Post by
RicerX »
https://forums.nicoclub.com/ricerx-u125542.html
Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:36 pm
I want so badly to help everyone understand exactly what is happening here.
Let me tell you wonderful NICOclub people the tragic story of a man. A young man. An intelligent man. A man of many talents - he invests and flips. A combination of Warren Buffett and Shawn Johnson. Financial juggernaut and Olympic Gold Medalist all wrapped up in a nice Ohio-homegrown version of Justin Bieber! The world is his playground. His name... is Charles.
While he could use his superpowers for good and befuddle the minds of those mere mortals that reside below the Mason-Dixon line, he has set his sights on something more important. Something largely more significant than the likes of controlling the world economy with a series of "knocking them down 4 racks".
Enter the 2010/2012 Nissan Altima Coupe. A behemoth of speed often mistaken for lesser cars such as the Nissan 350Z, the Nissan Altima Coupe was going to be Charles' vehicle for success in the conquering of the automotive enthusiast world.
He began enacting his plan for justice and balance, and he would start at the heart and soul of his target market - the NICO Altima forums.
YES! It would be here that he would exact his vengeance on all the people that made fun of his haircut in high school. It would be here that he could show them exactly what it is to be "cool". It would be here that he would have his final laugh.
As soon as he decided in his massive labryinth of a mind that he was to set forth on this quest for greatness, THE MODS HAVE ARRIVED.
He invested and flipped several "tuner" companies to begin building his goliath of a road machine. Tenzo, Greddy, and others. He would fool all of his onlookers initially, playing it cool and subtle. Though many of us knew what was to come. This was simply too much too fast. He began winning over unsuspecting forumers with his sly, James Bond-like ways. DJ B Easy even admits to such tomfoolery.
Unfortunately, his arch enemy, known as the "Hellaflush" gang, would begin to impede his progress. How could he conquer the hellaflush gang with his hellasunk Tenzo wheels? How about someone just answer my damn question?!
Then - it dawned on him like it has many others. The land of the rising sun would bestow upon him RAYS ENGINEERING. So many choices, colors, sizes and lugnuts! He was so impressed with his ideas to install such finely sculpted hunks of metal on his vehicle that he decided to continually reiterate this plan to the world that was watching (THE WORLD!) He would install wheels that are worth 25% of the total value of his vehicle! That would surely show the Hellaflush gang "what's good."
RAYS, ok?
Unbeknownst to many of us, this was just part of a larger plan. Somewhere in the eastern part of the United States was a BMW dealer, and a lone used 350Z that was overpriced by four racks. (FOUR. RACKS. And a busted-a** bumper, to boot) He would set his sights on this lowly machine to conquer yet another automotive faction that could spell doom for his plans - SNOWMEN OF OHIO. Surely his 350Z would help to deter the snowmen of Ohio from his precious world-conqueror Altima Coupe. And it would do it better than ANY front-wheel drive. Let us not speak about snowplows.
But as he was signing the papers for his new 350Z, he received words that the RAYS (ok?) would NOT WORK against the hellaflush gang. Instead, they would cripple the usage of his car. Now, in a panic, he raced back to his garage to concoct a solution, and forgot all about the 350Z. Luckily, he has time before the Snowmen of Ohio begin preseason play.
So RAYS, ok? Charles needed them. And needed them badly. Charles repeatedly posted about Rays, almost as if he had more questions than answers. Is it possible he had lost sight of his quest? Had he become so focused on RAYS (ok?) that he had forgotten about his need to conquer the automotive enthusiast world? He knew the world was waiting on his RAYS on his Altima! He knew it! So he thought of another plan.
Enter the Nissan GT-R. A suitable substitute for when he would become bored of the Altima.
He traveled to a dealer.
Charles looked at the pricetag.
He immediately went back home in tears. His plan would not work. In order to afford the $98,100 price tag of the vehicle (plus tax, title, and tags), he would have to sell off the Altima, the 350Z, the Tenzos, the RAYS (ok?), the coilovers, the exhaust (THE HEAT STAINED TIPS!). All of this while cutting his spending on haircare products and finding a way to earn more than $8,000 a year at Target! A daunting initiative!
Charles immediately realized the root of the entire problem behind his GT-R purchase.
He didn't own ANY of those things. If he didn't own any of them, then he couldn't sell them, and he couldn't get the GT-R?
So he devised another plan.
Delay the GT-R purchase a year, and become acquainted with Google Image Search and Instagram.
He tried for weeks to convince the masses that his plans were legitimate. He would continue his rule over the automotive enthusiast community. He would achieve his goal! His budget plan would work!
But no one believed him. Through all repeated nonsense on the forums... through all the micro-resolution instagram photos... through all of his promises... Charles proved to be nothing more than a weather man convincing people that it was going to rain RAYS(ok?) on Sundays (and ONLY Sundays!)!
Perhaps one day he would have his Rays (ok?). Perhaps one day he could fulfill his destiny. Perhaps one day he could utilize his skillset for the government of the country he so valiantly exploited through the use of social media.
Perhaps one day... Charles could make you see his goal - that it is all about the cars. He doesn't care about you.