For some reason I don't entirely understand, this particular automotive design quirk drives me nuts:
Keyless entry systems that make electronic beeps.

Keyless entry systems that honk unnecessarily are obnoxious enough. I can see the need for it in some situations, but when I park at 3am, I don't want to wake up the world just to lock my car. Fortunately, my car was designed by people with brains. It only honks if I hit the lock button twice. Hit it once, and the car quietly locks itself. Great for when, in a fit of OCD, I want to make sure I remembered to lock the car but I don't feel like walking down to the parking lot.

My neighbor's Forester, though, doesn't have the courtesy of shutting up. It is also more obnoxious than a brief, low-volume honk from the horn. The gorram thing sounds like a 1980s Tiger Electronics toy. It BEEPS. The kind of beeps my PS3 makes when I turn it on (and I think it's silly enough that the PS3 feels the need to beep when a tactile, physical button is pressed).
Aside from the obnoxiousness of the beep itself...I find myself wondering which GENIUS at Subaru said "we need to add a speaker to this car for the sole, specific, and singular purpose of making chirping noises when the car is locked remotely." I can picture the other people in the room stopping, looking at him and saying "doesn't the car already have a horn, which is controlled electronically?" And I go on to imagine his brow lowering as he says "yeah, what of it?" and proceeds to sign an order with a parts supplier for half a million 1983 model Tiger piezo speakers. In my mind design and ordering are the same department and only three guys work there.

Cars should not beep.

I find the 80s piezoelectric beeping even more obnoxious than the stereotypical "bork-bork" of the aftermarket alarm system that my other neighbor hilariously found it necessary (and cost-effective!) to equip on his horrid 90s-Ford-maroon (the same color as my beloved but equally ugly Ranger) Contour. I'd bet a week's pay that 95% of people on the earth don't even remember that the Contour ever existed. Nobody's going to steal it. You could park it in downtown LA with the windows down and the engine running and no one would blink an eye at it. But, by damn(!), that Contour needs to make sure everyone knows IT HAS BEEN LOCKED AND IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER SAYS SO.

Car alarms have always been silly. But, last time I checked, cars are not powered by AAA batteries. They're steel-and-aluminum hulks of power and empowerment complete with high-amperage electical systems. So if they're going to make obnoxious noises when we lock them, can they at least PLEASE make noises that are a little better suited to their nature?

Also, interesting Ford Contour fact:
I don't think I've EVER seen a Contour that didn't have its front bumper half falling off. Even the SVT models' sleeker, lower, more aerodynamic valances always seem to be desperate to become one with the asphalt.
Come to think of it, the Forester's bumper is falling of as well. It's also a horrid maroon. Huh...

Agreed. I never did need that horn, either. And since I have no muffler, revving gets a better response anyway.

^What Dave said. My horn hasn't worked since I bought the car. Maybe I'll eventually pull some stuff apart and see what's wrong, but that's doubtful.

Oh, I'm all for horns. One of the best defensive driving tools out there.

I like the beeps, sounds high tech and robot-y. My Viper alarm is cool, if you press the aux button before you luck or unlock, it does it silently.

My BMW has a low beep, not the horn. The beep is just an audible affirmation letting you know that you did indeed lock the doors. So if your walking away or hit the lock button, you "know" it's locked. I can also lock the doors from in the house and listen for the beep.

Many of us don't live in apartments, so we don't need to worry about bothering others. We also leave our doors unlocked sometimes during the day...because we can.

With that said, some cars are just plain obnoxious. The Caravan we used to have was wicked loud.

I hate all beeps. Beeps should be reserved for serious warnings about the vehicle's condition, like overheating or a flat tire (but do you REALLY need a beep to know a tire is flat?!?).

GM's soft "gong... gong... gong..." is especially wearisome. You put the key in and get a gong. You turn the key and get a faster gong. You push a diagnostic button and get a gong. GONG GONG GONG GONG!!!!!!!

BMWs are nearly as bad. You can't do a damn thing without pissing off some stupid electronic nanny that beeps at you and pops up on your iDrive display. I love our 2010 X5 diesel but HATE HATE HATE the electronic signals, wipers, and shifter. It damn near ruins the car.


