installed for the test program. he seemed at that moment to remember the ejection handle still in his rigidly clenched left hand, a few multicolored wires dangling From the end. Smiling sickly, he held it up for all to see, his hand trembling from the muscle tension. "Guess I'm lucky this baby didn't fire," he admitted. "We made the parachute, too."
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Get240DiZzY
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MrFox wrote:"Guess I'm lucky this baby didn't fire," he admitted. "We made the parachute, too."
HAHA, I'm laughing so much it hurts, owow! HHAHA!http://www.geocities.com/panganima/laugh.html
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Movingviolation240
- Posts: 1681
- Joined: Thu Apr 25, 2002 2:26 pm
- Car: '95 Nissan 240SX 400hp SR20DET -SOLD
'93 Lexus SC300 w/ SP66 turbo kit
this is a ture story (or so it's told)
Back in the early '60's a Pan Am pilot (Clipper XXX) flew into Hamburg Germany. The controllers there are well known for being jerks and wanting everybody to be 'quick and effecient' in getting off the runways and down the taxiways to the gates. This captian, on his first trip in the new 747 was taking it easy getting off the runway because he was not used to driving such a large airplane. After making the turnoff and switching to ground control he got his taxi instructions. To make sure he knew where he was going he paused a moment to check his taxiway diagram (map) before he started to move. The controller got an attitude and after explaining to the pilot 'how things were done here' asked "Clipper XXX have you ever been to Hamburg before?" The pilot replied in his most calm collected 'captian' voice "once back in '44 but we didn't stop"
WHY I WANT TO BE A PILOT
When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days.
Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments.
I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.
Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared it it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.
Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.
The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.
I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.
— purported to have been written by a fifth grade student at Jefferson School, Beaufort, SC. It was first published in the South Carolina Aviation News.
This time up in the Himalayas where we had been stranded for days. Each day we would head down to the airfield only to be told the plane could not take off. Finally on a day the weather was slightly better the chief of police informed us as follows:The allocated pilot for today is the best pilot in Nepal, don't worry, he will take the risk.
— Tim Stuart, Great Aviation Quotes reader
This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. They can conserve fuel by ejecting husky passengers over water. They can ram competing planes in mid-air. These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with amazingly low fares, such as $29. Of course, certain restrictions do apply, the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.
— Dave Barry, 'Iowa -- Land of Secure Vacations.
Aviation Dictionary
Airspeed: Speed of an airplane. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy pilot.
Bank: The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.
Cone of Confusion: An area about the size of New Jersey, located near the final approach beacon at an airport.
Crab: The squadron Ops Officer.
Dead Reckoning: You reckon correctly, or you are.
Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.
Firewall: Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the ****pit.
Glide Distance: Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Hydroplane: An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.
IFR: A method of flying by needle and ripcord.
Lean Mixture: Nonalcoholic beer
Nanosecond: Time delay built into the stall warning system.
Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
Range: Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy's promotion party.
Roger: Used when you're not sure what else to say.
Service Ceiling: Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.
Spoilers: The Federal Aviation Administration.
Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why you car payment is late.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.S = The solution logged by the mechanic.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.S: Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn.
P: Mouse in ****pit.S: Cat installed.
P: Radio switches stickS: Peanut butter no longer served to flight crew
P: Screaming sound in cabin at start-upS: Company accountant deplaned
P: Funny smell in ****pitS: Pilot told to change cologne
P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weightS: Aircraft put on diet of 92 octane
P: #3 engine knocks at idleS: #3 engine let in for a few beers
P: #3 engine runs like it's sickS: #3 engine diagnosed with hangover
P: Brakes howl on applicationS: Don't step on 'em so hard!
