HUMOR

[Romeo_rus]

Ok, I don't know if you will understand it, but I translated (as correct as I could) a little russian article, which is pretty funny in russian... I apologize for grammar mistakes...so here it is:

One morning of a TUNED CAR.

*ECU: CAS, what is going on over there? *CAS: wait… wait… aaaaaand NOW!!!*ECU: If I’m not mistaken it is time to piss some fuel into 4th cylinder… Injector #4 OPEN!!! And what do we have on out fuel maps??? Hmmmm. Bingo! Open for 2 milliseconds!!!*Injector #4: Here we go!!! Damn, almost nothing is coming out!!! *ECU: F**K !!! Increasing the voltage to the fuel pump. That dumb a$$ tuner tightened the FPR up to 30PSI.. Why do I have to solve his mistakes???Injector #4: OH YEAR… I’m coming! I’m coming!!!*ECU: Coil get charged up!!!*Coil: yessir!!!*ECU: On my mark!!! Get ready!!! And shoot!!!!!*Spark plug: Got a contact! *O2 sensor: cough! Cough! Are you f^&ing crazy over there!!! Don’t F^&*ing put so much fuel!!!*ECU: WHAT? It is not my F%^&ING fault!!! Everything is according to the tuners fuel maps!!!*O2sensor: We need to make some adjustments here…*ECU: Impossible. The programmer , a$$hole, did not make an algorithm of self-adjusting… Let me blink him with the CEL… And let him deal with it…*CAT Converter: Holy crap!!! I will die soon working like that!*ECU: are you still here??? I thought that you were cut off!!!*O2 sensor: I’m glad that they deleted the second O2 sensor and installed some kind of resistor… That OBD2 sh*t was pissing me off!!!*ECU: WHAT DO YOU MEAN RESISTOR???!!! F*CK!!! Why didn’t I know??? I thought that was your sister!!!!*O2 sensor: yeah life is mean.*ECU: CRAP! While we were talking I missed other 3 cylinders to command… CAS report the situation!!!*CAS: situation –situation… nothing is going on – we are stall!!!*Starter: OH NO! NOT AGAIN!!!! It was the one freaking time when we started without any problems… Battery, how do you feel?*Battery: It is cold as hell here, and I’m tired*ECU: IAV what is the temperature outside?*IAV: 32 degrees*ECU: DAMN!!!! THAT'S COLD!!!*Battery: Starter, I don’t know how you feel, but I feel like s***. I’m dying… It feels worse than to have a subwoofer on with the engine turned off. *Radio: Hey man… You are lucky that he hasn’t bought a nice AMP with a bigger SUBWOOFER!*Subwoofer: I do my best…*ECU: hey guys shut him up, we have a more important business to do…*Radio: OK… ok…*Battery: Ok, I feel a little bit better… HEY!!! HEY!!! DON’T TOUCH ME WITH THOSE CABLES!!!! HEY HEY!!! WRONG!!! BLACK TO GROUND AND RED TO POSITIVE!!! WOW!!! I thought he was going to mess up! GOOD!!! I FEEL MUCH BETTER!!!*TPS: Hey ECU I’m ready! let’s try again!*IACV: It is not your turn, relax.*ECU: IACV, you helped last time (sarcastic), so shut the F^$K up!!! Lets go!*Starter: It is so hard…*ECU: I bet, it is 32 degrees and the tuner put 10W40…*Starter: Ok, lets try it again…*CAS: OK, it is time to suck some air…*MAF: Are you insane??? You are taking too much air!!!*ECU: TPS, how are you doing there?*TPS: everything is OK*ECU: I hope air won’t go back…*TPS: I don’t give a sh*t!*ECU: Hey, fuel pump… pump it faster or I will give some more juice!*Battery: HEHE!!! No, you won’t!!! the other car died too.*ECU: THIS IS THE MOST F*&%ED UP MORNING IN MY LIFE!!! No wonder I had a nightmare about Reflashing, new tunes… Hey injectors are you still sleeping, piss some fuel!!!*Injectors: How much??? Does anyone know???*MAF, O2 sensor,ECU (all together) : I don’t know… the more the better*Spark plugs: are you crazy or something??? We will flood!!!*ECU: F#%K OFF!!! COIL, GET READY – SHOOT!!!*O2 sensor: hmmm… I guess it is getting better*ECU: Hey Turbo! What is going on there?*Turbo: IDK, I’m working… hey wastegate, what do we have there?*Wastegate: it is cool! 8 psi*Pistons: HOW MUCH??? It feels like 12 psi*Wastegate: quit making noise p******, you are forged*Knock sensor: WHO IS MAKING NOISE!!! ECU ADJUST TIMING!!*ECU: Piss off… everything is alright with timing, but the tuner spent all his money to buy a stupid body kit, and put 89 octane gas.*Fuel pump: +1*ECU: whatever! CAS report status!*CAS: 700 rpm… and slowing down*ECU: Why??? What a F&^K is going on again???*Fuel level: OUT OF GAS!!*ECU: FUEL PUMP, WHAT DID YOU PUMP???*Fuel pump: I had some in lines…*Piston #4: My ringlands are f*&Ed up… I need to be replaced*Body Kit: it is not gonna happen… HEHEHE
Modified by Romeo_rus at 10:44 PM 2/2/2010

