A Brief History Lesson

[marlin29311]

It's satirical, so don't get up in arms - I just thought it was funny.

For those who are easily angered over the distinction between the Dem & Rep go no further! This is humor at best if you cannot see the humor please STOP! For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were: 1. The invention of beer, and2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. The beer drinkers are drunkards and slobs who are uncouth and bullies.Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to piss them off.

[HashiriyaS14]

This is older than the hair on Moses' balls, but that doesn't mean it isn't still funny.

Good stuff.

Why can't the left come up with funny stuff like this? They/we just like to let Jon Stewart do it for them/us.

[480sx]

Hehe that was a good read. I lold.

Id write but.. Im not on any sides really. Id just be insulting most people lol.

[C-Kwik]

Why can't the left come up with funny stuff like this?

Because putting intellectual thoughts into making fun of people like this is just mean.

[telcoman]

Why can't the left come up with funny stuff like this? They/we just like to let Jon Stewart do it for them/us.

********************************************************

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. *Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

*Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

*Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds ....."

*Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely.."

*Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

*Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

*Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

*Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

*Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

*Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

**Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

[USsil80]

ohh man... so much funny.... ohh in the first one... the girlie-man should read metrosexual male...

[HashiriyaS14]

********************************************************

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. *Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

*Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

*Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds ....."

*Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely.."

*Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

*Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

*Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

*Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

*Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

*Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

**Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

^^I guess it's kinda funny in that "only barely funny" sort of way, but I can't for the life of me see what it has to do with Politics.

[hannibal]

^ Jacob and Rebecca are an old liberal Jewish couple...

[dusred]

Damn that was funny!

My Father will be all over it.