P: Radio sounds like a squealing pigS: Removed pig from radio. BBQ behind hangar tomorrow
P: Whole aircraft smells like BBQS: Ground Checks OK
P: First class cabin floor has a squeakS: Co-pilot told not to play with toddler toys in cabin anymore
P: Electrical governor is brokeS: Paid off governor's debt to Jimmy "The Fish" Galvano
Back in the early '60's a Pan Am pilot (Clipper XXX) flew into Hamburg Germany. The controllers there are well known for being jerks and wanting everybody to be 'quick and effecient' in getting off the runways and down the taxiways to the gates. This captian, on his first trip in the new 747 was taking it easy getting off the runway because he was not used to driving such a large airplane. After making the turnoff and switching to ground control he got his taxi instructions. To make sure he knew where he was going he paused a moment to check his taxiway diagram (map) before he started to move. The controller got an attitude and after explaining to the pilot 'how things were done here' asked "Clipper XXX have you ever been to Hamburg before?" The pilot replied in his most calm collected 'captian' voice "once back in '44 but we didn't stop"
WHY I WANT TO BE A PILOT
When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days.
Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments.
I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.
Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared it it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.
Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.
The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.
I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.
— purported to have been written by a fifth grade student at Jefferson School, Beaufort, SC. It was first published in the South Carolina Aviation News.
This time up in the Himalayas where we had been stranded for days. Each day we would head down to the airfield only to be told the plane could not take off. Finally on a day the weather was slightly better the chief of police informed us as follows:The allocated pilot for today is the best pilot in Nepal, don't worry, he will take the risk.
— Tim Stuart, Great Aviation Quotes reader
This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. They can conserve fuel by ejecting husky passengers over water. They can ram competing planes in mid-air. These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with amazingly low fares, such as $29. Of course, certain restrictions do apply, the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.
— Dave Barry, 'Iowa -- Land of Secure Vacations.
Aviation Dictionary
Airspeed: Speed of an airplane. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy pilot.
Bank: The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.
Cone of Confusion: An area about the size of New Jersey, located near the final approach beacon at an airport.
Crab: The squadron Ops Officer.
Dead Reckoning: You reckon correctly, or you are.
Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.
Firewall: Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the ****pit.
Glide Distance: Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.
Hydroplane: An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.
IFR: A method of flying by needle and ripcord.
Lean Mixture: Nonalcoholic beer
Nanosecond: Time delay built into the stall warning system.
Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.
Range: Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.
Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy's promotion party.
Roger: Used when you're not sure what else to say.
Service Ceiling: Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.
Spoilers: The Federal Aviation Administration.
Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why you car payment is late.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.S = The solution logged by the mechanic.
P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P: Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.S: Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn.
P: Mouse in ****pit.S: Cat installed.
P: Radio switches stickS: Peanut butter no longer served to flight crew
P: Screaming sound in cabin at start-upS: Company accountant deplaned
P: Funny smell in ****pitS: Pilot told to change cologne
P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weightS: Aircraft put on diet of 92 octane
P: #3 engine knocks at idleS: #3 engine let in for a few beers
P: #3 engine runs like it's sickS: #3 engine diagnosed with hangover
P: Brakes howl on applicationS: Don't step on 'em so hard!
P: Radio sounds like a squealing pigS: Removed pig from radio. BBQ behind hangar tomorrow
P: Whole aircraft smells like BBQS: Ground Checks OK
P: First class cabin floor has a squeakS: Co-pilot told not to play with toddler toys in cabin anymore
P: Electrical governor is brokeS: Paid off governor's debt to Jimmy "The Fish" Galvano
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Movingviolation240
- Posts: 1681
- Joined: Thu Apr 25, 2002 2:26 pm
- Car: '95 Nissan 240SX 400hp SR20DET -SOLD
'93 Lexus SC300 w/ SP66 turbo kit
and here's a few revisions of the poem High Flight
Glider Flight
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of ropeA few feet from "The Road".I whip the Schweitzer 'round so fastExceeds the max'mum load.I've slipped, I've stalled, I've spiral dived,Spun past the sixth full turn."You can't do that!" the new ones say,They've got a lot to learn.I find a thermal, turn in itTo try and gain some height.But I must beat the towplane downOr this is my last flight!On 2-3 fly a crooked baseThen crank the plane around.Or 2-9: pass the hangars then I dive straight for the ground!But the best is 3-6 final when I know I should be higher,Put out my hand and touch The passing telephone wire!
