Old dog here too. Pushing 70, but I'd call any day when I don't learn something new a waste of life.
To dim with the headlamps lit you need a second relay, a 5-pin SPDT type. The "Bosch Box" types are the same price in 4-pin or 5-pin style, so just get a pair of 5's. Here's how I'd wire it, assuming a separate fused source for 12V from anyplace:
Relay 1:
30: Fused 12V source
85: Fuel Pump circuit
86: Ground
87: Relay 2 pin 30
87a: Unused
Relay 2:
30: Relay 1 pin 87
85: Low Beam circuit
86: Ground
87: Dimming resistor end 1
87a: Dimming resistor end 2
and DRL's
The way relay 2 will work is by using both throws, normally open (87) and normally closed (87a). When there's no power to the coil 30 connects to 87a, when the coil is powered 30 connects to 87. So when the low beams are off the dimming resistor will be "jumped out" by the NC contact for full brightness. When you turn them on, the shortcut is eliminated and current is forced through the dimmer from pin 87.
The value you'll need for the resistor is
highly dependent on the LEDs' characteristics, so you shouldn't guess. Most LED's are highly non-linear with regard to current-vs-brightness, so you may need a much higher resistance than one might expect. However, the needed wattage will depend on how much current they draw with
no resistance. So measure that first (current x at supply voltage y), then I can advise you on a potentiometer with enough power rating to experiment for brightness.