On my Mustang, I was able to find the chime and rip it out. On my Seville it was built into the radio and played through the Bose audio system.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s9szeHcYG0[/youtube]

WDRacing wrote:My BMW has a low beep, not the horn. The beep is just an audible affirmation letting you know that you did indeed lock the doors. So if your walking away or hit the lock button, you "know" it's locked. I can also lock the doors from in the house and listen for the beep.

Many of us don't live in apartments, so we don't need to worry about bothering others. We also leave our doors unlocked sometimes during the day...because we can.

Even when I didn't live in an apartment, I just didn't want to be "that guy".

I like the ability to just press the button and listen for the noise. I just prefer it to be optional. I can also just look out the window for the flashing red LED on the dash to know whether the car locked correctly, so at night I don't need to depend on the sound.

Jesda wrote:I hate all beeps. Beeps should be reserved for serious warnings about the vehicle's condition, like overheating or a flat tire (but do you REALLY need a beep to know a tire is flat?!?).

GM's soft "gong... gong... gong..." is especially wearisome. You put the key in and get a gong. You turn the key and get a faster gong. You push a diagnostic button and get a gong. GONG GONG GONG GONG!!!!!!!

Definitely agreed.

The worst door noise ever is the buzzing used in 90s Chryslers. So obnoxious. It's constant, not a beep. It's also TREMENDOUSLY LOUD, to the point of getting in the way of conversation.


The LS8, meanwhile, has a medium pitched beeping noise that is used in varying intervals for EVERYTHING. Which is terrible. Button presses, warning indications (everything from minor to catastrophic), the seatbelt warning, door chime, EVERYTHING--even opening the trunk sounds this noise. The only difference from one to the next is the length of the beeps themselves, and sometimes the repeat interval if it's a sequential thing. There's definitely something wrong with the noises for turning TCS off, leaving your door ajar, and overheating are all exactly the same. It also means that, if there's an existing ongoing warning condition (even something as minor as "low washer fluid" or "door ajar" the stuff you EXPECT to give an audible confirmation (disabling TCS) will NOT beep until the ongoing warning has been acknowledged through the info center (which results in another friggin' beep).
There are so many things competing to use the same noise that it just becomes meaningless. Unfortunately, the visual AdvanceTrac indicator is in a stupid spot and uses a dim LED that can't compete with daylight, so sometimes the noise is the best way to know the car actually registered my button-press.

On this subject:
I DESPISE SEATBELT REMINDER NOISES. I'm a big proponent of seatbelts (by choice, not law), and I genuinely hate driving without one. But that only means that if I've started the car with my seatbelt off, THERE IS A REASON FOR IT and I just want the car to SHUT. THE HELL. UP. And for everyone else...it's just an added distraction/annoyance and will not likely cause them to put on the seatbelt. In fact I know SEVERAL PEOPLE who just put the seatbelt behind them to get rid of the noise. That, or they stick a spare junkyard seatbelt connector in the latch so the car thinks they're wearing it. The reminder noise achieves NOTHING. Make it go away.
On Fords, you have to do a special dance that involves latching and unlatching the seatbelt in addition to turning and removing the key in a certain way or you get an endlessly repeating, ONGOING seatbelt reminder that sounds every couple of minutes as you drive. FOREVER. ASININE. Even once that's disabled, you still get the stupid beeps for several seconds after starting the car if you don't have your seatbelt fastened first.

The f**ing X5 thought I had a passenger because I put my laptop bag on the seat. It beeped at me and disrupted my use of the radio (iDrive) until I finally threw the bag on the floor.

DO THOSE FILTHY GERMANS NOT PLACE THEIR BAGS ON THE PASSENGER SEAT?


And did the X5 simply assume that the child supposedly sitting in my passenger seat was somehow removed at 50mph?

I get 5 dings in the Z32. No more, no less. None if I'm wearing the seatbelt. And that only happens for the first few seconds after you start the car. No more dings at all. Not even for opening the door. Oh, and the lights and key reminder, but I'm cool with those too.

My work truck, however, has an incessant dinging that becomes more and more persistent as you go. I really need to do the seat belt dance and get rid of it once and for all. It even does it IN PARK, with the PARKING BRAKE SET. '09 Ranger. Never again.

Older BMWs without iDrive don't bother me in the slightest. I don't hear much good about the iDrive.

Ace2cool wrote:My work truck, however, has an incessant dinging that becomes more and more persistent as you go. I really need to do the seat belt dance and get rid of it once and for all. It even does it IN PARK, with the PARKING BRAKE SET. '09 Ranger. Never again.