ATP High Flight
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of gate timesAnd held rigid by impossible air traffic controllers;Upward I’ve climbed and joined the congested skiesOf fixes, missed approaches and done hundred thingsMy passenger did not care for – delays, turbulence, and heldIn the holding pattern low on fuel. Waiting there,I’ve chased the schedules, and flung Myself against management and union rules.Up, up the long ascent in seniority list.I’ve topped and gone to the next aircraftHoping that I do not get furloughed.And, while with worried mind I’ve trodThe difficult sanctity of regulation,Waiting for the FAA inspector who is God.
— Brian Caver, in honor of Phillip Valente, Captain American Eagle Airlines.
Low Flight (1)
Oh! I've slipped through the swirling clouds of dust, a few feet from the dirt,I've flown the Phantom low enough, to make my bottom hurt.I've TFO'd the deserts, hills, valleys and mountains too,Frolicked in the trees, where only flying squirrels flew.Chased the frightened cows along, disturbed the ram and ewe,And done a hundred other things, that you'd not care to do.I've smacked the tiny sparrow, bluebird, robin, all the rest,I've ingested baby eaglets, simply sucked them from their nest!I've streaked through total darkness, just the other guy and me,And spent the night in terror of things I could not see.I've turned my eyes to heaven, as I sweated through the flight,Put out my hand and touched, the master caution light.
Low Flight (2)
Oh, I've slipped the surely bonds of earth And hovered out of ground effect on semi-rigid blades;Earthward I've auto'ed and met the rising brush of Non-paved terrain; And done a thousand things you would never care toSkidded and dropped and flared Low in the heat soaked roar. Confined there, I've chased the earthbound trafficAnd lost the race to insignificant Headwinds; Forward and up a little in ground effect I've topped the General's hedge with drooping turnsWhere never Skyhawk or even Phantom flew. Shaking and pulling collective,I've lumbered The low untresspassed halls of victor airways, Put out my hand and touched a tree.
High Flight, with FAA Supplement
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth(1), And danced(2) the skies on laughter silvered wings;Sunward I've climbed(3) and joined the tumbling mirth(4) Of sun-split clouds(5) and done a hundred things(6)You have not dreamed of — Wheeled and soared and swung(7) High in the sunlit silence(8). Hov'ring there(9)I've chased the shouting wind(10) along and flung(11) My eager craft through footless halls of air.Up, up the long delirious(12), burning blue I've topped the wind-swept heights(13) with easy grace,Where never lark, or even eagle(14) flew; And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trodThe high untrespassed sanctity of space(15), Put out my hand(16), and touched the face of God.
NOTE:
1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted.2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulderbelts as provided.3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors.7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.9. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorological conditions and visibility.16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.
CRUISE FLIGHT
— Rob Robinette
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of my spouse And danced the clubs on Kiwi-polished boots;Moonward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of moon-split clouds — and done a hundred thingsYou have not dreamed of — in the Philippines High in the domelit silence. Holding there,I've scared the airsick pax, and flung their baggage through footless halls of air. Up, up the long, delirious, burning blackI've topped the turbulent heights with little grace Where never C-130, or even C-5 flew.And, while with fuzzy, sleep deprived mind I've trod The high untrespassed sanctity of controlled airspace,Put out my hand, and touched the face of The Aircraft Commander, who thinks he is God.
A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much as tries to touch the controls; the pilot's one remaining job is to feed the dog. Many aviation veterans have heard the joke so many times that is possible to tell those in the audience new to the industry by their laughter.