[liteemup39496]

i LOL'ed

heres one for everyone

copied from wordorigins.com relating to the phrase " it goes like a raped ape"original link at bottom

"I tried another forum and didn’t get any answers and, after finding your site, I’ve realized that I was likely better off starting my quest here. Here is a quote of my initial question:

I’ve scoured the internet and am just about ready to email the language department over at Oxford to find the answer to this question.

What is the origin of the phrase in the topic? It means to go really quickly. It is sometimes used as “goes like a raped ape up a tree.”

There are a number of instances where it can be seen in conversational English but I’m not able to find any print references to date the origin either.

(I’m not kidding, this is really something I’m quite curious about. So, if you know or are willing to join in on my mission of discovery then thank you in advance.)

The reply:

“Raped ape” is not that common in the United States any longer, but was more common a few decades ago. I believe that it was slang in the Second World War. I’ve never heard the expression you used, and have always heard it used in the context of “lucky"---"he made out like a raped ape.”

My response to that:

I wonder if, perhaps, it has changed in its meaning (as the English language is wont to do) and where this change occurred. Here are some examples of it being used to mean going rapidly:

http://search.live.com/results...=QBRE

This is surely an odd question but the question stemmed from a conversation of conversion which, honestly, was an absurd question in the first place. The original question was, “How fast does a raped ape go and how many horsepower are in a raped ape.”

Lacking an official answer I have postulated that 1 RA is equal to 350 HP because a 350 V8 powered automobile certainly goes like a raped ape. But, the origin of the phrase is still unknown and this is a mystery that must be solved.

So, well, if anyone can assist me with the mystery (after this my life will surely be complete) I would appreciate it a great deal. "

http://www.wordorigins.org/ind...d/309/

[ghx407]

The original question was, “How fast does a raped ape go and how many horsepower are in a raped ape.”

Lacking an official answer I have postulated that 1 RA is equal to 350 HP because a 350 V8 powered automobile certainly goes like a raped ape. But, the origin of the phrase is still unknown and this is a mystery that must be solved.

LMAO

[WDRacing]

I say "goes like a raped ape" and similar phrases all the time...way to make me feel old

[Chris28]

I say "goes like a raped ape" and similar phrases all the time...way to make me feel old

Wait...you aren't a WWII veteran?

[WDRacing]

[Romeo_rus]

HAHAHA!!!

[pancho y onions]

That was funny SH$T

[trackslut240]

so how much hp does a raped ape have??

[WDRacing]

Bout 498 to the wheels...duh.

[Romeo_rus]

[Chris28]

Hahaha this is why I enjoy the ka-t forums.

[GTR PrYdE]

The first post was FULL of WIN! I laughed my a$$ off. Thanks for sharing!

BTW, I think my ka-t has 1 RA to the crank

[liteemup39496]

lol i found this while trying to explain to someone who apparently has never heard the term "goes like a raped ape"

glad others could share my LOL