I have a cop on my front porch.
I stepped out on the porch so I could shut the door and establish the barrier.
"sir, one of your neighbors found a spent shell casing in the gutter and we are talking to everyone to see if they heard or saw anything."
I didn't hear or see anything so I couldn't help. It was a 9mm so I guess someone could have fired it without waking anyone up. He took my name, Scientist The M. and went on his way. How exciting, potential gun play in my hood. I feel like Ice Cube, but probably am more like Tom Hanks.
I went out shopping, but I will tell these out of sequence and you will see why I think. When I return home, again, knock on the door. "Cool my stuff!" I think running to the door. Nope. I got a dude standing ten steps away from my front door.
"you seen that van parked there before" he asks pointing a little ways up the street. I look wondering if this might have something to do with my earlier front porch conversation and reply "no."
"well we are selling meat and if you,," "no thanks man" I reply before he can finish his spiel. Door to door meat, that's new. The van looks professional and it appears legit, though. I guess this is not unusual these days?
So warping back in time to when I was out, because this is the best story; I was sitting at a light. A busted a** Chevy Celebrity station wagon pulls up next to me. I look over and there is a squirrely-lookin dude in it staring at me. He looked like a white trash Ron Howard. He waves at me. I turn away and move a bit forward so we aren't next to each other anymore. I don't like establishing traffic relationships with strange dudes.
This guy moves up too! I look over and there he is eyeballin me again. He motions for me to roll down the passenger window, he's to me right. Now I am wondering if today was the wrong day to leave my gun at home. I measure him up, he doesn't look like a legitimate threat, but he is oozing a very strange vibe and whatever he wants is going to be odd, but unlikely dangerous. I roll down the window and in a very unfriendly tone inconsistent with the words used say "what's up?"
Friends. I'm pushing 40 years on this earth. I've seen and/or participated in some off the wall things, most of them ill-advised, some illegal and many potentially dangerous. I don't consider myself that daring or worldly-wise, but I'm no babe in the woods by any stretch. It takes quite a bit to shock me anymore. He said it so easy and matter-of-fact, though, that it was indeed impressive and I was completely dumbfounded.
"you wanna jerk off?"
My mind went
I must say, that is a first. I can normally be a smartass under any condition. I've cracked jokes while getting a hernia exam; I don't embarrass. All I could muster was a curt "No."
He drove away with much the same "oki-doki" detachment that the door to door meat salesman did later today. Maybe all meat sellers are unflappable? Neither seemed to be all that put out that I had no interest in their respective products.
My mind then went
I got a gross me out shiver and immediately felt violated in some way. That passed and I got my mental acuity back and started to wonder, how did he picture that going down? Do people just hook up in traffic with strangers and park in alleys and do, well, that's the next question. What does that even mean? Who's pounding pud, me, him, both of us? Is it like that scene in Boogie Nights "don't talk, I'm trying to concentrate." I'm morbidly curious.
My amateur sociological questions gave way to concern for the public and I thought about calling the cops, but then I put it in perspective. He could be hanging out by a playground trying to snatch some kid, but he isn't. He's propositioning full grown men in traffic who can rebuff his advances easily and might I add he has impeccable taste in man meat; I'm a dish for sure.
Now I think about all the gutless guys who can't talk to women. You spineless p******. How much game does it take to roll up on another guy in traffic and proposition them cold like that? No "hi, I'm Tim, you have nice eyes, may I inquire as to your degree of interest in joining me in a spirited if somewhat uncommon form of male competition?" Some people can't walk across the club and ask a girl to dance who chances are came there to be asked just that with the only danger being rejection and possible embarrassment. Weak.
This dude was risking anything from simply being arrested to a vicious beating quite unlike the one he had in mind or even being killed if the person in the other car happened to be homicidally homophobic. All that danger just for that wisp of a chance that the other guy might be down for some male bonding behind the WalMart loading dock.
That, my fine friends is a self-starter destined for big things.
I wonder if this is how women feel after walking past a construction site.
Or in your case, propositions to bang.
Epic story telling by the way! 