— Gary Stix, in Scientific American, July 1991
Glider Flight
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of ropeA few feet from "The Road".I whip the Schweitzer 'round so fastExceeds the max'mum load.I've slipped, I've stalled, I've spiral dived,Spun past the sixth full turn."You can't do that!" the new ones say,They've got a lot to learn.I find a thermal, turn in itTo try and gain some height.But I must beat the towplane downOr this is my last flight!On 2-3 fly a crooked baseThen crank the plane around.Or 2-9: pass the hangars then I dive straight for the ground!But the best is 3-6 final when I know I should be higher,Put out my hand and touch The passing telephone wire!
ATP High Flight
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of gate timesAnd held rigid by impossible air traffic controllers;Upward I’ve climbed and joined the congested skiesOf fixes, missed approaches and done hundred thingsMy passenger did not care for – delays, turbulence, and heldIn the holding pattern low on fuel. Waiting there,I’ve chased the schedules, and flung Myself against management and union rules.Up, up the long ascent in seniority list.I’ve topped and gone to the next aircraftHoping that I do not get furloughed.And, while with worried mind I’ve trodThe difficult sanctity of regulation,Waiting for the FAA inspector who is God.
— Brian Caver, in honor of Phillip Valente, Captain American Eagle Airlines.
Low Flight (1)
Oh! I've slipped through the swirling clouds of dust, a few feet from the dirt,I've flown the Phantom low enough, to make my bottom hurt.I've TFO'd the deserts, hills, valleys and mountains too,Frolicked in the trees, where only flying squirrels flew.Chased the frightened cows along, disturbed the ram and ewe,And done a hundred other things, that you'd not care to do.I've smacked the tiny sparrow, bluebird, robin, all the rest,I've ingested baby eaglets, simply sucked them from their nest!I've streaked through total darkness, just the other guy and me,And spent the night in terror of things I could not see.I've turned my eyes to heaven, as I sweated through the flight,Put out my hand and touched, the master caution light.
Low Flight (2)
Oh, I've slipped the surely bonds of earth And hovered out of ground effect on semi-rigid blades;Earthward I've auto'ed and met the rising brush of Non-paved terrain; And done a thousand things you would never care toSkidded and dropped and flared Low in the heat soaked roar. Confined there, I've chased the earthbound trafficAnd lost the race to insignificant Headwinds; Forward and up a little in ground effect I've topped the General's hedge with drooping turnsWhere never Skyhawk or even Phantom flew. Shaking and pulling collective,I've lumbered The low untresspassed halls of victor airways, Put out my hand and touched a tree.
High Flight, with FAA Supplement
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth(1), And danced(2) the skies on laughter silvered wings;Sunward I've climbed(3) and joined the tumbling mirth(4) Of sun-split clouds(5) and done a hundred things(6)You have not dreamed of — Wheeled and soared and swung(7) High in the sunlit silence(8). Hov'ring there(9)I've chased the shouting wind(10) along and flung(11) My eager craft through footless halls of air.Up, up the long delirious(12), burning blue I've topped the wind-swept heights(13) with easy grace,Where never lark, or even eagle(14) flew; And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trodThe high untrespassed sanctity of space(15), Put out my hand(16), and touched the face of God.