My Ranger drove me NUTS with it's dinging. I had forgotten about this problem until your post. The "winged" part of the keyhole broke loose and would turn 360 degrees. The truck uses THAT to determine the position of the key for door/headlight/seatbelt dingers. It took me over a year to figure out that this was the cause, because the thing is symmetrical. Anyway, if the key "wings" were 180-degrees offset from the key, the truck would ding ENDLESSLY, and uninterrupted as long as you were driving it. It thought you'd left the keys in the car, and was determined to warn of this. So sometimes I'd drive and get to hear the dinging the ENTIRE TRIP. I had the car in Ford dealers for diagnostics multiple times. They even replaced the door latches (which, on Fords, have the door-ajar sensor integrated rather than a pressure switch in the jamb on normal cars). I PAID MONEY throwing parts at this problem, and then one day I knocked the keyhole wing-dealie and discovered that it was the cause.

Yeah, mine's broken in the opposite way. It doesn't know that the key is inserted. *rolls eyes*

I shut the beep option off when I lock the Z, instead relying on the flash of the turn signals.

I figure when I'm old and confused I can just hit the panic button when I can't find it in a parking lot.

You guys have got to hear the buzz on a Miata when the door is open. Its mid-pitched and annoying as f***. I ripped that bad boy out on day 2 of ownership. The T/A had an aggravating one, too. It was also out within a week of ownership. I can't even remember what it sounded like. Now it makes a strong, assertive HONK when I push the lock button twice.

Cars go beep because racecar.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRDyUIdqnc0[/youtube]

On my Nissan with intelli key you can change the lock button on the fob to either honk and blink the lights or just have it blink the lights to let you know it's locked or unlocked.
If you press the intelli-key button on the door handle it just gives a little beep noise.

seat belt dings piss me off the most. ive been in cars that you cant even get out of the drive way before some loud beeping starts blaring at you. im glad the Z doesnt make to noise. and my truck doesnt have one ding . dong . bing or noise. i often leave my truck doors open while im working . thankfully there is no "open door" bing. that would drive me insane

Program your own notification sounds. That sounds like a good idea.

MinisterofDOOM wrote:

Ace2cool wrote:My work truck, however, has an incessant dinging that becomes more and more persistent as you go. I really need to do the seat belt dance and get rid of it once and for all. It even does it IN PARK, with the PARKING BRAKE SET. '09 Ranger. Never again.

My Ranger drove me NUTS with it's dinging. I had forgotten about this problem until your post. The "winged" part of the keyhole broke loose and would turn 360 degrees. The truck uses THAT to determine the position of the key for door/headlight/seatbelt dingers. It took me over a year to figure out that this was the cause, because the thing is symmetrical. Anyway, if the key "wings" were 180-degrees offset from the key, the truck would ding ENDLESSLY, and uninterrupted as long as you were driving it. It thought you'd left the keys in the car, and was determined to warn of this. So sometimes I'd drive and get to hear the dinging the ENTIRE TRIP. I had the car in Ford dealers for diagnostics multiple times. They even replaced the door latches (which, on Fords, have the door-ajar sensor integrated rather than a pressure switch in the jamb on normal cars). I PAID MONEY throwing parts at this problem, and then one day I knocked the keyhole wing-dealie and discovered that it was the cause.

Dude! Thank you for posting this man, I have been trying to figure this out on my POS Ranger for a while now. I'm sick of blasting the radio to drown that damn ringer out! I think Nissan did ok with the s13 though, that little "tink tink" is the least annoying bell/buzzer/dumbass ringer thing I've heard.

I agree with GM's 'dong dong dont..."

It KILLS me when my friend opens his 10ft. Camaro door.

Also, the blinker on that car is a weak mechanical click, like a little piece of wire being flicked (which is probably exactly what it is).

Luckily, the Altima does NOT have a seat-belt beep. It just shows up as the "emergency" triangle thing on the dash. The problem is that the same emergency triangle appears for EVERYTHING, including low gas, low window washer fluid... so if I have low window washer fluid, I won't know if there's a catastrophe

Dattebayo wrote:Program your own notification sounds. That sounds like a good idea.

That really does sound like a great idea. Im in on that one.

I want a boat horn.