2013 QX56 review. Big, determined luxury.

[MinisterofDOOM]

A couple weeks ago, I was in Las Vegas for the ISC West conference. My company rental was to be a "Dodge Caravan or similar" so I could play chauffer. As I stood at the counter picking up my rental, I was informed that, unfortunately, the gentlemen at the other end of the counter had just gotten the last Caravan. Would I like a QX56 instead? Hell yes, I would.

So I headed upstairs to pick up my very dark purple/red/weird enormous SUV. It's big. To me it feels bigger than a Suburban, particilarly in terms of width, but that's purely a "feel" thing and I'm not sure how they really stack up. I spent three days trucking 5 other people around the Las Vegas strip and here's what I've decided:

Exterior:
I'm still not a fan of the 2nd generation QX56's looks, but I will say that the truck looks much less flamboyant in darker colors. The excessive, exaggerated bulges and senseless curves and waves in the sheetmetal are nicely disguised by whatever the Hell color my truck was. (Here's a very s*** picture I took to remember where I parked at the Sands.) The grille is still intolerable, and the fender vents are still inexcusable, but it's not an eyebleeder. I think, when cloaked in a dark color, the biggest complaint I have is the Lexusalike D-pillar which seems out of place on a big truck.

Interior:
In stark contrast to the 1st gen (much nicer looking outside) QX56, the 2nd gen has a very classy interior. It's well laid-out, ergonomics are excellent, and I was able to get completely comfortable behind the wheel (a rarity). The exception was the usual: with seat and wheel adjusted to my comfort, most of the speedometer was obscured by the steering wheel.
The center-stack is not TOO laden with buttons, and makes good use of touch screen and physical buttons combined.
The steering wheel is typical Nissan garbage. Having driven other modern Nissans, I was thrown off by the fact that the QX has supplanted the left-thumb volume controls with an infotainment D-pad. I kept screwing up my passenger's navigation inputs rather than changing the volume as intended.
The LCD display is at a good height and well-angled, but the classic Infiniti analog clock is bumped so low on the stack as to be nearly useless. (Aside: this truck reminded me just how much I miss the simplicity of a clean analog clock on my dash.)
I'm still not fond of wood trim in cars (if it's a Bentley or a Rolls, alright...if it's an Infiniti or especially a Kia, GTFO), but the QX56's was at least tasteful (and all the same, unlike the mismatched colors in my Q45). Some tasteful black or brushed aluminum would have brightened things up and added a touch of class at the cost of some pretentiousness.
The cabin felt open and comfortable without being cold or cavernous in a bad way.

Luxo-goodies:
This thing had around-view monitor, which was kind of neat. It let me get the most out of a pillar-intruded parking spot by having an overhead view of my front corner (though I could see that well enough from the driver seat as well). The back-up collision beeper was a little overaggressive and I scared my passengers on more than one occasion by disregarding it and trusting my eyes instead.
The infotainment system was reasonably straightforward to learn (though not intuitive by any means--why can we build genius smartphone UXs but not car infotainment UXs??????). The problem I encountered was trying to get the damn bluetooth to play music from my phone. It was happy to sync my contacts, enable hands-free, and use the PHONE. But my entire music library on the phone? No chance, Lance. I didn't really have a lot of time to futz with it, but it clearly needs work in terms of getting the car to do what you want rather than the car assuming you want something else in exchange for "user friendliness".

The Drive:
This truck was very pleasant to drive. I like bigger cars and spend a fair amount of time driving half-ton pickups, so I'm very comfortable with trucks of this size. But the QX goes a long way toward making things effortless. Throttle response is great but not (like many other modern Nissans I've driven) overly eager on tip-in. It's easy to be smooth. You can certainly make use of the 400hp that's on tap, but it's something that feels more "determined" than "aggressive". It's powerful and it's going somewhere but it's not the Kool-Aid man busting down walls and making a scene. Your passengers won't notice that you're on the throttle hard unless they're looking out the window.
Steering was weird. Very responsive but entirely uncommunicative. I have NEVER driven a vehicle with such numb steering in my life. It was like playing Gran Turismo with a video game steering wheel--and not even one with force feedback. I could feel the TRUCK responding quickly to my inputs, but nothing was sent back to me through the column. It was workable and honestly not unpleasant in general, but certainly lacking in terms of the driving experience I expect as an enthusiast. And when viewed in light of the hotrod engine, exhaust note, and throttle response, it seems almost out of place. Like someone got their Lexus in my BMW.
Visibility was superb. I had around-view and warning beepers and all that crap, but I never needed it. I had great hindquarter visibility on both sides, fantastic forward visibility and even, despite the sculpted backlight, great reverse visibility as well. That certainly contributed significantly to the ease with which the lumbering beast could be maneuvered through thick Las Vegas traffic on the strip.
Surprisingly, the transmission was not completely terrible. Manumatic mode was still useless as in all Nissans (no 3rd-gear crawl through strip traffic like I can do in my LS8). But it shifted very smoothly and tended to have about a 75% success rate at finding the right gear at the right time. There were definitely some "alright, the pedal's down, let's find some more torque" moments, but it still managed to be lightyears ahead of the utterly scat-tastic Nissan automatics I've endured through my automotive career. It's got nothing on my LS8's 5R55S, though. And being better than older Nissan autos is not a compliment. I genuinely believe Nissan has made the worst automatic transmissions in the history of the automobile. But at least this time I wasn't constantly reminded of that fact.

The exhaust note was very pleasant (no AJV8 or SBC, but still very pleasant) with the volume tuned almost EXACTLY right for balancing cabin quietness with enthusiast pleasure.

I could very easily enjoy owning a QX56 even despite its questionable styling. It'd have to be a 4th or 5th vehicle because I certainly have zero need for a luxury SUV (or really any SUV at all). But it's a great people-hauler and fuel economy matched or exceeded that of my LS8 over the short distance (not even a full tank) I drove in it. It's not hard to park or maneuver and is very easy to get into and out of (even the third row). It's a very unintimidtating monster. All the benefits of the size but fairly successful at disguising the drawbacks.

[PapaSmurf2k3]

I didn't know LS8s had the 5R55... interesting.

[float_6969]

Nice review, thanks!

[MinisterofDOOM]

I didn't know LS8s had the 5R55... interesting.

Is the 5R55 a BorgWarner trans?

[PapaSmurf2k3]

Don't believe so, however that was one of the first aftermarket programs that I worked on. It had already been launched (poorly) when I started, so we made some manufacturing and product revisions to get it more competitive.
It was a very important program though. We took lessons learned and applied them to the 42-48RE Chrysler aftermarket program, which was/continues to be the most successful aftermarket program that plant has ever had (as far as I know) in terms of market share and profit margin

[Jesda]

QX is the most pleasurable full-size SUV I've ever driven -- and I've driven all of them.

It's nicer in the hands than LX and Escalade, driving more like a big sedan than a house on wheels. It's roomier than the Range Rover and GL with more advanced gadgets. It's parkable even in the heart of Chicago thanks to the birdseye camera.

But man, it sure is ugly. Just butt freaking ugly, like something Pontiac would have come up with in the 90s if they had the opportunity to 'style' a GMT.