NOTE:
1. Pilots must insure that all surly bonds have been slipped entirely before aircraft taxi or flight is attempted.2. During periods of severe sky dancing, crew and passengers must keep seatbelts fastened. Crew should wear shoulderbelts as provided.3. Sunward climbs must not exceed the maximum permitted aircraft ceiling.4. Passenger aircraft are prohibited from joining the tumbling mirth.5. Pilots flying through sun-split clouds under VFR conditions must comply with all applicable minimum clearances.6. Do not perform these hundred things in front of Federal Aviation Administration inspectors.7. Wheeling, soaring, and swinging will not be attempted except in aircraft rated for such activities and within utility class weight limits.8. Be advised that sunlit silence will occur only when a major engine malfunction has occurred.9. "Hov'ring there" will constitute a highly reliable signal that a flight emergency is imminent.10. Forecasts of shouting winds are available from the local FSS. Encounters with unexpected shouting winds should be reported by pilots.11. Pilots flinging eager craft through footless halls of air are reminded that they alone are responsible for maintaining separation from other eager craft.12. Should any crewmember or passenger experience delirium while in the burning blue, submit an irregularity report upon flight termination.13. Windswept heights will be topped by a minimum of 1,000 feet to maintain VFR minimum separations.14. Aircraft engine ingestion of, or impact with, larks or eagles should be reported to the FAA and the appropriate aircraft maintenance facility.15. Aircraft operating in the high untresspassed sanctity of space must remain in IFR flight regardless of meteorological conditions and visibility.16. Pilots and passengers are reminded that opening doors or windows in order to touch the face of God may result in loss of cabin pressure.
CRUISE FLIGHT
— Rob Robinette
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of my spouse And danced the clubs on Kiwi-polished boots;Moonward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of moon-split clouds — and done a hundred thingsYou have not dreamed of — in the Philippines High in the domelit silence. Holding there,I've scared the airsick pax, and flung their baggage through footless halls of air. Up, up the long, delirious, burning blackI've topped the turbulent heights with little grace Where never C-130, or even C-5 flew.And, while with fuzzy, sleep deprived mind I've trod The high untrespassed sanctity of controlled airspace,Put out my hand, and touched the face of The Aircraft Commander, who thinks he is God.
A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much as tries to touch the controls; the pilot's one remaining job is to feed the dog. Many aviation veterans have heard the joke so many times that is possible to tell those in the audience new to the industry by their laughter.
— Gary Stix, in Scientific American, July 1991
* British Airways Flight Operations Department Notice *
There appears to be some confusion over the new pilot role titles. This notice will hopefully clear up any misunderstandings.
The titles P1, P2 and Co-Pilot will now cease to have any meaning, within the BA operations manuals. They are to be replaced by Handling Pilot, Non-handling Pilot, Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling Non-Landing Pilot, and Non Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot, is initially the Handling Pilot and will handle the take-off and landing except in role reversal when he is the Non-Handling Pilot for taxi until the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, hands the Handling to the Landing Pilot at eighty knots.
The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is Handling) Pilot reads the checklist to the Handling Pilot until after the Before Descent Checklist completion, when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the "decision altitude" call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Landing Pilot, unless the latter calls "go-around", in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, continues Handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues non-handling until the next call of "land" or "go-around", as appropriate.
In view of the recent confusion over these rules, it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly
There appears to be some confusion over the new pilot role titles. This notice will hopefully clear up any misunderstandings.
The titles P1, P2 and Co-Pilot will now cease to have any meaning, within the BA operations manuals. They are to be replaced by Handling Pilot, Non-handling Pilot, Handling Landing Pilot, Non-Handling Landing Pilot, Handling Non-Landing Pilot, and Non Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot, is initially the Handling Pilot and will handle the take-off and landing except in role reversal when he is the Non-Handling Pilot for taxi until the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, hands the Handling to the Landing Pilot at eighty knots.
The Non-Landing (Non-Handling, since the Landing Pilot is Handling) Pilot reads the checklist to the Handling Pilot until after the Before Descent Checklist completion, when the Handling Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Non-Landing Pilot who then becomes the Handling Non-Landing Pilot.
The Landing Pilot is the Non-Handling Pilot until the "decision altitude" call, when the Handling Non-Landing Pilot hands the handling to the Non-Handling Landing Pilot, unless the latter calls "go-around", in which case the Handling Non-Landing Pilot, continues Handling and the Non-Handling Landing Pilot continues non-handling until the next call of "land" or "go-around", as appropriate.
In view of the recent confusion over these rules, it was deemed necessary to restate them clearly