can anyone for the love of God tell me definitively which side of the clutch disc faces which way?
my original disk has markings on the flat side that saysCAR T/M SIDE and the aftermarket disc i put in I installed with the 'hat' or collar facing towards the engine- it worked perfectly fine for 400 miles then shredded the pressure plate side friction material. it was all dry as a bone- no leaking oil or gear oil- and the pressure plate shows no overheating or scorch marks or any damage really. the disc is a flat design with no springs- just a 1" or so 'collar' on one side and flat on the other side. the collar sits nicely in the flywheel and is flat against the flywheel.

On the OE clutch plates the damper (raised portion with the sleeve) goes toward the engine, but a lot of aftermarket ones have the damper oriented toward the pressure plate. If you go aftermarket, you pretty much need to consult the manufacturer's instructions. This vid has some pretty good views of how the OE plate orients (it's a Sentra but the same setup):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ErIdSC5h7w

my 'aftermarket' one is basically identical to the OEM but the Amazon seller was consistently telling me the damper needed to face outward. i found the manufacturer (Clutchmax) instructions and it states that the damper side is the flywheel side as you stated above.

i just realized the damper itself isnt part of the release mechanism for the clutch disc so the orientation is mostly about vibration. but if i get a Valeo OEM clutch disc then the orientation should be as you described above- the flat disc side facing pressure plate and the hat facing into the flywheel