12 reasons to vote Republican (funny)

[srellim234]

This letter to the editor appeared in the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin newspaper here. I removed the writer's name and city. It's intended as a joke, so please, Republicans and Democrats, take it as such, enjoy the laughs, and don't get serious about it. Have a sense of humor for a change!

Twelve reasons why I'm voting Republican in November:

1. I don't want my hard-earned tax dollars spent on those in need, like seniors, the homeless, or people without health care. Not when we have wars to fight and people to convert. Those tanks and body bags are expensive, you know.

2. I think we should give up our freedom of speech by passing laws like "The Patriot Act." Every real American should be willing to have their phones tapped as part of their patriotic duty to their "Fatherland."

3. I believe we should stay in Iraq until every last Muslim accepts our democratic (Christian) way of life, even if it takes 100 years. You tell them, Mr. McCain!

4. I believe our bottom-line profits are more important then a few meaningless creatures. If they were important to God, He would have given them guns like us. They don't serve any real purpose anyway!

5. I agree that we should drill for oil offshore and in Alaska. If the fish and wildlife don't like it, we can move them to reservations.

6. Our government has a right to pass anti-abortion laws. Women should understand that the Republicans know what is best for their bodies. It's not like we need to limit our population. But if we did, the Republicans have a great plan. It's called war! So ladies, do your duty and have your babies. We will need them for our future wars.

7. I believe no death row inmate has a right to appeal. (Where is that in our constitution anyway?) If it's good enough for Mr. Bush and Texas, then it's good enough for me!

8. No business should be forced to give any benefits to its workers no matter how much it makes off them. (Let them eat cake!)

9. The Republicans are the only ones that should be allowed to interpret our Constitution because, after all, Lincoln was a Republican.

10. I believe every "American" should own a few guns because if Iraq ever invades us, our nuclear missiles may not be enough to stop them.

11. The Republicans will stop those gay people from making our children gay.

12. And finally, I am voting Republican in November because in the past month gas dropped to under $4 per gallon.

Vote Republican in November. Keep the status quo.

P.S. God help us all. I mean, God bless America!

[dusred]

LOL! That was good.

If you want to have a little debate I'd be glad to clear a few of those wonderful jokes for ya .

[APEXi240]

11. The Republicans will stop those gay people from making our children gay.

I thought that one was funny.

I expect this thread to get heated in no less than 5 more posts.

[dusred]

I thought that one was funny.

I expect this thread to get heated in no less than 5 more posts.

You're prolly right. I was thinking about making one about 20 reasons to vote for the Dem's but as a general rule Democrats are quite emotional.

[AZhitman]

Yeah you don't want any of the lefties cutting themselves.

p.s. That was freakin' funny, Stev-O.

[smockers83]

You're prolly right. I was thinking about making one about 20 reasons to vote for the Dem's but as a general rule Democrats are quite emotional.

EMO You'd add to the traffic of MySpace and posted YouTube videos, that's for sure.

[S13_love]

I thought #2 was pretty funny...QFT?

[dusred]

EMO You'd add to the traffic of MySpace and posted YouTube videos, that's for sure.

Hey, this is a JOKE thread. Chill.